Who's read the trumpet handbook of law? Here it is. Also, any tips or tricks on range building? My range only goes up to a high C (Bb concert) that is still on the staff.
TRUMPET HANDBOOK OF LAW
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What is the Trumpet High Command:
The Trumpet High Command will consist of trumpet officers of all kinds and anyone who is voted into the Trumpet High Command by the members of the Trumpet High Command. Anyone who claims to be in the Trumpet High Command (also referred to as the THC) will be sentence to the punishment of the THC’s wishes.
Members of the Trumpet High Command can be voted off only by freshman members of the THC. Since there are no freshmen members, no one will ever be voted off except for in the instance where a leader or other member refuses to cooperate with the laws of the THC in which case the voting ceremony shall be bypassed
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The Order of Command:
The events in the band are handled by an orderly and bureaucratic system of power and rule. The ranks of this chain of command are listed below. In a given section, the order of command goes from highest chair to lowest. In this way, there shall always be a backup plan for any problems which may occur.
The Trumpet High Command
The Almost cool enough to be THC (ACETHC…AKA Jr. THC)
Trumpets
Omnipotent Deities (Includes all of the above)
Honorary Brass
The Who
Respectable Woodwinds
Monks
Directors
Lawyers
Acceptable Colorguard
Piccolos
Valve Trombones
Baritones
Trombones
Martians
Horns
Communists
The Seniors who keep coming back
Tubas
Hippies
Politicians
Flagwaggers
Scum
Flutes
Parasites
Freshmen Twig-Twirlers
Bell Smackers / Thingy Players
Saxophones
Oboes
Elvis
Drum Majors
Incapable Woodwinds
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The Powers of the Trumpet High Command
THC-1 All Trumpet High Command members are exempt from any and all rules they don't feel like following with the exception of THC-1 and all BHB class rules.
THC-2 a. All persons of rank lower than the omnipotent deities attempting to give themselves rights or rise against the Trumpet High Command shall be deported to Singapore for trial and punishment.
b. All persons not reporting to Singapore shall listen to the concert band’s baritone section play their 12 major scales until perfection is achieved.
c. If that doesn't help, perpetrators shall be deported to the much dreaded Kannapolis High School.
d. The only alternative to the above is if the perpetrator would like to attempt to teach the concert band baritone section how to play minor scales.
THC-3 During Wind Ensemble auditions, the directors shall forfeit the standard tryout for a promise by the Trumpet High Command that they have practiced their scales and can play them.
THC-4 All music, both in concert season and marching season, shall be selected by the Trumpet High Command.
THC-5 Any Members of Colorguard not approved of by the Trumpet High Command shall have no rights whatsoever.
THC-6 a. The Trumpet High Command shall have the exclusive right to nominate honorary brasses.
b. The Trumpet High Command shall have the exclusive right to designate honorary woodwinds in situations requiring the most extreme punishment available.
c. All votes on honorary titles shall be approved by a two-thirds majority of the trumpet section, with the High Commands' votes counting as one-third plus one each.
d. If a brass player is afflicted with "honorary woodwind" status, he/she shall be referred to as "freebrass." All other brass shall be "truebrass."
THC-7 Only Trumpet High Command designated chemist may mix MLRP.
THC-8 A penalty of death is an option always available to the Trumpet High Command.
THC-9 ONLY the Trumpet High Command may in any way modify or misinterpret these rules. All interpretations are subject to the whim of the Trumpet High Command.
THC-10 No freshman may EVER obtain Membership in the Trumpet High Command. However, freshman acting like non-freshman may apply for the status of Jr. THC.
THC-11 Contrary to common belief, the Trumpet High Command were never freshmen.
