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 Posted: Mon Oct 04, 2004 5:45 am
I know some of you write it, so share it. Dammit. Here's some of mine. You should tell me what you think because I'm a compliment whore. If you would like to criticize it, you may do so as well, but try to be specific. If there's something I can actively try to correct, I would really like to do so.
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Posted: Mon Oct 04, 2004 5:22 pm
I like Gratitude. A lot, actually. I really like all of them except By Candel Light. I'll go into more detail if you want, I just don't want to sound like a raving fanboy unless it's really needed.
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Posted: Mon Oct 04, 2004 5:54 pm
Catspaw I like Gratitude. A lot, actually. I really like all of them except By Candel Light. I'll go into more detail if you want, I just don't want to sound like a raving fanboy unless it's really needed. I would like to hear your opinions. It can help me to become better. I'm most interested in why you didn't like "By Candlelight".
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Posted: Mon Oct 04, 2004 6:07 pm
JoVo Catspaw I like Gratitude. A lot, actually. I really like all of them except By Candel Light. I'll go into more detail if you want, I just don't want to sound like a raving fanboy unless it's really needed. I would like to hear your opinions. It can help me to become better. I'm most interested in why you didn't like "By Candlelight". Mind if I drop you a line on MSN? I think it'd be easier. Edit: Yeah, when I typed that you were still online... The rest of your stuff has this rythm to it that By Candelight is lacking. It's got a lot of description and I could definetly see the scene, but it just didn't flow like the others.
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Posted: Mon Oct 04, 2004 6:39 pm
a poem i made...i know...it sucks...but it is onlyt the rough draft
Give You My Heart
Hold hands with the stars
Rest your head on the moom
Be kissed by the sun
I want to give this all to you
Being carresed by the wind
Having a dream become a realitity
Being held in the arms of the moonlight
That is how you make me feel
I want to give you the stars
I want to give you the moon
But all I have is my heart
And a simple, "I love you"
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Posted: Mon Oct 04, 2004 9:31 pm
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Posted: Mon Oct 04, 2004 10:27 pm
CraftyUnicorn I'm with Cats, Jovo. The imagery is awesome in "By Candlelight", but it's missing something. I think Cats got it dead on, the rhythm is off. The 10-syllable lines don't give the emphatic beat that you'd expect. It's strange, but the lines feel almost lumpy (that being my technical term to describe it) in the way the sentences are broken in the first four lines. After that, the style changes where the lines create a rhyming scheme, which changes the tone part of the way through, which I found really disconcerting. Personally, I love the imagery and the later rhyming pattern, but I can't seem to get the beginning to sit well with me. I don't think I'm going to post any poetry. I've been looking through my early high school attempts, and they all deal with suicide and death. It wasn't a pretty time in my life, but it was, without a doubt, the lamest.
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Posted: Mon Oct 04, 2004 10:29 pm
Keithing I don't think I'm going to post any poetry. I've been looking through my early high school attempts, and they all deal with suicide and death. It wasn't a pretty time in my life, but it was, without a doubt, the lamest. Exactly how I feel about most of mine. The only reason I even started writing poetry again was because of my Creative Writing class. She's making us do this whole poetry section before we get to the fiction part sad
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Posted: Mon Oct 04, 2004 11:23 pm
Phew, I'm not the only one. sweatdrop
Creative writing? I have a Fiction class, making it the second year in a row that i have to deal with depressing and "human experience" themed stories and novels. I don't mind them, but you do get desensitized after people are dying, leaving, suffering, despairing left and right. Then the authour changes his tune last minute (see: The Grapes of Wrath). How many ways can you slice harsh reality and still keep it fresh?
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Posted: Mon Oct 04, 2004 11:34 pm
Keithing Phew, I'm not the only one. sweatdrop Creative writing? I have a Fiction class, making it the second year in a row that i have to deal with depressing and "human experience" themed stories and novels. I don't mind them, but you do get desensitized after people are dying, leaving, suffering, despairing left and right. Then the authour changes his tune last minute (see: The Grapes of Wrath). How many ways can you slice harsh reality and still keep it fresh? I had to take Intro to Creative Writing before I could take the fiction class. Not fun. But at least you get to write stories, right?
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Posted: Tue Oct 05, 2004 11:04 am
Yes, I seem to have forgotten to rebalance the lines after I edited them the first time. When I first wrote them, they were okay. Then they got butchered. I'm going to edit it later on this week, then I'll repost it and ask you what you think. I really like that poem, personally, except (as you) the first quatrain.
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Posted: Tue Oct 05, 2004 11:19 am
I have Poetry in my DA gallery, and hidding in my livejournal... I'll link that account. My Old LJ accountPlease comment, I'll enable it too...
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Posted: Tue Oct 05, 2004 4:01 pm
CraftyUnicorn Exactly how I feel about most of mine. The only reason I even started writing poetry again was because of my Creative Writing class. She's making us do this whole poetry section before we get to the fiction part sad Yeah, that's what happened to me. Interestingly enough, my usually biting class gave "By Candlelight" high marks. They were very concerned with the first quatrain as well. There, I managed to allay their criticisms by telling them about how my attempt at pre-class editing had gone awry. sweatdrop
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Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2004 10:21 am
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Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2004 11:05 am
Vague I love "By Candlelight", actually. It just needs repunctuating.
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