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It's one of my first stories but it's short. I want to know whether I should continue with it or anything so I'm looking forward to any criticism or praise.

Chapter One – Gray Eyes

Chara knew they were chasing her.
What else could she do but run?

Chara felt her heart beat against her chest as she willed her legs to go on even faster. The repetitive sound of her backpack jingling stood in her mind.

The alley had huge gray walls and crusted cement. Moss green boxes stood on each other lining the sides. Chara’s black eyes widened she turned the corner. Voices behind her were more audible. Her legs barely let her walk.

She walked using the wall as support as scrunched her eyes in thought. Up ahead was a silver plate with the number “17” on it. When she noticed it, her energy flooded back as her mouth curved into a smile.

She ran the last few steps before reaching a box labelled “#276 Recca Industries”. Nearby the box was a rotted trapdoor. She pushed the box and flicked the green switch. A lock clicked as local as her pursuer’s voices.

“See you soon, my friends!” Chara said with a bow.
Chara fumbled with the trapdoor’s hinges. She pulled back harder and almost collided into the boxes behind her. She slipped it and shut it after her.

The chamber was cool and ink black. There was movement, but Chara didn’t move. She refused until her fears subsided. She could hear them right above her, their feet digging into the gravel alleyway floor.

“The thief disappeared again!” A woman screamed.
“Don’t worry, Miss Marina.” A burly voice came. “We’ll get the little wench, trust me.”

“I should hope so.” Miss Marina replied. “I will not tolerate a little girl stealing my valuables! I want something done about this, Gran!”

“I’ll have experts on it, ma’am.”

Miss Marina muttered something and then with the others, walked away from her hiding place. With a sigh of relief, Chara fumbled for a candle. When she lit it, blossomy scents arose in the room as the light swamped the dark.

“Monica!” called Chara. “Where have you gone this time?”

A soft snide voice came from what seemed to be up above her. “Nowhere special, now tell me what’s for dinner!”

Chara frowned.
“Dinner is all you ever think about, Monica.”
“I'm hungry!”

With a sigh, Chara dumped the contents of her backpack on the table. Two peaches, a corn on the cob, a pork chop and a glass bottle of milk. Would the glutton be satisfied?

“Monica,” sang Chara. “If you don’t come down, I will eat all of the food and save you none.”

An angry hiss now came from above her. It was very local. As Chara looked, she finally saw something. A little paw.
“Monica, what the devil are you doing up there?”
“Do forgive me, officer.” Monica addressed Chara. “I wasn’t aware this was one of your ridiculous rules. I was merely eating a tasty spider. No problems with that, right?”

Chara shuddered at the thought. Sometimes she cursed Monica’s bluntness is situations such as these.
“I'd prefer it if you kept information like that to yourself.” Chara mumbled.



I had my document crash around here so that's all I have. What does everyone think?

Thanks for the comment! And amen to your comment about computers! I plan to actually post a bit about a new story soon but these computers are always a little mean. And I'll try and find all the typos, thanks!

Thanks for telling me how to improve!