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 Posted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 9:33 pm
For the first time in forever--or more like a week in the non-toddler spacetime continuum--Gavin had successfully escaped the horrors of bathtime. All he'd had to do was jump behind the couch, and then while Mommy was busy hunting for him on that side of the living room he rushed out the other side, into his room, and out the window. It would take her ages to figure out where he'd gotten to. Well, actually he had more like three minutes.
He needed to go somewhere...fast. The stairs stood before him, giving him two places to go. Usually he went downward, but Mommy always caught him when he went that way. After nearly a month of trial and error with this process, an epiphany finally struck.
He went upstairs.
As he toddled his way up, a recent memory shoved aside all fear of being caught. Didn't Uncle Ama live up there? Uncle Ama had a big bad mouth, but he was friendly. He was a great teacher too. Perking up with excitement, he started to climb faster until he reached the top of the fifth floor. He was going to visit Uncle Ama, having no clue that Ama didn't actually live there.
Figuring Uncle Ama would welcome him with wide, open arms, Gavin didn't even bother knocking. He stood on his tiptoes, grabbed the door knob, and then ungracefully waltzed his way inside.
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Posted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 9:40 pm
Inside, the apartment was totally quiet. There was no sign of Uncle Ama. It was quiet as a whisper; there was the slow hum of a working dishwasher, but otherwise no redheaded man out to do terrible things to Mommy.
Instead, there was another man who came out the corridor, back to Gavin, who didn't notice him at all. He had fair brown hair and wasn't nearly as tall as Uncle Ama. He went to his cupboard and his kitchen instead, humming tunelessly as he went, investigating the contents of his shelves.
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Posted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 9:47 pm
The quiet was the first thing Gavin noticed. Uncle Ama was not a quiet person. Maybe he lost his voice or something. However, all worries about Ama vanished when he noticed the other man, bringing up two very important issues. One, that Gavin seemed to be developing a very short attention span when it came to stressful situations. And two, that this person was definitely not Uncle Ama.
He was about to protest this blasphemy, but then his mind jumped to the memories of Matt, Stephen, and the shirt ninjas. Maybe this guy was an intruder. With a determined look of "Don't worry Uncle Ama! I'll protect you!", Gavin went into the standard stealth position he'd seen the two colleges boys take. Unfortunately he didn't have a shirt to wrap around his head, but he'd have to make do without. Completely quiet, he slowly crept up behind the strange man.
"Nin-ja attack!" he yelled without warning, hurtling himself toward the "intruder's" legs.
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Posted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 9:51 pm
The strange man was thrown completely off-balance, landing on the kitchen floor with an oof as he twisted his body at the last moment to not squash Gavin flat. It was a successful ninja attack! (It was also a successful father attack!, as Carver did his level best not to say s**t.)
"My goodness," said the man after a moment, having not said s**t,, rather weakly. Generally he was thanking his lucky stars that he hadn't had a mad heart attack. And then: "Ah. I see. I've been attacked by a ninja."
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Posted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 10:01 pm
After tumbling to the ground along with the intruder, Gavin had to wait a moment for the world to stop spinning. He hated it when that happened. It was like the universe was out to make him sick whenever it did that. Still, it only took him a few seconds to regain his composure. It was then that he realized he was holding the intruder's legs with his arms. Well, more like the man's ankles, considering his little toddler arms weren't big enough to make it around much else. Unfortunately for the strange man, Gavin wasn't letting go.
"You not Unkle Ama," he declared, staring the man straight in the eyes. "Ninja stop intrew--intrud--..." he paused, not able to say the word. Why was it so easy then in his head? "...bad peowple."
He spread his wings, trying to look menacing and failing miserably. In fact, he just looked like a sulky toddler now.
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Posted: Fri Sep 08, 2006 5:08 pm
It took a couple of moments for Carver to sit himself up. He thought about trying to detach Gavin from his ankles, but wisely decided against it. "Um. Uncle Ama? Uncle - uncle Ama. Oh. Oh, good lord. You must be Gavin. Hello, young man, I'm your, ... er. Uncle Carver."
'Uncle Carver' smiled hopefully, and - considering the ankles, and the set of Gavin's mouth, pulled out the big guns: "I don't suppose you'd like a chocolate biscuit while I phone your mother?" (Unspoken was: and drown Uncle Ama, who has gone to get beer.)
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Posted: Fri Sep 08, 2006 5:35 pm
If Gavin had been upset that there was an intruder, it was all gone at the mention of a new uncle and--even better--chocolate. Uncles were cool and all, but chocolate was just amazing. Mommy had given him some recently, and it ranked up there with Hammit food.