THC-12 In the event that any woodwind attacks a Trumpet High Command member he/she/it will face the consequences outlined in THC-2 & THC-8
THC-13 a. If any trumpet player or member of the THC is depressed, he is allowed to bring one (three as long as you are a member of the THC) woodwind player(s) to your bed chambers for a night if internal ecstasy. The family of the lucky (or unlucky depending on the depress-ie) woodwind player is granted one nights stay in the Royal THC Palace.
b. If any trumpet abuses this power, then the THC shall reserve all powers to punish the trumpet player.
c. Since a woodwind has less rights then a trumpet player, the woodwind shall in turn be blamed for the temptation that has been afflicted on the trumpet.
d. Depending on the quality of the woodwind player, the trumpet player may be deemed with the “Certificate of Extremely Good Taste”.
THC-14 Only THC members are allowed to deem female brass players “good looking”, “hot”, “sexy”, or any other semi-respectable name by guys.
THC-15 a. All band personnel are required to salute whenever a Trumpet passes by, and in the event that a THC member is seen in public, he must be bowed to graciously and given a monetary donation
b. In the event that someone interprets "given a monetary donation" as throwing coins at the THC member, that person will be demoted to (dis)honorary piccolo with no possibility of parole.
THC-16 a. Any female trumpet who desires to be in the THC can either be voted or appointed to the THC.
b. The female may also “earn” her way into the THC.
c. Interpretation of point (b) is left to the good mind of any THC member.
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The Laws of Woodwinds
WIN-1 a. The only people with fewer rights than freshmen are woodwinds.
b. Yes, this means that woodwinds have LESS than no rights.
WIN-2 a. The status of Honorary Woodwind shall revoke all privileges and rights given to the afflicted brass player(s). During this time, all truebrass shall shun the freebrass.
b. During this time of mourning, the afflicted freebrass shall not speak to a truebrass unless specifically ordered to do so. Failure to comply shall result in permanent loss of brass status. The former brass must then choose their new denomination: Woodwind or Drum-beater.
WIN-3 a. Should a woodwind attempt to be cool, they shall be placed in solitary confinement until they have regained their sanity.
WIN-4 a. Asking a woodwind, other than those designated as honorary brass by the trumpet high command, any question requiring an intelligent answer, shall be considered unfair to the woodwind.
b. In an emergency, the above law shall be voided on a per case basis with written consent from the Trumpet High Command.
WIN-5 The words loser and woodwind may be used interchangeably.
WIN-6 a. No woodwind shall be given an unaccompanied solo greater than 5 sec. in length, for any reason.
b. Should the solo be in Jazz band, the time allotment should be reduced by 5 sec.
c. Should a woodwind desire a solo longer than the allotted time, he/she/it must be accompanied by a brass player (preferably a trumpet player).
WIN-7Siblings of woodwinds shall have the right to band-subsidized therapy.
WIN-8 a. A woodwind's four responses are: "Yes, sir," "No, sir," "I do not know, sir," and "No excuse, sir."
b. Any other responses given without permission shall be referred to THC-8.
WIN-9 Any woodwind deemed "Respectable Woodwind" by the Trumpet High Command are exempt from the previous laws except WIN-6.
WIN-10 Any woodwind failing to comply with THC-13 shall be condemned to the rank of “incapable woodwind.”
WIN-11 Any woodwind attempting to hit on a trumpet player shall be shunned from the trumpet section unless the THC deems the woodwind “good looking.” In this case, the action of the woodwind shall be tolerated but not pleasing to the THC.
WIN-12 a. This law restates that all woodwinds have no powers, thus, the title of this section shall always be the laws of the woodwinds and not the powers and laws.
b. any woodwind attempting to gain power will be disregarded unless the THC recognizes the woodwind as a respectable woodwind
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The Powers and Laws of The Flagwaggers
PFW-1 a. Excessive, annoying or otherwise idiotic speaking of a Colorguard shall result in penalties outlined in ACS-4.
b. In the case that the Colorguard has Flagwagger or Twig-Twirler status, ignore clause a.
PFW-2 a. In the event that a Flagwagger strikes any higher ranking official as out-lined in The Order of Command, they shall be flogged to 39.667% of death with a wet flag.
b. However if the Flagwagger strikes any woodwind or honorary woodwind they shall automatically receive the rank of honorary brass.
c. If case (a) occurs during a minor competition or the penalty shall be inflicted twice.
d. If case (a) occurs during a BOA or WGI or competition the penalty shall be inflicted thrice.
e. If case (a) occurs during an exhibition, since these are made to show that the THC is the best of the band, than the penalty shall be inflicted four times as well as a group session of emptying everyone’s spit valve on the head and/or body parts of the offender.
