Obie laughed softly as she listened to Logan's deep voice on the other end of her phone. He was out somewhere on campus waiting for his next class and she was returning to her apartment, having finished for the day. Finished making plans to meet up with him later if she was able to finish studying, she flipped her phone shut as she passed Ra's door on the way to her own. She glanced at it and was about to pass by, but stopped. Chewing on the inside of her lip she stared at it with a thoughtful expression on her face.
Things had been great between them at the beginning of the term. Finally having him with her at the same school again had made her so happy. She had been able to see him at least once a day most days, but lately she hadn't seen him around. He wouldn't sit next to her in the one class they shared and he barely acknowledged her when she would call out to him in passing. It really was quite sudden she realized.
Shrugging it off to stress, she reached up and knocked on his door. She had time before she needed start studying, and wasn't it him who kept telling her there was more to life than studying all the time?
Ra had actually been studying. Not that he really needed to but it was the one way he could take his mind off things. That and he didn't really have many people he wanted to hang out with. He couldn't be near Obie at the moment. Her happiness hurt him. He didn't want to see how happy this latest guy made her. It just made him realize how he would never be able to put that look in her eye.
At the knock on the door he stood and walked over, dressed in jeans and a short sleeved shirt he ran his fingers through his thick hair as he pulled it open. He blinked as he saw Obie standing in front of him. He looked her over briefly. She looked different, another reason he had been avoiding her. Her new, more confident outfits made him nervous. She looked stunning.
"Yeah?" He said leaning against the door.
"Yeah?" she repeated with an uncertain smirk. She had grown accustomed to seeing his smile and the lack of it now worried her a little. "Is that really a way to greet a friend?" she smiled up at him. "I just wanted to stop by for a bit. I haven't really gotten to see you in a few weeks," she said with a small shrug. "Are you too busy?"
"I am actually." He said without an apology to her mocking. He totally wasn't but that was none of her business. Not now she had someone else to occupy her time.
"I'm surprised you can fit me in for a bit." He said with a very uncharacteristic edge to his voice. "Don't you have a p***k on a bike waiting for you somewhere?" He said not really caring what her reaction was. If she hated him for it, it would make letting go much easier.
If he had hit her, she would have been less shocked. Frowning sharply at him, she raised her chin just a hair.
"What exactly is that supposed to mean?" she asked, not understanding the underlying darkness in his tone or the fact that he had brought Logan into this. That was none of his business. It wasn't like he had ever tried to take things beyond friendship.
"Nothing, Just ... you're doing it again." He sighed giving her a slightly softer look. Why couldn't he keep his mouth shut or stay angry at her. he sighed again and stepping back from the door to let her in. Not that she would probably want to after that.
Her expression didn't soften, in fact it turned a shade colder at his explanation. Knowing that hallways were a stupid place to hold an argument, she brushed past him and dropped her bag to the floor to turn and face him, her hands on her hips.
"Doing what exactly?" she demanded as soon as the door was closed.
"Carrying on with some guy who's just using you." He said folding his arms and staying a meter or so away from her. "I've heard girls talking in the kitchen Obie, about his exploits. You deserve better than that." He said holding her eyes and thoroughly put off by her defensiveness. He really did not want this argument.
"You can hardly say he's using me when it's a mutual thing. I know he sleeps with other girls. So what? It's not like anybody else was offering any alternatives, or ever will for that matter, and if he and I can have an understanding I don't see how it's any of your business," she said, holding his eyes with hers.
Ra kept hold of her eyes and stared deep into them.
"What do you mean? Or ever will. That's bollocks Obie and you know it." he sighed and looked away for a moment. Well there he had it, he was definitely wasting his time. All she wanted was something he couldn't give her.
"Just tell me why it has to be like this? Why you have to treat yourself like this. He doesn't see you. Not really."
Right... if that were true then why couldn't she have the person she wanted? Ra was a decent guy, probably the first and only one she had ever met, and he wouldn't look at her beyond friendship. Obviously she was only good for one thing, she thought darkly.
