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Ok so some of the more major issues...

Birth Control
Use proper birth control, ie something besides just a condom. If you can't afford proper birth control or don't have access to it, you might want to rethink having sex. The Pill works well, or there's the patch, etc. As long as you're having sex you run the risk of becoming pregnant, but doubling up on your birth control will help reduce that chance. It's possible to become pregnant while being on the Pill and still using a condom, but doubling or tripling up your birth control will help ease that risk.
If you're insistent on having sex, then definitely use a condom, because it's better than unprotected sex. Condoms can and will break, but again, it's better than nothing at all.

Sex Information
Who: See a school nurse or a counsellor. For those in college/post secondary education, check with a campus nurse or a health office, etc. Ask an adult, a teacher, a parent, someone who would know. Doctors are a good source of information too.

Where: Health office, school counsellors, books, the internet, parents/trusted adults. Doctor's office too of course.

Pain and Bleeding
Many people talk about experiencing a lot of pain, and sometimes some bleeding the first time they have sex.
Pain: The more nervous and anxious you are, the more your body (v****a) will tense up, and the harder it will be for him to penetrate you, even with his fingers. So you can try foreplay and oral sex beforehand if you want, to get you aroused and lubricated. Lubrication would work if you're a bit tight, so you can use saliva, your body's own natural lubrication, or stuff bought from the store. KY Liquid and Astroglide apparently work well.
Note: If you use a store-bought lubrication, make sure it's water-based. Oil-based lubricants will break down the chemical structure of a condom, causing it to break and tear, which will render it useless against STD's and preventing pregnancy.

Bleeding: You might bleed during your first time, depending on whether or not your hymen has already been broken. Apparently you can break it from things like horseback riding and gymnastics, and of course from using tampons, so if you've already torn it, then you might bleed less, or not at all.

STD Testing
If you're with someone who's had a sexual partner before, or even a boyfriend or girlfriend, you might want to consider asking them to get tested for STD's. Sometimes they might have an STD without knowing it, or some type of bacteria, and you don't want to pick it up from someone else. Or if a mother has an STD, like chlymadia for instance, they can pass it on to their babies at birth. So sometimes it's just a good idea to bite the bullet and go get tested.

Have "The Talk" With Your Partner Before Having Sex
Many people don't do this, because they think that talking about this subject is "too intimate". Yet when you come to think about it, sex is one of the most intimate acts you could do with a partner, so why skip over it because you're embarrassed? If you're too embarrassed to talk to your partner about it, then you're not ready for sex.
Anyways, my point here is if you're going to have sex, you need to talk to your partner beforehand about what you two will do if you end up pregnant. Discuss abortion, adoption, keeping the child in such a situation, and why you are for your choice. Discuss the pros and cons of each option, and make sure you are open to each other. It hopefully won't happen to those who aren't ready for a pregnancy, but it's always good to be prepared just in case it does happen.

Communication Between Partners
This is a must. Keep an open mind and talk to each other. If you want to try something, bring it up with the other person. Have a favourite position? Suggest it to your partner. If something hurts or if you're not getting pleasure from something, tell your partner so you don't give them the wrong impression. Discuss things that bother you, or that you really enjoy. Give compliments to your partner, especially when they do something you like, so they can do it again to you in the future. Just basically talk to each other, and don't hide things.

Make It Special
For many people losing their virginity is a special thing. So why not make the occasion special? Be as romantic or as sentimental as you want. Pick a place where you'll be as undisturbed as possible. Have any supplies you might need with you. Use candles, dim the lights, play music, etc. Wear lingerie or special clothing. The list goes on, just make sure you enjoy it as much as you can! blaugh

Also note: Because it's your first time, even if you do your best to make it romantic and special, chances are you won't come, or it might be too painful, or a little uncomfortable, etc.
Nopenname had this to say about first time sex:
"I'd also like to say don't be surprised if it is short, uncomfortable, unpleasant and sorta anticlimactic (no pun intended). EVEN if you try to make it romantic and talk and hold eachother etc. It can still just be a fizzle the first time. Especially if it is the first time for both of you."

Pressured For Sex? Read this!

So, your boyfriend/girlfriend is pressuring you for sex, but you're not sure if you're ready. You're worried about getting pregnant, that it might hurt, that you want to wait for "the one", but your partner won't listen to you.
What should you do?


1) Make clear that you are not comfortable with having sex at this point in your life. Give your reasons. Your partner needs to know that you're not feeling ready for sex, and that you have legitimate reasons why.

2) Repeat your stance if necessary. Do not give in. It is YOUR body, and you do not have to do anything sexual you're not comfortable with or ready for.

3) If the pressure continues, you should consider whether or not this person is really right for you to be dating. Someone who really, truly, and honestly cares about you and your relationship together will not force you to do something you don't want to do. Giving your reasons and explaining your position should be enough. You shouldn't have to explain yourself over and over to someone who's supposed to care about you and your feelings.