PFW-3 a. Any flagwaggers attempting to run a Brass member over with scenery shall receive a quick taping to a flag pole with Duct Tape Brand duct tape.
b. same as PFW-2b
c. The above punishments are subject to change with the size of the scenery.
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The Powers and Laws of Low Brass and Mellophones
LBR-1 a. All low brass and mellophones must comply directly to all laws given to them by the Trumpet High Command.
b. Failure to do this will result in penalties outlined in THC-2 and THC-8.
LBR-2 a. Any low brass or mellophone attempting to outrank the trumpet or give him/her/itself rights shall immediately flogged to 45.781% of death with a wet flag.
b. If the previous punishment is not chosen, see THC-2.
LBR-3 a. When asked a question, all low brass and mellophones must reply with one of the following responses; "Yes Sir", "No Sir", "I do not know Sir", and "No excuse Sir".
b. If these responses are not given, the accused shall be deported to Singapore for trial and punishment.
c. If a Low Brass and Mellophone wishes to talk freely, he must plea before hand and bring a sacrifice of atleast two bottles of either Cheerwine or SunDrop. The more non-alcoholic beverage you bring, the free-er you may talk.
LBR-4 a. A member of low brass who was previously a trumpet shall be deemed a trader and is to never be eligible for the THC.
b. Any Mellophone player who was previously a trumpet player shall be deemed an oxymoron because everyone knows that a trumpet player would not be so stupid as to assume this lowely status.
c. If Morgan switches a trumpet to either mellophone or low brass, then this ex-trumpet is eligible for remediation courses by the THC. These obvious mistakes by the band director shall be overlooked by the THC.
LBR-5 a. Any low brass that attempts to play any song by the group “BLAST” and doing an unsatisfactory job at it shall be noted as incompetent.
b. Baritones and Euphoniums acting the in above manner shall be demoted to (dis-)honorary woodwinds.
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The Powers and Laws of Trumpets
TRM-1 During tuning, the tuner shall be re-calibrated so that the trumpets shall always be in tune.
TRM-2 a. Tempo shall be determined by neither the director nor the drum majors, but solely by the trumpets.
b. Any trumpet repeatedly playing a tempo which does not in any way relate to that of his fellow trumpets shall be awarded the trumpet medal of valor, to be presented at the band awards banquet.
TRM-3 Whenever the trumpets are playing Pep Band music, they are by definition playing melody.
TRM-4 When a trumpet player has lost all sense of rhythm and melody in a song, they shall immediately begin alternating between any first and open notes.
TRM-5 All trumpet players incapable of reaching C above the treble clef by the end of marching season their junior year shall be permanently barred from the wind ensemble.
TRM-6 No trumpet shall ever be used to create the image of rustling wind.
TRM-7 Horse whinnies and Cow sounds may be performed only by certified personnel.
TRM-8 See THC-13.
TRM-9 If any one trumpet player does not own a copy of the holy “Arbans” book, they will be denied the powers given to them by THC-8.
TRM-10 Trumpets and trumpets only have the right to remain silent as to not incriminate themselves.
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The Universal Laws of Freshmen
FRM-1 Any freshmen who does not comply with the Universal Laws of Freshmen will be sentences to the punishment of the THC’s or Senior’s choosing.
FRM-2 All freshmen will advert their eyes at the sight of a senior and/or member of the THC.
FRM-3 Freshmen will be required to follow every rule and regulation set by Morgan to the letter of the law unless he/she is deemed with Jr.THC status.