"Unkle Car-ver," Gavin tried out the words, no longer looking menacing but still holding onto his ankles. "Unkle Car."
There, that was easier. Three-letter words were so much easier to say.
"Tsokolate biskit!" he said next, though he might as well have been speaking a different language. As much as he loved chocolate, the stupid word just did not want to be pronounced. Hopefully the latter part of the word would indicate what he was asking. That and the excited expression he gave at the thought of yummy food.
Intruders never gave out yummy food, so this guy must be alright. Especially since he's an uncle too.
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Posted: Fri Sep 08, 2006 7:14 pm
The intruder-uncle picked himself up, and, after a moment's hesitation, picked up Gavin and sat him on the counter; rustling was had in the pantry before Uncle Carver produced a large chocolate digestive, which was all chocolate down one side and Healthsome Wheat on the other. (Carver considered this good snack material when in desperation.)
"Now," Uncle Car said, still planning on gently throttling Uncle Ama into sleep and praying that Remiyah wasn't going to do the same to him, "how did you get up here, Gavin?"
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Posted: Fri Sep 08, 2006 7:21 pm
At the sight of the half-chocolate, half-mysterious substance thing, Gavin reached out for it hungrily. It was how he learned about the things of the world. He stuck them in his mouth. Fortunately Remi had succeeded in keeping the more dangerous items away from the little boy. Once Gavin had the snack in his hand, he took a hearty bite. It was only half chocolate, which meant it was only half awesome. But still, it tasted good.
"Hiding from Mommy," Gavin said through the food in his mouth, giving Uncle Car a nice view as to what chocolate and wheat looked like mushed together with saliva. Remi had yet to teach him the concept of table manners. "Don't want bath."
Still didn't answer how exactly he made it up to the apartment, but at least he gave a reason why.
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Posted: Fri Sep 08, 2006 7:28 pm
"Now, Gavin," Uncle Car began - more than a bit feebly - "you mustn't run away from your mother when you have to have a bath. I imagine your mum is extremely worried about you. Besides, I'm sure bathtime is, ..." (Carver went down his hazy ladder of how to talk to a child. He hadn't practiced before, for his Soul, and now he was panicking for well and for true.) "... jolly fun. There's, ... water, and, ... soap and, ... rubber duckies."
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Posted: Fri Sep 08, 2006 7:32 pm
Gavin stared at the man incredulously. Uncles were supposed to be nice, not trying to talk him into bathtime. Only Haki could do that, and she wasn't here right now. He'd have to enlighten his poor, ignorant uncle.
"Water bad," he explained simply. "Dirt much better. Soap taste yucky. Rubber duckies no fun."
There, he'd just refuted everything Uncle Car just said. Maybe now they could collaborate. He could live here for the rest of his life and be as dirty as he wanted.
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Posted: Fri Sep 08, 2006 7:34 pm
"Ah," said Uncle Car, obvously enlightened. "I see."
Uncle Car had to turn away for a moment for some mysterious reason, but when he turned around again, he had a straight face. "But imagine if you got so smelly you had to live in a dump or a tip. I imagine that would be awful."
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Posted: Fri Sep 08, 2006 7:40 pm
Gavin couldn't believe his ears. Who cared if he smelled?! Mommy would just have to learn to live with it. Or well, if he carried out his current plan to move in with Uncle Car...well then he'd have to learn to live with it.
"But smelly good!" he reasoned, lifting his arms into the air as if it put more significance into his words. "Mommy not let me live in dump."
He said that last part with total confidence. Whether it was confidence that Remi wouldn't throw him out or that she would eventually come to her senses and realize that the smell was only natural, it was hard to tell. Whatever his thoughts were doing, he seemed to be quite sure of something. He was not going to take a bath. Nuh uh.
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Posted: Fri Sep 08, 2006 7:46 pm
"But maybe the police would come and take you to the tip," said Uncle Car, freely imprinting neuroses on a young and malleable mind. "Also, you'll never get married if you're smelly. Your Uncle Ama is very smelly and nobody marries him."
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Posted: Fri Sep 08, 2006 7:51 pm
Okay, so a part of the confidence had been shattered. No one ever mentioned any police. Those were the people that took other bad people away right? That and they lorded over all things doughnut. Yummy food or not, police scared him.
However, seeing that Uncle Car went on with other reasons why he should bathe, Gavin saw another chance to argue.
"But Unkle Ama kissed Mommy," he said stubbornly, internally horrified that anyone would bad mouth Uncle Ama. Uncle Ama was cool. "She hit him, but not say he smelled."
He paused for a second, before looking up at his new uncle with slightly fearful eyes.
"Po-lise really come take me away?"
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