Note: If your partner threatens to leave you or break up with you if you don't have sex, tell them they can go right ahead. By pressuring you for sex repeatedly, this person is showing you that they don't care about your wants, needs, or feelings, and that they may or may not just be dating you for sex. Is this someone you want to share your body with? Is this someone you can trust if things go wrong? Do you want to be sexually active with someone who is showing they have no respect for you or your body?


What are some other things to consider?

- Legal Issues. If your partner is older, or over the age of consent, and you are legally a minor, in some countries/states the adult (or older person) can go to jail for having sex with a minor. They could be labeled a child molestor, a rapist, and could have troubles getting a job and holding down a career in their future. That's provided they're ever released from jail, mind you.

- Feeling used. Some people who give up their virginity too soon feel like they were "used", or "cheap" because they didn't wait until they were ready, or until they were with someone they cared about.

- Being Labeled. Although this usually applies more to females than males when it comes to negative labels, some females are labeled a "whore" or a "slut". This can make meeting new people and making friends a problem, as well as getting through school on a daily basis. It can be grounds for teasing and being left out.

- Not Being Properly Prepared For Sex. This can mean not having the knowledge you should have beforehand, not having access to proper birth control, not having a plan in case something goes wrong, etc.
Some things to consider are:
-- What will your partner/boyfriend/girlfriend do if you get infected with something? What if you get pregnant? What if you need an abortion? Are they prepared to become a parent if you get pregnant? Are you ready to become a parent if you choose to carry the pregnancy to term?

-- What will your family say if you get pregnant, and they find out you've been sexually active? Or for guys, what will they say if they find out you got someone pregnant?

-- What will happen to your schooling if you get pregnant, or need an abortion? If you drop out to have a baby and raise it, when will you go back to finish? When will you go on to post-secondary education?

-- What about money and finances? If you choose to have the baby, what about medical bills that may not be covered by insurance? What about fees to have the baby during the delivery itself? What about money after the baby is born? Will you need welfare? Will you have family support with money?

-- What about having a job to support yourself and the baby? What kind of career will you have as a single parent, or a low-income family if you are staying with the father/mother of your child?

- Backlash From Your Family. Some people live in households with strict rules, where being sexually active can mean being kicked out. Will you get in trouble if your family finds out you're sexually active? Is it worth it to sneak around behind their backs while playing roulette with your life, just to be able to have sex?

- Sex Can Be Expensive. There's birth control to get a hold of, doctors visits and gynecologist appointments to make, not all of which is covered by insurance depending on where you live. Can you afford everything you need in order to protect yourself and your body? Will your partner help you cover the costs?

- Sex Can Be Embarrassing. BEFORE having sex, you need to sit down with your partner and discuss what will happen if something goes wrong. If someone gets infected (though both people should be tested beforehand if one or both people have had previous sexual partners), if the female gets pregnant, if she needs an abortion, etc. Some people find this "too embarrassing" or "too umcomfortable" to do, yet there's nothing more intimate than sharing your body with someone else. It's argued that if couples can't have this talk and work out a Plan B in case something goes wrong, then maybe they shouldn't be having sex.


So all in all...

Do not give in to pressure for sex. It is not worth it to "fit in" or "get it over with", because you may or may not end up regretting it afterwards. Do what YOU are comfortable with and what YOU feel ready for. If you don't want to have sex, then you don't need to have sex. Anyone who's pressuring you can mind their own business and go take a hike. wink

If you do decide to have sex, make sure you are properly prepared beforehand and have taken the time to talk things over with your partner. Make sure you have condoms and additional birth control, and you have a doctor and/or gynecologist you can talk to if you need to. Remember that you can always get pregnant as long as you're having sex (yes, even with more than one form of birth control), but that taking precautions and using multiple methods can greatly reduce the risk of getting pregnant as long as they're used properly.

Ok I have a question concerning this topic...How should I go about asking, so as to not sound umm presumtious. When disscusing sex for the first time, how should I bring it up. The last think I want to do is upset her, and this seems like asking this, may just do that. I understand that this is a perfectly reasonable thing to ask, but she might not.

If she where to go to a doctor for a normal check up, would these things be tested as procedure, or is STD testing more specialised and only performed on request of the patient. Since I'll be the virgin in the relationship, it would seem unfair to ask for her to get tested. I feel that it my imply that all I want is sex.

hmmz, well when the time comes I'll bring it up.
Thank you very much for your advice.

lol if only the problem was me.... good info I never thought about using a condom.

I have'nt been inmate with my boyfriend yet but my mom got me on thepatch and hes going to wear a condom We have done bascily everything but "Inter Course"

yeah hes the on ethat wanted me to get on bc and his mom really likes me but she don't want any grandbabies anytime soon