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 Posted: Tue Sep 19, 2006 5:54 pm
She awoke to the sound of her scanner shaking her head to cler the cobwebs of sleep away. Calmly she moved to the pilot seat of her ship and sat down the feeds coming in from her mask informed her that the ship had found it's target.
The world down below was lush and tropical but there was not the the standard roar of nose that comes with such a place. the sounds were all hushed years agao when the most deadly specimins know to live arived. The hive loomed over the anceint forest like a wound.
inside the hive the alien queen stirred it senced something coming something it hadent senced in years, it felt the displacement of the air outsid and smelt the metal of the ship. deep down in the queens memory passed down by genetic heratige the queen knew that soon it's childrenn would go from predator to prey.
back in the ship the female predator finished checking her equipment. this was not her first hunt, nor was it her first against this prey, or even this hive. She was returning to the place of her blooding ritual to avenge a loss most dear. It was of the utmost imortance to her that she set things right. Years had been spent honning her skills for what she soon had to face was worce then any prey her kind had faced before.
In the hive the queen flexed her mandibles and shook back heitation. The fact that this queen had the advantadge over it's soon to be hunter relaxed her intincts. this thing that was coming to the hive was of the same host species that she had birthed from. The queen knoew that she was unique in this way and was sure her brood could handle this thing that had come to hunt them.
The ship landed just one mile away from the hive and the predator knew she was being watched. she had spent years hunting the hard ones this was no surprise. while slowly scouting the area she noticed a signal coming from near her position. quicky she went to investigate. the signal was a disteress call.
when she arived she saw a disabled ship one belonging to her kindit was half a mile from the hive so she decided to take a closer look. the closer she got to the ship the more she began to feel the cold icy fear that all prey feel she bit it back and advanced. what she saw was horrifying. the entire ship was cocooned in the same substance as the hive and only the distress becon was working. pressing further inside she saw the greatest horror. the entire crew had been infected at one point and worce the becon had called more of her kind in the past it seemed.
The predator huntress began the cermony of mourning for the fallen hunters, with one modificaton she did not remover her mask. she had not removed her mask since the day she was blooded. Not even when the mistress of her clan demended it of her. the huntress new she never would.
back in the hive the queen noticed that her trap had worked and sent her smallest childern to infest the new host and one of her hive guard to subdue the host before the wrist device could be set off. these superior hosts were so easy to take once they saw their dead. still something didn't seem right this time the queen was curios so she followed behind.
the huntress senced the aproch of the huggers before her sanners noticed them. "this is how my kinsmen were taken" she thought to herself. the huggers leapt at her coming stright for her face she clicked in amusement ash one latched onto her mask made of the same materials as her spear it was imune to the acid. Using her wrist blades she sliced the hugger off her face and faced the real threat that was advancing towards her. The predalien roared out a challenge, and it was answered the huntress in a blind fury charged the abomination with her bare hands .
the alien queen watched in awe of this host and it's sheer freocity.
end chapter one
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Posted: Fri Oct 06, 2006 12:11 pm
Surging forward the huntress crashed into the abomintaion. she knew how the prey learned what the host had known in life. Still the abomination seemed surprised by her asault as she slammed her spear into it's neck. she danced aside as the blood came rushing down her spear and rammed her wrist blade into it's side. The abomination was far from fallen it smashed her across the ship into one of the walls, then charged her.
the queen was interested watching this stuggle her children born form the superior hosts had never before been hurt so badly. the host usually remover their masks and were easy prey. this strange one could prove to be a threat to the hive. the queen called more of her superior gaurd with a mental summons. this threat had to be nutralised imediatly.
the huntress rolled out form under the abomination before it could strike only to be blindsided by another. looking around she was surounded. remembering why she was here the huntress called out in anger in in a smooth motion drew herself back to her feet. surounded by multiple oponents the huntress clicked with glee if there were this many here then the one she was after surely had to be close.
the queen was intreged by the hosts tenacity. Most would have tried the wrist device by now. this one seemed different. something seemed to be out of place with this one. Noithing in the queens genetic memory seemed to be able to put an answer to it. But there was something like a half remebered whisp of information form the queens own former hosts memory.
