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this is a roughdraft i have this put up in one other guild but past that tell me what you think its only the first few chapters what should i cahange and stuff im not going full into the story till i get more done basicly there will be an eleament of magic later heres a hint (every time we touch) don't get confused because its also a lyric in a song.

Love in a year

A few bustling people scurried though the streets of a white winter wonder land snow softly flowing to the floor cascading from the sky.
A girl barley sixteen, walked along the lane intent on going to her work reflecting on her recent date.

The guy was charming and all but something about him unnerved her, true he had been polite and kind but he seemed to want something more than she would ever give and that smile just to creepy happy.

She had almost reached her destination the pet shop, it would be a bit busy for this season Christmas was coming after all and kids wanted pets like dogs and kittens even the gold fish were a good option.

one animal in particular caught her eye its was really one of the least bought pets since all the havoc the ensured it was lesser picked who would want a 400$ ferret that would cause pandemonium every where it touched.

Love in a year

A few bustling people scurried though the streets of a white winter wonder land (This is very clique, the over use of cliques give a unoriginal feel to your work)now softly flowing to the floor cascading from the sky.
A girl barley sixteen, walked along the lane intent on going to her work reflecting on her recent date.

The guy was charming and all but something about him unnerved her, true he had been polite and kind but he seemed to want something more than she would ever give and that smile just to creepy happy(you could convey this with better words in a less metric pattern).

She had almost reached her destination the pet shop, it would be a bit busy for this season Christmas was coming after all and kids wanted pets like dogs and kittens even the gold fish were a good option.

one animal in particular caught her eye its was really one of the least bought pets since all the havoc the ensured it was lesser picked who would want a 400$ ferret that would cause pandemonium every where it touched.
(this paragraph should look like this)
One animal in paticular caught her eye, it was really one of the least purchased pets. All of the self-induced havoc ensured that it was a lesser picked animal. Who would want a $400 ferret that would cause pandemonium every where it touched.


It is a captivating start to a story. I know it seems mundane to worry about things like grammer and punctuation, but we communicating a concept is your goal it is vital. Try to avoid cliques, like a said before it make the work seem unoriginal. You have a very good piece here. Keep at it.