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Okay...so...I wrote a couple of poems and I think they sound a little like Dir en Grey lyrics or something...they were originally in English and then I tranlated them to Japanese myself with a dictionary...I'll post both versions.

~Kiroku no Jisatsu~

Sore wo hon no tsuzuku
Yuutsu na lullaby
Sono oku wo akanboo ga nemuru

Toki ni akanboo ga naku
Watashi no mimi shukketsu suru desu kara utau
Yuutsu na lullaby

Hon no utau uchi ni sore ga naku
Soshite dare ka karerano tekubi usuku kiru
Hon no utau ya shimaru soto e
Soshite dare ka naku ni chi (kiroku no jisatsu)
Hon no utau wo yuutsuna lullaby

Sore wo hon no tsuzuku
Hon no uso wo ippai no
Sono akanboo ga ochitsuita moomoku no

Toki ni akanboo ga naku
Watashi no mimi shukketsu suru desu kara iu
Hon no uso wo ippai no

Hon no utau uchi ni sore ga naku
Soshite dare ka karerano tekubi usuku kiru
Hon no utau ya shimaru soto e
Soshite dare ka naku ni chi (kiroku no jisatsu)
Hon no utau wo yuutsuna lullaby

(kiroku no jisatsu)

The English version:

*cries* Language-rape!

Sorry. But. I tried reading that. And it was painful. As somebody who speaks Japanese on a daily basis (although I'm nowhere near fluent!), I can tell you right now that your translation into Japanese sounds slightly worse than a native Japanese speaker attempting English. I know that sounds kind of mean, but I have to be honest about this. You translated word for word without a single grasp of the grammar required.

If you really want it translated, I think I can help you, but only a bit. I have never had to know how to say "suicide note", so I'll take your word for it. Although "kiroku" somehow doesn't sound right when talking about suicide. Then again, there's different words for suicide depending on how it's done. (e.g. ritual suicide, jumping onto train tracks, hanging...)

Then there's also the "you" in that second poem. You use both "omae" and "anata", which would lead a Japanese person to think that there's two people you're talking to (as you wouldn't use both for the same person). Other things, too, that leap out at me. I'm not even going to touch on grammar, because there isn't any in your poems.

Gah. I got really verbose, didn't I? I'm sorry about that. It's just... ~_~; I love JROCK and I (kind of) like Dir en Grey (although they hurt my ears sometimes and their videos are creepy as all hell), and I know for a fact that while their English might be half-arsed, their Japanese is perfectly grammatical(colloquially and with poetic license, but grammatical nonetheless). So yes.

Like I said, if you really, really want it translated, I can do it, although you'd better ask a native speaker. (Then again, if you ask a nice Japanese girl or boy to help you translate those, they'll probably look at you weird. And if you ask a Japanese adult to help you, they'll smile at you very nicely and call either your teacher or your parental unit.)

Dakedo ganbatte kudasai, ne? (But please hang in there, okay?)

--Mystia

EDIT: as regular English song-poems, they're fine. Creepy and disturbed, but awesome in their own way. (Be careful with "want" and "what" as I think you made that mistake once in the second poem). Elsewise, awesome! Just... not Japanese. sweatdrop

-agrees about the language rape-..... I was like... "WTF? ARE YOU ON DRUGS!?" .... but seriously.... how did you even get hon in the first line? I don't see anything about a book in that verse rolleyes ...... try vamping your japanese, and use a translator.... speaking of which, -goes to translate poem correctly-

omghahahahahaha! I died when you said that. That's brilliant.

That's like, if you use freetranslation to translate E Nomine's Das Omen, you get that "das omen" means "that grandmas" I'm not even joking.

You really need to have a good grasp of a second language before you start to translate. I'm in the process of translating a song I've written in English into Japanese and it's really hard to keep the same beat and still have it mean the same thing. I've translated a grand total of one verse so far. ~_~;

Aishiteru, I love you!

Those lyrics were bloody brillant! Though I'm not Japanese fluent or whatever, I still like them. Don't let the flamers get you down! You tried and that's all that matters.

BTW, I can totally imagine Kyo singing these.

Thank you, I'm glad you love it. I really am. Yours is the first good comment I've gotten on it. I have to correct the language sometime, but I'm glad you like it anyway ^-^