the huntress feined left and struck forward catching the one she had faced before moments before the others could react. severing its head and being tackeld for her efforts. she was being crushed by the weight of her attackers even as she fened off the magority of their attacks. most but not all. reaching deep down into the primal spirit of her ansestors she threw off the abominations. now shaking with fatigue and rage the huntress activated her plasma caster and shot scattering the creatures and giving herself some room to breath.
the hive guard were worried about this one the queen could tell they had never seen one of their own killed. still the queen's will was stornger then her childrens fear and she massed them to strike again this female host would be destroyed or better be forced to serve her use as a host. but that nagging whisp of memory bothered the queen.seeing this host fight made it worce. the queen pushed it aside and ordered the final attack.
the huntress met the attackers head on bleeding form a score of wounds the bright blood spatteing the ruined ship. She would not submit! one of the abomintaions leapt on her only to be destroyed by her plasma caster. rolling aside she rammed her wrist blades into the head of another. smashed into a wall again she took in her surondings and fired again. this time a section of the ship came down crushing her remaining oponents, and revealing the queen.
End chapter 2 of 3
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Posted: Sun Oct 15, 2006 3:23 pm
howling with rage the Queen ran towards the Huntress. The huntress did not even have time to look up before being smashed into a peice of wall.
the Qeeen whopped around lashoing our with her tail only to have the huntress dodge aside. The queen would kill this host for nearly destrying her hive supremacy.
The huntress lept aside at the last second as the deadly tail lashed again. she was bleeding form a score of wounds and the battleground was awash with neon green blood. when the tail came again for a third time the huntress she grabbed it and rode it back to the queen. letting go just in time to rack the queens head with her wrist blade. this was the prey the huntress had trained so many years to take down. Ever since her blooding
when she saw this creature burst form her mothers chest. While she was lost in the haze of memory the huntress was slammed agianst another wall.
The queen was still in a towering rage this host creature had killed her eliete hive gaurd and hurt even her. This host would be for the next queen oh yes. this was truely a worthy host. Still it was dangerous and thus had to be nearly broken. ashing out with her tail again the queen cought the dazed huntress in the shoulder. before she could retract her tail it was severed. the smoking tail pulled back and the queen roared in pain.
aiming her shoulder cannon at the queen the huntress cursed herself for her arogence trying to take the queen head on was a bad idea. None of her kind could have matched such strength head on. qiuckly fiering befoe fully aimed the cannon ripped through the queens arm seveing it leaving asmoking wound lie the tail had.
the queen used the reamiling part of her tail lashing out at blinding speed to removeing the shoulder cannon. then charged at top speed to meet the host in close combat. the trill of combat ripe in her veins the queen was truely a force to be reconed with and she knoew the outcome of this battle was already decided. reaching her target the queen lashes out with her claws slashing deep into the huntress' flesh.
Bleeding almost to death the huntress screams with a final shout or rage plunges her wrist claws deep into the queens neck almost not pulling back intime to aviod the blood. feeling the life run out of her the huntress put all her remanign strength into one final blow with her wrist blade severing the damadged neck and beheading the queen.
the jungle seemed quiet as the huntresslimped then craled back to her ship. after scanning to make sure it was secure and there was nothing else inside that was not ment to be there the huntress crawled into a bath of medi solution and the ship departed.
The huntress fell into a dreamless sleep while the ships computer sent the images of her HUNT back to the tribe. she was the best of her tribe and they would honor her when she returned. the computer noticed that the med bath did not help her mearly closed her wounds she had gotten to the ship on will power alone. but her body would be buryed umblemished.
thus ends the tale of the huntress
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Posted: Mon Oct 30, 2006 10:55 pm
Mmmhn it's okay, but it would help if you used alot more metaphores and discripive words. "The hive loomed over the anceint forest like a wound." was a good line, but you need to put more in like that.
For example:
Inside the flesh like texture of the hive the alien queen stirred slothfully like a restless tree in the wind her chitinous armour groaning slightly. It sensed something coming, it's presence encroaching on the Aliens psyche like a pestilence. Something it hadn’t sensed in years, it felt the displacement of the air outside and smelt the foreign artificial metal of the ship, it's presence like a blister within her mind.
This helps to give more feeling to the environment your trying to create and allows you paint a better picture for the reader.
I appogises if it seems I am being overly critical of your work, it's good, really it is, but it still needs work.
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Posted: Wed Nov 01, 2006 10:48 am
I am just glad to know someone read it
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Posted: Tue May 08, 2007 12:08 pm
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