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 Posted: Thu Sep 30, 2004 2:28 pm
Hello and Welcome to S.H.! I am your host Startica! If you want a laugh then you're in the right place. Here is where you can laugh until you cry and hey if you have a joke or two pm it to me and I'll post it.  Well seeing as how this is a locked topic there arent any rules hehe. The reason for it being locked is so that i don't have to look at every friggin single post to see if someone is following Gaian rules on the naughty jokes. So keep it clean and I might unlock it for you guys.
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Posted: Thu Sep 30, 2004 2:31 pm
This goes out to all my friends who started college this year!
check out this list of 25 ways of spotting a college fish....
1. Freshmen are the only perky people in your 7am class during the first week of classes.
2. Though many students look lost, freshmen are the only ones to ask where the elevator to the fifth floor is in a two story building.
3. Freshmen think they have time to watch TV and study. (We upper-classmen know that we only have time to watch TV.)
4. Freshmen use the word "Brewski".
5. Freshmen say please and thank you at meals rather than grunt and growl.
6. The freshmen will say "Good Morning Professor " in unison. (The upper-classmen will arrive a few minutes afterward.)
7. Freshmen care about how many classes they've skipped. (Upper-classmen care about how many meals they've skipped.)
8. Freshman sing in the morning. (Upper-classmen don't do anything til noon.)
9. A freshman will still be wearing his high school class ring. (Upper-classmen have long ago pawned their's for beer.)
10. Freshmen call home for more than just money.
11. Freshmen ask you if you're 21, for "no reason". (Yeah right)
12. Freshmen don't stay out late. (Because it's past their bedtime.)
13. Only a freshman can be grounded by his/her parents and be on campus.
14. Freshmen will take the time to shower before a speech.
15. A freshman's alarm clock is set 2 hours before his/her first class even if the class is at 7am. (An upper-classman's alarm lock is set 10 minute before any class after 10 am.)
16. Freshmen make kool-aid and buy cases of soda.(Upper-classmen buy Boone's Farm wine and buy cases of the cheapest beer they can find.)
17. Freshmen will offer you a soda. (Upper-classmen will kill you if you think about their beer.)
18. Freshmen do laundry once a week. (Upper-classmen don't do laundry.)
19. Freshmen respect RAs and think they can help solve their problems. (Upper-classmen avoid RAs to keep away from problems.)
20. A freshman with a car = free taxi for his/her friends. (An upper-classman with a car = a way for him/her to pay for the weekend.)
21. Credit card companies will give a freshman a credit card on the spot, so that as an upper-classman you will be paying for your freshman year adventures.
22. Freshmen will politely ask if you can turn down the volume on your radio. (Upper-classmen pound on the wall.)
23. Freshmen love the cafeteria food. (Upper-classmen eat it because they can't afford a pizza.)
24. Freshmen will dress nicely just to look nice. (Upper-classmen will dress nicely for a court date.)
25. Freshmen will take the time to read this and forward it to their friends. (Upper-classmen will only waste their time writing this.)
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Posted: Thu Sep 30, 2004 2:32 pm
Useful Latin Phrases (Star actually took Latin)
Non calor sed umor est qui nobis incommodat. It's not the heat, it's the humidity.
Di! Ecce hora! Uxor mea me necabit! God, look at the time! My wife will kill me!
Lex clavatoris designati rescundenda est. The designated hitter rule has got to go.
Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare. I think some people in togas are plotting against me.
Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris. If Caesar were alive, you'd be chained to an oar.
Quantum materiae materietur marmota manox si marmota monax materiam possit materiari? How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
(At a Barbeque) Animadveristine, ubicumque stes, fumum recta in facuem ferri? Ever notice how wherever you stand, the smoke goes right into your face?
Neutiquam erro. I am not lost.
Hocine bibo aut in eum digitos insero? Do I drink this or stick my fingers in it?
Vah! Denuone Latine loquebar? Me ineptum. Interdum modo elabitur. Oh! Was I speaking Latin again? Silly me. Sometimes it just sort of slips out.
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Posted: Thu Sep 30, 2004 2:35 pm
How can you tell If you are a LATINO? (Star comes from Mexican descent)
If you have ever been hit by a chancla.
If you grew up scared by something called El Cucuy
If others tell you to stop screaming when you are really just talking.
If you light a candle on the night of the Lotto Drawing.
If you use your lips to point something out.
If you constantly refer to cereal as Pos Tostes
If your mother yells at the top of her lungs to call you for dinner even if it's a one bedroom apartment.
If you can dance merngue, cumbia or salsa without any music.
If you use monteca instead of olive oil and can't figure out why your butt is getting bigger.
If you call your sneakers tenis.
If you have atleast thirty cousins.
If you can't imagine anyone not likeing Spicy Food.
If you are in a 5-passenger car with 7-people in it and a person shouting
If whenever you feel under the weather you compulsively dab on some Veeks all over your chest and in your nostrils.
Your mom packs your lunchero and you've just turned thirty-two
You or someone you know uses Tres Flores in their hair
Tamales, Champurrado, Ham and Turkey are must haves on Thanksgiving.
There is more Budweiser than punch at Little Angel's Birthday Party.
Your parents think you are crazy because you've moved out without getting married first.
You actually sat there reading this stuff and knew what I was talking about.
The next part was submitted by Ericsan:
If you can run and play any sport while wearing chanclas....Mexican status!!
If your late Tio left you a van and you turned it into a taco vending business, Yes, you're a Mexican.