FRM-4 a. Any Freshman who acts with the common sense and coolness of an upperclassman will be deemed with “Honorary Freshmore” status.
b. This law can work vice-versa or, in other words, any upperclassman and/or sophmore who acts with the stupidity and ignorance of a freshman will be named “(dis-)Honorary Freshless”
FRM-5 a. No freshman may wear any type of foreign or otherwise repulsive apparel to any band event.
b. This law is null and void if the day is a designated tacky or “Sag-Below-Your-Butt Day”.
c. On the contrary, any freshman found beating up a fellow freshman because of his apparel will be promoted to “Freshmore” status.
FRM-6 No freshman may harm a fellow freshman without the consent of a THC member and/or senior.
FRM-7 a. Freshmen that brag about their horn or their abilities will be sacked.
b. In the event that the bragging does not end, the freshman shall be sacked again and the people who were responsible for sacking the freshman will be sacked.
c. If the second sacking does not work, then the freshman shall be deported to Singapore and the people responsible for sacking the people who were responsible for sacking the freshman shall indeed be subject to a thorough sacking.
FRM-8 a. Public duct-taping is an acceptable punishment for freshman in ANY situation.
b. Any one caught using any other kind of tape rather than gray (not silver) Duct Tape style duct tape will be deported to Singapore.
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The Powers of Drum Majors
DMJ-1 a. All drum majors covered under these rules shall not be subjected to the rank of drum major, but shall be promoted to the rank of honorary brass.
b. If the drum major is a brass prior to accepting the role of drum major, they may assume the rank of Brass Alumni.
DMJ-2 All qualified drum majors shall be exempt from all woodwind laws in accordance with the definition of honorary brass.
DMJ-3 Those drum majors affected by the DMJ rules must bring tithes of Pixie Sticks, Mountain Dew, Sprite, or Sun Drop to the Trumpet High Command.
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The Powers of Non-Band Personnel
NBP-1 All non-band personnel will be filed under the category of Honorary Brass on the Chain of Command until they have proven themselves unworthy of such a title.
NBP-2 All non-band personnel who are found distributing fried chicken will be promoted to omnipotent deities.
NBP-3 Non-band personnel are allowed to exercise all the rights of a regular trumpet except for the ever sacred TRM-8.
NBP-4 Gifts to the THC will be rewarded in the manner that the THC decides.
NBP-5 Parents of THC members will be superior to all other non-band personnel.
NBP-6 a. Youth non-band personnel will be quickly run off by the largest low brass players at the order of the THC.
b. All who participate in running the offenders off are valid candidates for promotion.
NBP-7 Any non-band personnel that is found at a band function with foul intentions will be subject to the punishments outlined in THC-2 and THC-8.
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The Laws of Etiquette
ETI-1 a. Arrogance in the trumpet ranks is strictly forbidden.
b. This rule shall not be applicable to those enrolled in public schools, private schools, home-schooling, or the alumni of these schools. This law shall also be void for all males, females, and aliens from planets you've probably never even heard of yet.
ETI-2 a. When being criticized by a fellow trumpet player, the correct response is to repeat a phrase randomly selected from the following list, and repeat it at regular intervals, regardless of what the person is saying. The List: Yes, I Understand, Very Insightful, How Deep, and I Stand Awed at the Deep Reaching Greatness of your Genius.
b. Trying this with the High Command is just NOT a good idea (See THC- .
ETI-3 a. Obeying the orders of a drum major can and will be punishable by death.
b. In the event of an extreme emergency, the aforementioned law shall be ignored. A status of emergency may only be declared by the THC members.
ETI-4 a. All wind ensemble trumpet players must keep records of something in their band folders.
b. These records need not be kept current.
ETI-5 No maps in size greater than 3' x 3' shall be unfolded during any rehearsal, regardless of the stupidity of doing nothing. This does not include 3' x 3' Tick-Tack-Toe playing fields
ETI-6 a. In the event that wind ensemble is not playing and concert band is, wind ensemble players have the right to play in the concert band that day.
b. There shall be no vice-versa for this rule.
c. This rule may also be applicable to the Symphonic band in the event that no freshmen are in the Symphonic Band trumpet section.
d. The above rule shall be omitted if the freshmen are part of the Jr. THC.