"Oh... I'm sorry Rashne, but not everyone in this world is as lucky as you to be able to wait for that 'one special' person to come and sweep you off your feet in order to experience this wonderfully magical and deep sexual connection, or what ever idyllic bullshit you preach about. Some of us have to take it where we can get it because that's all we'll ever have," she said, swallowing hard. She knew what she was saying was harsh and unfair, and that she didn't really mean most of it, but he had always been the one person she could count on to not judge her.
Ra closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He could feel tears stinging the back of his eyes but he refused to cry in front of her. He curbed the urge to scream at her to leave, because that was what he damn well wanted. No, she couldn't have hurt him more if she had stabbed him in the gut.
"Bollocks." He repeated. "I'm sorry my morals seem so ridiculous to you. In fact I'm sorry I even have them. Because maybe then I would have a chance, rather than being stuck in here, two ******** scared to say anything for fear of rejection for that very reason!" He shouted turning away from her and facing the door.
Obie's eyes narrowed slightly as he turned his back on her. Closing the space between them, she stepped in front of him and glared up into his eyes.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?! You haven't made one bit of goddamned sense since you opened that door," she shouted, pointing to the door behind her. "I don't understand what your problem is Ra!" She was confused now. His words didn't make any sense to her. Rejected by whom and what did it have to do with what she did in her personal life?
Ra groaned and rolled his eyes. Looking down at her as she stormed up towards him.
"I like you Obie." He said staring down at her. "Yes me, Mr. idealist. I am attracted to you. But guess what, and you won't be surprised." He said with a bitter laugh. "As my head is stuck in the clouds of no reality. "I don't want a series of quick shags. A nice fumble here and there. I want to hold you. To kiss you, I want to know you Obie ... not what's on the surface but the real you. But apparently that's just not how the world works."
Obie's eyes opened wide in utter disbelief and shock. Taking an involuntary step back away from him, she searched his eyes. Blinking back tears of happiness, disbelief, and regret, she slowly shook her head.
"Wh-What?" she stammered softly. He had finally said the words she had longed to hear for two years and they had been shouted at her out of anger... an anger she had created.
"You heard me." He said, watching her, his mood unmoved by her tears. "I'm attracted to you Obie." He repeated. "I'm jealous that you keep going off with that ... moron. Because he doesn't see you like I do. So there, now you have my confession would you like to leave? And you can keep my heart if you want. I won't be needing it for a while."
"Your heart?" she repeated, still a little in shock as she leaned back against the wall. She studied him for a moment, then her anger washed through her again.
"How was I supposed to know Ra? How the hell was I supposed to know?" she demanded, pushing herself away from the wall and closing the space between them again. "We've known each other for two years and not once did you ever hint that you wanted more than my friendship! You have no right to be jealous. What was I supposed to do? Just sit around and twiddle my thumbs while I waited for you get up the nerve to make a move?"
"Yes you're right Obie. It's all my fault. I'm the wimp. Though after what you've just said to me can you blame me?" He said backing away from her. "I'm just some stupid romantic, and that's not what you want. I was too damn scared to say anything. That's what you want to hear right? Because I couldn't handle the rejection, so I thought it was better to have you as a friend than nothing at all. Looks like I was wrong."
He took a deep breath and stared down at her,
"Now please, leave me to my pathetic dreaming."
This was all going so, so horribly wrong. Why couldn't she have kept her mouth shut?
"How do you know if that's not what I want?" she cried out. "You've never asked me! I had tried to change because I wanted what you have. I wanted to live my life like I was worth something, but how could I? I always suspected you wanted nothing more from me because of what I am and what I do. So if I couldn't have you, the one person that I have ever loved, there was no point in ever looking for anyone else. If you couldn't get past what I am, then there was no hope that anyone else ever would," she said, tears rolling down her cheeks. Sniffing, she brushed them away and moved towards her discarded bag.
