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I have tons of topology jokes... but I am lacking jokes. I need some jokes. I am going to make shirts for the college math club, and we would like to do something amusing... Honestly I am thinking about suggesting we put my siggy on the shirt, but I think I would like to see if I could find something better!

Dictionary of Definitions of Terms Commonly Used in Math. lectures.

The following is a guide to terms which are commonly used but rarely defined. In the search for proper definitions for these terms we found no authoritative, nor even recognized, source. Thus, we followed the advice of mathematicians handed down from time immortal: "Wing It."

CLEARLY:
I don't want to write down all the "in- between" steps.
TRIVIAL:
If I have to show you how to do this, you're in the wrong class.
OBVIOUSLY:
I hope you weren't sleeping when we discussed this earlier, because I refuse to repeat it.
RECALL:
I shouldn't have to tell you this, but for those of you who erase your memory tapes after every test...
WLOG (Without Loss Of Generality):
I'm not about to do all the possible cases, so I'll do one and let you figure out the rest.
IT CAN EASILY BE SHOWN:
Even you, in your finite wisdom, should be able to prove this without me holding your hand.
CHECK or CHECK FOR YOURSELF:
This is the boring part of the proof, so you can do it on your own time.
SKETCH OF A PROOF:
I couldn't verify all the details, so I'll break it down into the parts I couldn't prove.
HINT:
The hardest of several possible ways to do a proof.
BRUTE FORCE (AND IGNORANCE):
Four special cases, three counting arguments, two long inductions, "and a partridge in a pair tree."
SOFT PROOF:
One third less filling (of the page) than your regular proof, but it requires two extra years of course work just to understand the terms.
ELEGANT PROOF:
Requires no previous knowledge of the subject matter and is less than ten lines long.
SIMILARLY:
At least one line of the proof of this case is the same as before.
CANONICAL FORM:
4 out of 5 mathematicians surveyed recommended this as the final form for their students who choose to finish.
TFAE (The Following Are Equivalent):
If I say this it means that, and if I say that it means the other thing, and if I say the other thing...
BY A PREVIOUS THEOREM:
I don't remember how it goes (come to think of it I'm not really sure we did this at all), but if I stated it right (or at all), then the rest of this follows.
TWO LINE PROOF:
I'll leave out everything but the conclusion, you can't question 'em if you can't see 'em.
BRIEFLY:
I'm running out of time, so I'll just write and talk faster.
LET'S TALK THROUGH IT:
I don't want to write it on the board lest I make a mistake.
PROCEED FORMALLY:
Manipulate symbols by the rules without any hint of their true meaning (popular in pure math courses).
QUANTIFY:
I can't find anything wrong with your proof except that it won't work if x is a moon of Jupiter (Popular in applied math courses).
PROOF OMITTED:
Trust me, It's true.

xd

What do you get when you cross a mountain goat with a mountain climber.

You can't... they're both SCALARS!!!! neutral 4laugh cool wink heart domokun scream eek exclaim mrgreen talk2hand

this is a physics joke, not math so don't pms on me k.

A neutron walks into a bar, he asks the bartender for the price of a wine bottle. The bartender says " It's not charge for you".




get it? no charge for you... neutrons have no charge. lol imagine if a proton asks for it. $100000000000000000000 . hehehheheh ino im a geeky nerd. I feel sorry for myself so people won't have to for me.

That's not a pi, dear. That's not even the same language or alphabet. That's an aleph, stolen from Hebrew. Pi is in fact shaped like a pie.

"Your such a third derivative of a possition function with respect to time!"

(for those that don't know, the third derivative of a position function is known as the jerk fuction or simply jerk... yes its lame I know...)

Give the volume of a cylinder is ∏r²h, what is the volume of a pie whose radius is z and height is a?