If you pronounce words beginning with the letter "S" by putting an "E" in front of it, (estop instead of stop), big time Mexican.
If you call a chair, a sher, you got it.... Mexican.
If you have ever hurt yourself and your mamacita rubbed the area while chanting, "Sana, Sana, Colita de rana....." You're Mexican, big time!!!
If you have your last name in old English lettering anywhere on your car, truck, or tattooed on your back. Yes, you ARE a Mexican (proud one too).
If you refer to your wife as your ruca, your hina, your wifa, your old lady, or your vieja, guess what? Not only are you a Mexican, you're a cholo.
If you throw a "Grito" every time you hear Vicente Fernandez, then not only are you a Mexican, but you are a drunk Mexican.
If you have ever been pinched in church and been told "pobrecito de ti si lloras" or "Vas a ver orita que salgamos." Yes, you're definitely a Mexican.
If you grew up being called "chamaca or chamaco" ...Mexican.
If you grew up scared of La Llorona, or fear the dark because of ElCuCuy! Yes Mexican!
If you site persinas with a lotto ticket in your hand before every drawing. You're in the Mexican Zone!!!
If you ask for something by "dame esa chingadera" instead of calling it by its name. Yup! Mexican!
If you constantly refer to cereal as "con fleys" or cake as "kay-ke". You're a Mexican!
If you use manteca instead of vegetable oil and can't figure out why your butt is getting bigger......You might be a Mexican.
If you have tias that dress up in their prom dresses to go to a birthday party at "el parque". You are a Mexican.
If your tias and abuela dress up in their Sunday best with heels and all to go to the "pulga." (AKA the Flea Market) Then, yes, you are a Mexican.
If most of the houses on your block are painted bright pink, mint green, and lavender. Mexican.
If you use the bushes in front of your house, the fence, or the top of an old car to dry laundry. Yes, you're a Mexican.
If you're congested and your mamasita rubbed "Bicks" into your nostrils and gives you "jugo de sebolla" with sugar, (grandma's recipe!) to help relieve your symptoms. You're Mexican.
IF YOU DON'T NEED ANY EXPLANATIONS FOR ANY OF THE ABOVE, YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE A TRUE MEXICAN.
VIVA LA RAZA!!!
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Posted: Mon Oct 18, 2004 9:08 am
Cubans in the "After Life..." {Startica has Cuban friends}
Gabriel came to the Lord and said "I have to talk to you. We have some
Cubans up here who are causeing problems. They're swinging on the pearly
gates, my horn is missing, Mojo sauce is all over their robes, their
dogs are riding in the chariots, and they're wearing straw hats and baseball caps instead of their halos. The refuse to keep the stairway
to heaven clean. They have watermelon seeds and pigs feet bones all over
the place. They are setting up c**k fights in the clouds, and some of
them are walking around with just one wing."
The Lord said, "Cubans are Cubans, Gabriel. Heaven is home to all my
children. If you want to know about real problems call the Devil."
So he did The Devil answered the phone, "Hello?Damn, hold on a minute." The Devil
returned to the phone, "O.K., I'm back. What can I do for you?" Gabriel
replied, "I just want to know what kind of problems you're having down
there."
The Devil said, "Hold on again. I need to check on something." After
about 5 minutes the Devil returned to the phone and said,"I'm back. Now
what was the question?"
Gabriel said,"What kind of problems are you having down there?" The
Devil said,"Man, I don't believe this....Hold on."
This time the Devil was gone 15 minutes. The Devil returned and said,
"I'm sorry Gabriel, I can't talk right now. Those damn Cubans have put out the fire and are trying to install air conditioning.
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Posted: Mon Oct 18, 2004 9:23 am
A Mexican Genie!!
A Mexican lady was walking along the bank of the Ro Grande when she stumbled upon un old empy cerveza bottle.
She picked it up and rubbed it, and a la vez, a Genie appeared.
She talked with him a while then the Genie told her he would grant her ONE weesh.
She said to the Genie "I hear from mi prima that i coo get three weeshes if I ever found a Genie.
the Genie said, "Oh no, sorry esa. Three-weesh genies are a story-tale
myth.
I'm a ONE-WEESH Genie, Uno, no mas! So....que quiere?
The lady didn't hesitate.
She said,"I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these
countries to stop fighting with eash other and I want all the Arabs to love
Jews and Americanos. It will bring world peace and harmony."
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed,"Orale! BE REASONABLE! These
countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after
being in that bottle for five hundred years. I'm good , but NOT THAT GOOD!!!
I don't think it can be done. PLEASE make another weesh and please
be reasonable."
The lady thought for aminute and said,"Well,I've never bean able to fine
the right man. I want a Mexicano boyfriend...You know, one that DOESN'T
DRINK ALCOHOL,nice y fun, likes to Cumbia and helps with cleaning la casa.
I want him to be great in bed and gets along con mi familia,and is FAITHFUL
and doesn't throw chingasos at me. That's what I weesh for...a goof
Mexicano man."
The Genie let out a long sigh, shook his caveza and said,"Pinche vieja! Let me see that freakin' map agian."
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Posted: Tue Nov 02, 2004 12:08 pm
freshman things ive done: 3,5,9,10 (clean laundry too),18,23 (only cause its sorta free), 24
xp
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Posted: Wed Dec 08, 2004 12:03 pm
I am guilty of 5, 10, and 24 in the Freshman list. Still am, I think, even though I am no longer a freshman. Oh well.
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