ETI-7 Possession of a concealed piccolo trumpet without a permit may be considered a misdemeanor.
ETI-8 Placement of a trumpet upright upon the knee during a concert is forbidden.
ETI-9 Should more than one-half the band attend a band party, it shall be declared a failure and all participants shall return to their homes.
ETI-10 The use of music originally performed by a fruit shall be considered treason of the highest degree.
ETI-11 a. The most heinous crime a trumpet player can commit is the destruction of this book of Law.
b. Anyone found guilty of such an act shall be automatically designated an honorary woodwind.
ETI-12 All players of rank equal to or higher than honorary brass shall be addressed by the first name of the person, the conjunction, "of," and the person's instrument, such as Andrew of Tuba.
ETI-13 The order of command shall also be applicable in lines of all sorts, especially lines to buses, to use the phone, uniform checkout lines, and Food.
ETI-14 a. So long as the Trumpets are able to overhear, any gossip may be made about any member of the band at any time.
b. exception to this rule would be only in the case that the gossip is of someone in the THC. In this case, the gossip must be directly reported to the THC member privately.
c. Any failure to comply to THC-14b will result in a thorough beating with a cleaning snake.
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Auditions, Challenges, and Sectionals
ACS-1a. Solos during the marching season are determined by talent and ability.
b. Should more than 1 player be found to actually possess talent or ability, it shall be the final decision of the highest ranking member of the chain of command present at the time.
ACS-2 So that judgments may be made solely upon the directors' current moods, no trumpeter shall be allowed to see the challenge ballots.
ACS-3The winner of a challenge has every right to do the happy dance.
ACS-4 a. In the event that the trumpets are forced to hold a sectional, the participants shall make no progress. Failure to comply with this rule shall result in death by piccolo / oboe duet.
b. This shall only apply as long as the trumpet section is indeed the best section in the band.
c. If the trumpet section is truthfully in need of a sectional, than it is to appear to be nothing more than time to goof off.
ACS-5 a. All marching band sectionals shall be held in a location far away from Mr. Morgan, so that the trumpets may goof around as much as they please.
b. Following such sectionals, the time involved shall be wholly distorted when reported to the director.
ACS-6 a. As a refreshing change in band policy, challenges shall be declarable in a downward direction.
b. Anyone doing so shall be beat with a colorguard flag.
c. Freshmen are exempt because if a THC member looses to a freshman, than he deserves to be demoted in class as well as in his rank in the Order of Command.
ACS-7 a. No non-THC member shall EVER challenge a THC member.
b. Violation may result in the punishments outlined by THC-2.
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The Powers of the Band Handbook of Law
BHB-1 The Trumpeter's Handbook is all powerful.
BHB-2 At the conclusion of the Trumpet High Command member's senior year, during the pass-down portion of the band banquet, this handbook, or a copy thereof, must be willed to the trumpet deemed most capable of continuing the trumpet's reign of power. This person must never have been afflicted with the status of honorary woodwind, nor may they be currently afflicted with such status. This person need not be the highest chair, but must meet all the criteria established in THC-10.
BHB-3 a. NO BHB law may be modified or ignored.
b. No new BHB laws may be created.
c. No BHB laws may be removed.
d. This rule VOIDS all other rules conflicting with it.
e. In the event of conflict or question, BHB rules shall always take precedence.
f. This cancels out the clause given to change a law by section THC-9.
g. There is no loop-hole in this.
BHB-4 Only the Trumpet High Command may use the laws of BHB against another person.
BHB-5 Anyone who ignores the laws, regulations, and etiquette shall be immediately demoted 5 levels on the chain of command.
BHB-6 All copies of the BHB must be approved by any THC personnel.
BHB-7 a. Obtaining a copy of the BHB is a felony punishable by deportation to a small third world country run by liberal Democrats.
b. In the event that the violator refuses to report to his/her small third world country, he/she will be dubbed a personal friend of one such national f** as Presidential Nominee Al Gore.
BHB-8 There is no loop-hole to anything said in this document.
