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I feel like I'm being torn apart. I love Charlie to death, and we're working things out, but I'm starting to like have a tiny bit of a crush on Jordan again. Charlie, Jordan, Monica, and I were hanging out at Jordan's place when Charlie got a call that he needed to be somewhere quickly. He couldn't take me home, or he'd be late and probably not make it at all. Jordan offered to give me a ride home, so I stayed over for a little longer. Jordan, Monica, and I were listening to some comedy bits, and part of me was a bit peeved Monica was there. Then Jordan decided it was time for me to go (not angrily, just that it was getting late and I was getting restless), so Jordan, Monica, and I got into Jordan's car, I was a little bit happy that I got to be in the front seat. On the ride home, I realized that my face hurt because I haven't really smiled for a while. I care about both, and I know Jordan would never like me in that way, but why do I feel this way?

Well, I feel safe with Charlie, but I can talk to Jordan about anything, and he'll tell me it will all be ok, and I'll believe him before anyone else. Don't worry, Jordan would never tell me anything that he knows is wrong, unless it's obvious that I know it's a joke. With Jordan, he's always put out how he felt, with my best interest in mind, out there, whereas Charlie seems to want what he wants, without asking what I truly want. I feel like that even if I do all I can to show Charlie I love him, something will come up and we'll be driven apart, but if I put forth the same effort to Jordan, he'd gently bring me aside and tell me he loves me, but that this isn't what is meant for us, and would still be my friend. I want to marry Charlie, but a part of me is falling for someone that I can't have.