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 Posted: Fri Sep 08, 2006 10:35 pm
My son, Michael turned two in July... And I understand that some attachments to mom are normal... But I cannot leave his sight without a huge fit comming from the room he is in...
He seems ok when I drop him off at daycare, but I guess that when the morning teacher leaves he balls his eyes out like someone is killing him....
Also, he has begun being incredibly distructive...
For example, he really enjoys throwing things at people, and hitting and it seems no matter what I do he won't stop!
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Posted: Tue Sep 12, 2006 6:20 pm
I don't know if this will work for you, or if it's even the best thing to do, but with my oldest daughter I would just drop her off and leave. I mean I didn't like hover outside the door and wait for her to stop crying or anything. Yeah she would cry, but I didn't really leave her with anyone that she didn't know. My mom and my father-in-law both told me that she'd cry for a little bit after I left, but that the tears would stop shortly.
I read that the best thing to do is to not make a big deal of it yourself. Ya know, don't turn it into a production. Little ones sense when soemthing's a big deal to you.
I also read that you don't want to "sneak out" on your child. With my daughter I would tell her where I was going and that I would come back, even if she didn't understand where I was going. Then I'd make a big deal of coming back. Ya know go up to her and give her a big hug and tell her that Mommy missed her.
The other thing I would suggest is distraction. Get the new person to start playing with your son, so that he sees that there is something fun to do.
Fortunatly for me I haven't had any real violence issues yet. I don't know what to tell you there.
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Posted: Thu Sep 14, 2006 8:36 am
I suggest maybe setting aside some cuddle time when you and he get home - sit in a comfy chair (I have a lazyboy rocker/recliner, which is very handy) with him on your lap, and cuddle and read or sing - just basically reconnect. If the problem is that he's really attached to you and is acting out to get you to spend more time with him, it will give him the chance to get the love and affection he craves. It's also a positive source of attention, meaning he doesn't have to be violent to get you to notice him.
If it's a problem with the daycare, you may need to switch providers. Some are all too apt to let small children do/say/throw whatever they want, and aren't particularly fussed unless there's real injury happening. In which case he's either picking up bad habits from less-well-behaved children, or else he's developing bad habits from a lack of guidance. It's a pitfall of daycare largely because there's a range of parental opinions about how much guidance and rule-making they want from their providers, and providers often default to the level of care that nets them the fewest calls and the least paperwork. The fewer children there are in the daycare group, the more involved the providers can be in monitoring and guiding behavior, and the more likely they will be to respond well to your concerns and requests. Unfortunately, the smaller daycare providers are often more expensive.
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Posted: Fri Sep 15, 2006 11:34 pm
Yvaine I suggest maybe setting aside some cuddle time when you and he get home - sit in a comfy chair (I have a lazyboy rocker/recliner, which is very handy) with him on your lap, and cuddle and read or sing - just basically reconnect. If the problem is that he's really attached to you and is acting out to get you to spend more time with him, it will give him the chance to get the love and affection he craves. It's also a positive source of attention, meaning he doesn't have to be violent to get you to notice him. If it's a problem with the daycare, you may need to switch providers. Some are all too apt to let small children do/say/throw whatever they want, and aren't particularly fussed unless there's real injury happening. In which case he's either picking up bad habits from less-well-behaved children, or else he's developing bad habits from a lack of guidance. It's a pitfall of daycare largely because there's a range of parental opinions about how much guidance and rule-making they want from their providers, and providers often default to the level of care that nets them the fewest calls and the least paperwork. The fewer children there are in the daycare group, the more involved the providers can be in monitoring and guiding behavior, and the more likely they will be to respond well to your concerns and requests. Unfortunately, the smaller daycare providers are often more expensive. Wow thank you that seems to be working well... My son just seem to want to re-connect with me.... HE has apparently gone back to his semi-well behaved self (well for a two year old)... Thank you verry much for the advise
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Posted: Thu Nov 16, 2006 11:39 am
mine is way worse, he screams bloody murder which then makes babysitters not want to watch him...he wont let me even pee without flipping out if hes not in the room, i have tried everything but he wont let me go, he even stopped sleeping in his own bed.
now this wouldnt bother me if it wasnt for the fact that his 3 year old older brother is now starting to behave this way himself...
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Posted: Thu Nov 16, 2006 7:46 pm
My solution, for what it's worth, to the not being able to use the bathroom alone was to put up a gate in front of the bathroom, then the door is open and the girls can see me, but I don't have them there in the bathroom getting into stuff.
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Posted: Fri Nov 17, 2006 7:06 am
It's things like this that make me nervous about being a new mom. Since Daddy is in the Army for the next five years he is likly to miss out on a lot of things. Meaning she may have a certain attachment to mom over dad, which upsets me. I was always a daddy's girl and i feel that he should be here to see everything happen.
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Posted: Sat Nov 18, 2006 3:42 pm
Children will have different problems based on their age and personalities and they way they are raised. Usually children are very smart and soon learn things like "negative attention is better than no attention", "momy (or daddy) will ask something 3 (or whatever number) times before getting mad if I do not respond", etc.
Just as we react to cerain situations if we feel we are not getting enough attention or whatever they will too - just with less social skills because they are still learning them. I found that talking to them - even if I felt that they were not old enough to understand, helped a lot. I was always amazed by how much they really seemed to absorb - whether consciously or not I still don't know.
We all have a basic need to understand, be understood, love and be loved - I think
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Posted: Sun Nov 19, 2006 5:16 pm
Ms Jo Children will have different problems based on their age and personalities and they way they are raised. Usually children are very smart and soon learn things like "negative attention is better than no attention", "momy (or daddy) will ask something 3 (or whatever number) times before getting mad if I do not respond", etc. Just as we react to cerain situations if we feel we are not getting enough attention or whatever they will too - just with less social skills because they are still learning them. I found that talking to them - even if I felt that they were not old enough to understand, helped a lot. I was always amazed by how much they really seemed to absorb - whether consciously or not I still don't know. We all have a basic need to understand, be understood, love and be loved - I think This definatly makes sense. It's probibly simular to when you talk sweetly to your dog, you could be saying anything in the world to him, but it the attention and the tone of your voice. My mother refuse to talk baby to me and my vocabulary grew very quickly for my age. I just couldn't spell.
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