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Other Laws of Importance
OTH-1a.Make no mistake about it: Freshmen Have NO Rights.
b. This rule shall be revoked for any freshman of the Trumpet High Command.
c. Since there never will be a freshman in the Trumpet High Command, ignore clause b.
OTH-3a. All advanced, non-Bach horns owned privately by students shall be assigned to the highest chairs, with the highest chair receiving first pick of the available horns.
b. A member of the THC cannot have his horn taken away from him.
OTH-4 Morgan’s admission of guilt on any issue shall be regarded as an omen. All persons hearing the omen shall fast from their horns for three days.
OTH-5 Any and all music submitted by students as suggestions for next year's marching show will be immediately ruled out by the directors.
OTH-6 a. In the event that marching drill involves pictures, the successful completion of these pictures shall be considered an omen, and all trumpet players shall immediately sacrifice a goat.
b. Should a goat be unavailable, a woodwind may be substituted.
OTH-8 The official drink of the Concord Spiders shall be Sun Drop. But only if Sun Drop, an official sponsor, buys. If it does not, the Cheerwine should become the official drink.
OTH-9 All band students must have the fight song memorized by the conclusion of marching season, their freshman year.
OTH-10 No law may be passed which in any way restricts, prohibits, or taxes caffeine.
OTH-11 Discipline shall be a relative figure to be decided by the THC. Any level of discipline (or lack of) shall be allowed as long as it does not effect the superiority of the trumpet section to all others.
OTH-12 The Trumpet High Command reserve the right to change, modify, edit, or amend these rules at any time and for any reason. All other requests for changes must be approved by the Trumpet High Command as a collective.
OTH-13 a. The movie “Monty Python: Quest for the Holy Grail” shall be recognized as the “omnipotent video” during marching band season.
b. Any disagreements of this rule will result in an official ban of right to decide what movies are omnipotent.
OTH-14 a. In the event that “Monty Python: Quest for the Holy Grail” is not available, Saturday Night Live’s “The Best of Chris Farley” shall obtain the role of “omnipotent video”.
b. Any other video that is wished by a majority of the charter bus (i.e. 56:1 ratio) to be viewed must be agreed by the THC.
OTH-15 In the event on a shortage of SunDrop/Cheerwine, the Order of Command shall serve as the order in which band members will receive their non-alcoholic beverage.
OTH-16 If any upperclassman not in the THC shall question the wishes of a THC member, then the upperclassman is allowed to be voted into the THC temporarily until the confrontation is dissolved. The upperclassman may not appoint himself.
OTH-17 If any member of the THC that is of a higher chair in band class than a leader in pep band, marching band, jazz band, or any other ensemble to which it concerns have reserve the rights to disagree with the will of the appointed leader.
OTH-18 a. Titles given to underclassmen in the form of authority shall be only titles.
b. Upperclassmen reserve the right to disagree with such a person.
OTH-19 a. In the event that an inferior (see OTH-19 b) engages a THC and/or upperclassman in confrontation, than the upper-hand shall be given to the THC member and/or upperclassman.
b. Inferior shall be defined an anyone below Omnipotent Deities in the BHB Order of Command.
OTH-20 If any punishment in the BHB seems too lenient for the crime committed, 25 lashings with a cleaning snake may be incurred.
OTH-21 a. Egos shall be strictly prohibited from anyone in Wind Ensemble.
b. If a Wind Ensemble player has an excessive ego, than he/she will be demoted 3 steps on the Order of Command.
OTH-22 Rap, R&B, and any other music with no discernible melody shall be strictly prohibited.
OTH-23 a. THC members by distort the rules of the BHB as much as desired.
b. The rules of the BHB must still be recognizable, however and cannot be changed.
c. Failure to comply with this results in the punishments outlined in all points of THC-2. Any of the included actions may be used.
OTH-24 a. When greeting another trumpet player, there is no need to act arrogant or assert superiority because it is understood that all trumpet players are equally perfect.
b. This does NOT apply to greeting members of other sections.
