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(( Because I didnt want to ruin the poet's showcase with my horrid short stories)) Here's a Place for all of us aspiring authors to show off our work and get constructive criticism or compliments on our work. I guess each peice should be introduced, and here is a format for it.

um..... confused

my head hurts.....>.<....

Hey everyone
the name of my piece is "Fallen Angel"
Its supposed to be a shortstory, but i kinda never bothered to keep workin on it.
Any and all criticism is welcomed

heres the link.
Fallen Angel

1. (None yet xp )

2. Anything

3. I tiptoed down the hall. Come on just a bit closer I urged myself. I peeked through the crack between the immense wooden door and the cold stone wall. He was working at his desk, tampering with a new artefact. He frowned. Most people couldn't tell if he was glad of furious but after living with him my whole life, I could read him like a book. He took out another tool from his large black case. Seconds later he loosened his muscles and let out a sigh. He took a sip from his flask and went back to work. My heart was thumping in my chest as if so scared to pierce my skin and run away without me. "Selene, you can come out from there, you mustn't be conferrable. Damn! I cursed. "You knew I was there?" I questioned. He gave me a smug look, "What, did you really intend to spy on your father without getting caught?" I collapsed on the chair; my body ached from crouching in front of the door. "Then how the hell did you become a spy?" I burst out. He chuckled and poured me some water on one of the old ceramic mugs which I took gratefully, gulping it down in seconds. "Practice, child, practice." He answered and went back to his invention. I rested against the back of the chair and crossed my arms, "But that's what I've been doing ever since the beginning!" he gave up trying to ignore my pouting and finally answered me. "Practice," He explained, "is the only way to learn. You need to be patient..." I Sighed, knowing that a long lecture was to come.

The Gothic Happiness

Just want, an opinion. It was a sonnet I wrote for my writing class.

This girl, she was always dark and afraid
The people called her strange and stayed away.
Her friendly personality did decy,
As her beautiful spirit was betrayed
By her only friend that cut her sweetly.
The cold metal bit ivory pale skin.
While she smiled at the blood that did trim
Her flesh. Her heart cried as the red neatly
Dripped from her gothic wonderland of pain.
The tears that stung her eyes where that of joy.
Her life had been laughed at and made a toy.
The blood that came did nothing but stain
Her soul. She had gone from this ugly world
having just one friend, her smile, it curled.

I'd forgotten about this thread thanks for finding it again!

1. Untitled

2. What type of criticism and/or suggestions you would like: anything useful any flamers will be punished

3. I woke with breath on the back of my neck and the sun on my still sleeping eyes. My love, my Paige was murmuring gently in her sleep, I had not the heart to stir her from her slumber.
I wish now that I had. I wish I had selfishly woken her and listened to her sweet voice and cherished it as I cherish my memories of her now. But I didn't, instead I slid out of our bed quietly and let her sleep on.
I wish I had made her come with me. I wish I could see her one last time.
But she is gone forever. I cannot hear her voice. I cannot see her beautiful face.
My love.
My Paige.

*~*

This is about my original character from my manga/story called Niko. Poor Niko......I feel horrible for what I've done to him (and what I'm going to do to him...).
It's kinda crappy I know but I do these things to get into character when I'm writing (it works fellow writers 3nodding )

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