Ra blinked, did she just say what he thought she said.
"Obie, wait please." He said walking up to her and taking her hands in his. "I have never thought that of you. You are worth everything to me. No if I like you and you like me. Why are we shouting at each other?" He asked softer placing a hand against her cheek.
She looked down at his hands as they slipped over her own. At his question, she looked up into his grey eyes, loving the way his hand on her cheek felt.
"Because we're stupid," she replied softly, keeping her eyes on his. "I'm sorry Ra. I really didn't mean any of what I said about you."
"It's all right, I know." He said closing the small gap between them, sliding his hand up her cheek to rest in her hair. "I'm sorry too." He said his eyes lost in hers.
Taking a breath, he decided to do what he should have done two years ago, when they were in the music room. Smiling lightly at her he leaned forwards and pressed a soft, tender kiss to her lips.
As he leaned forward, her eyes closed and she tilted her head slightly to welcome his lips against hers. God... two years completely wasted. They could have had this so much sooner. Slipping her arms up his chest to wrap loosely around his neck, she pulled him closer to her so she could deepen the perfect kiss.
Ra smiled And slipped his free hand to her lower back pressing her tight against him. Tangling his fingers in her hair he met the depth of her kiss, holding it a few moments before pulling away and resting his forehead against hers.
"Remind me why we didn't do that two years ago?" he asked smiling at her.
Obie smiled as he pulled his lips away and kept her eyes closed as he rested his forehead against hers. Smiling warmer at his question, she lifted her long black lashes to look directly into his eyes. Slipping her hands up into his thick hair, she placed another soft kiss on his lips, then shook her head a little.
"Because we were both too afraid to be honest with each other," she replied softly. She smiled again and kissed him again.
"Such a pair of idiots." He smirked stepping away from her and taking her hand. "Seriously." He said sitting on the edge of his bed and pulling her next to him. "I have done some stupid things. but denying this." He began sliding both hands into her hair and pulling her into a kiss. "has to be the stupidest."
She sat down beside him she watched him as he spoke and smiled happily as his hand slid into her hair and he kissed her again. She was so happy she felt as though she would burst. Laughing softly at his admission, she looked into his eyes and cupped his face between her hands.
"At least we still have time to rectify our stupid mistakes," she smiled, shifting closer to him and pressing herself against him as she kissed him long and deep.
"Mmm." He said wrapping his arms around her again and leaning back to move them both on their side. That was much more comfortable and he really had no intention of letting her go anytime soon.
"Plenty of time." He agreed, moving to kiss her neck then back up to her lips.
Obie moved with him without any protest or breaking the kiss. His lips felt so good against hers, she never wanted him to pull away. When he did, she smiled and sighed softly as he pressed a kiss to the side of her neck and then returned to her lips. Entangling her fingers into his hair, she slowly began to trail soft kisses from his lips, along his slightly scratchy jaw, to his neck and pressed herself as close as she possibly could to him.
His hand slid from her hair and back to her back. Pressing her body to his as he closed his eyes and relaxed into her kisses. This is what he had been hoping for and it was so much better than what he could have imagined. To actually be here, holding her.
Shifting again, he tilted her head up and started to kiss her once more.
"Stay for dinner." He said, pulling back a little and smiling down at her.
Obie smiled as he tilted her head back and welcomed his lips as he began to kiss her again. So perfect. It was all so perfect. Just like her eighteenth birthday, the dancing at Jess' wedding, the warm, comfortable silences, the smiles and laughter, the postcards... everything, and it had all been to lead up to this perfect moment. When he pulled away, she opened her midnight eyes and looked up at him. Smiling at his soft request, she reached up to place a hand on his cheek.
"Okay," she replied with a warmth she had never felt before. "I'd really love to."
He gave a small laugh and looked down at her, smoothing her hair away from her face.
"I'm not sure what we're going to eat, but I'm sure I'll think of something." He smirked, leaning down to kiss her softly once more. He really could do this all day.