OTH-25 Definitions in the glossary regarding specific instruments include the bass, contra, soprano, and all different keys and variations of that instrument.
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Glossary
Air Force, US- The branch of the military commonly known as “The Better Branch” (See also Zoomies).
Army, US- A drier version of the Navy with poor morals and little motivation. Comprised mainly of people who weren’t man enough to be Marines (See also Grunt).
Arrogance- The result of a trumpet's ego.
Audition- A big waste of time.
Band- Another four letter word for hell.
Bassoon - A small bundle of sticks with a hollowed inside and holes on the side that make a sort of semi-pleasing sound.
BLAST- a musical group that will constantly be copied by every baritone in existence. This does not mean that the baritone will suddenly gain the sound of “BLAST”
Baritone- (See the definition for band)
Blasphemy- Anyone who is not in the THC, but calls themselves one, or a woodwind attempting to be cool.
Brain Fart- Literally a small bit of information to clarify the subject of conversation. ex: " Someone give me a brain fart on to what you're talking about?" Also used as an indicator as to whether or not someone listens to Mr. Morgan or not because he incorrectly uses the term.
Brownie Points- The main requirement to become DM.
Caffeine- The main ingredient in MLRP. Essential for life.
Cheerwine- An excellent alternative to Sun Drop when it is not available.
Clarinets- Split about half and half between guys and the girls NOT suggested for the exicution of THC-13 and between the girls that would probably be the best selection for exercising THC-13.
Concert Band- A synonym for a free hour (See also Spanish Class).
Cornet- A sexy trumpet.
Challenge- An excellent way of driving a section apart.
Director, High School- Kind, wonderful people (who're most likely making your grades up as you read this).
Director, Middle School- The lesser counterpart to the high School Director who helps with High School events because he can’t teach children from scratch (See also Wannabe).
Discipline- Ask a woodwind, they know all these things (yeah right)
Dixie- A simple Dixie Jazz tune of southern origin that makes for a great Be-Bop Jazz tune.
Dizzy Gillespie– Trumpet Idol. Not to be even considered inferior to anyone else.
Drum Major- Those who demand power, but never receive it - extremely low on the chain of command.
Ego- A quality possessed by trumpets in extreme amounts. Also something not to be taken seriously. Any Trumpet player who honestly has a true ego should be flogged 25 lashes with a cleaning snake.
Estrogen Brigade- The mellobeast section that is almost completely dominated by females.
Euphonium- A baritone that has the testosterone levels of a tuba but can’t balance the weight of a contra on their shoulder.
Fair- A standard and equal method of determining merit based solely upon the number of brownie points held with the directors at the time of the fair decision.
Flagwagger- Any male or manly female who takes part in colorguard activities.
Flugal Horn- Aside from the mellophone, the only instrument whose females of the brass that are suitable to deem any status given by points THC-14.
Flute- The instrument played by girls who are the first choice of THC and trumpet section members when using point THC-13.
French Horn- Class version of a Mellophone except suitable for males to play (See also Mellophone).
Freshman- Victim.
Freshless- A person lower than freshmen.
Freshmore- One who is more than a freshman, but not quite an upper classman (See also Sophomore).
Grunt- A name given to a soldier who acts in a barbaric nature (See also Army, US).
Honorary Brass- A woodwind deemed by the Trumpet High Command to be almost as cool as a brass player, but not quite.
Honorary Woodwind- Brass players having committed a crime so heinous that they have been reduced to the ranks of the woodwinds.
Hormones- Substance found in both low brass and colorguard in great abundance.
Jarheads- Nickname given to members of an elite fighting force who act like idiots and give there organization a bad name (See also Marines, US).
Jazz- A style of music for those who enjoy being out of tune constantly and being applauded for it.
Latin- A language used by directors to ensure that nobody will receive an A on the band finals, and also used to create the illusion of education when giving instructions regarding music.
Magic Lip Rejuvenation Potion- A secretly formulated drink, capable of restoring trumpet playing ability following even the most extreme punishment (including a school song / fight song combo). Available only through the Trumpet High Command, it is considered a prescription drug.
