|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Wed Sep 29, 2004 12:54 pm
Does anyone know about them? I wrote one (for a class and any classwork I do is never very good stare ) and people told me that I had lines that didn't fit or something like that when i followed the rhyming schme (it's ABBAABBACDDCEE right?) Can you guys tell me what's wrong with it? it's untitled
My heart is nothing but melting despair
After you ripped it from its only nest.
Keeping our love intact, I did my best.
Beastly laughing, you retreat to your lair.
Sulking in the dark, feeling my soul tear
I watched the hatred grow. Saw the last crest
Rip us from our embrace. Breaking our trust.
I'm being punished for wanting to care
About someone as cruel as you're being.
And when our bliss began to sink away,
I knew, that in turmoil, you would not stay,
So I didn't protest your foul fleeing.
Now I sit here, lovelorn and decaying
Because of our past love, I am paying.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Sep 29, 2004 4:19 pm
please some one help me out crying
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Sep 30, 2004 12:56 pm
It's not in iambs, which I think is the problem. You have the 10-syllables down, but they should be in groups of five with an unstressed followed by a stressed. Because of the lack of iambs, the rhythm in the sonnet is off.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Sep 30, 2004 1:10 pm
The Lisa Faerie It's not in iambs, which I think is the problem. You have the 10-syllables down, but they should be in groups of five with an unstressed followed by a stressed. Because of the lack of iambs, the rhythm in the sonnet is off. oh, is that it? but, you see, I don't know how to do that. I've tried and failed horribly.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