Marines, US- An elite branch of the Navy that will forever be talked about by people who wish they were good enough to be a part of it (See also Jarheads).
Mellobeast- Another name for Mellophone only to be used in written documents.
Mellophone- Instrument that is played by the same people as a flugal horn hand that carries all of the same characteristics of a flugal horn (See also Flugal Horn).
MLRP- An acronym for Magic Lip Rejuvenation Potion.
Motivation- When used in context with a band member, this may be defined as “bribe”.
Music Librarians- Masochistic people who want to waste their free periods every day.
Navy, US- Unmotivated branch of the military much like the Army that have a problem with keeping their pants dry (See also Squids).
North Caroline- 1) Mexico’s first colony. 2) A state of whose lesser inhabitants think is the center of all creation.
Oboe- Satan’s kazoo
Order of Command- A simple, straightforward definition of who's important, and who's not.
Pablo- Enough said. (See also definition (1) for North Carolina).
Percent- A suffix used to indicate a made-up number. as in "I feel your only working 39.6667%. I need 110%!!!"
Piccolo- Also a prime choice (along with flute players) for the rights given to trumpet players and THC members under point THC-13.
Practice- Unknown
Profanity- The was an illiterate person describes something that he can’t describe in real words.
Rambling- An inexplicably torturous punishments given to by a band director or section leader that is made to get people to hate them. Why they want people to hate them is a mystery to everyone who is being afflicted with this. Rambling can be done while an ensemble is at attention, in the blazing heat, getting eaten by mosquitoes. This is often implemented by an irate section leader or by a frustrated band director when they know that their entire inferior body is NOT made of trumpets for if they were trumpets, the rambling would not be necessary. Among the most popular time for rambling is when you are reading and handbook and understand the definition of a word that has a definition that is larger than most paragraphs in the National Geographic.
Rights- Privileges given only to brass and percussion.
Sarcasm- An extremely irritable way of talking that grown people use to make themselves feel younger or that younger people use to make them feel older. Results in a full sectional cold-shouldering.
Saxophone- The demon spawn of an oboe and a clarinet. Illegal in some states.
Sectional- An incredibly effective method of wasting time.
Singapore- One awesome country.
Solo- Bragging rights. This is exempt if the person playing the solo sucks at it.
Sophomore- One who is better than a freshman, but not as good as an upper classman (See also Freshmore).
Soprano Sax- Annoying
Spanish Class- A synonym for a free hour (See also Concert Band).
Squids- An aquatic branch of the military with low motivation and low morals (See also Navy, US).
String Instrument- Instrument used in orchestras by people who aren’t coordinated enough to blow and press buttons at the same time. Using two hands are ones is not a valid argument in arguing with this definition.
Sun Drop- Fuel of a marching band.
Superiority- Being of a higher class, guild, or level of society than all others (See also Trumpet).
Symphonic Band- The band for people who just missed being Wind Ensemble.
The Who- Quite possibly the greatest group ever to play music.
Trombone, Slide- A slightly more intellectual and better sounding version of its valve counterpart (See also Trombone, Valve).
Trombone, Valve- An extremely undisciplined instrument that has the sole purpose of filling that little sound gap between the high voices and low voices. Has no actual musical qualities.
Trumpet- An instrument superior to all others in any ensemble.
Trumpet High Command- Ordinary everyday mortals with powers and talents on loan from God.
Tuba- The section that is the most orderly and usually the smallest. Important to the band and probably a lot bigger than you.
Vanilla Coke- Also referred to as the “Nectar of the Gods”.
Visual- A way to make the color guard leader feel like he/she is a part of the band.
Wannabe- Term used to describe any person who pretends to be part of a higher calling: ex. Wannabe Trumpet, Wannabe High School Director, Wannabe Marine…
Woodwind- Loser. Woodwinds my achieve higher rank if sucking up to the THC is done figuratively or literally.
Wind Ensemble- Band for the people who THINK that they are near professional level.
Zoomie- An extremely intelligent member of a high class branch of the military (See also Air Force, US).
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