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 Posted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 9:52 am
Ode to Darkness
By: Rockman SP
Life cannot exist without darkness
It follows us everywhere we go
It tells us when the day is done
It can change the moods that we may be in
Even in our dreams, we first see the black mist
The universe was said to begin as darkness
In times of despair, it is darkness that sometimes comforts us the most
Night is said to be the bringer of darkness
The moon is considered the father of darkness
Darkness is an almost unbeatable element
For it is one of the properties of both time and balance
Life cannot begin nor end without darkness
Please R&R!! blaugh
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Posted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 10:21 am
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Posted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 11:13 am
You'll have to be patient--there's not really a lot of us here and few online at the same time.
As far as your poem goes, it's more like a list of statements than a poem (prose with funny line breaks). Try using more imagery.
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Posted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 11:24 am
I don't know much about poetry, but I love the feeling of the words. The philosophy is great, it makes you think ^^. The whole darkness thing...it's so cool because it's true ^^
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Posted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 12:29 pm
Thanks everyone!!! blaugh
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Posted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 3:48 pm
I agree. The idea is good, but there are some places that I'd like to see the imagery expanded on. Like "It follows us everywhere we go" and "In times of despair, it is darkness that sometimes comforts us the most" or maybe here "Darkness is an almost unbeatable element/For it is one of the properties of both time and balance" Maybe if you chose 2 or 3 of these lines (there are some I think you could combine, like follows us & night follows day & life can't begin/end w/o...) and focus on them and the imagery they invoke. I love this line: "In times of despair, it is darkness that sometimes comforts us the most" ... one of the ideas I've heard connected with darkness is a mother's womb, and this line reminds me of that.
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Posted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 6:47 pm
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Posted: Sat Jul 31, 2004 12:43 pm
This poem has a lot of good elements to it like
repeating the word dark/ darkness gave your poem a stronger feeling every time u used it.
But I have to agree that imagery lacks in your poem.
It is a very good poem though 3nodding
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Posted: Sat Jul 31, 2004 4:43 pm
that's really good ya should publish it into a book
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Posted: Mon Aug 02, 2004 5:21 am
Those are actually pretty good ideas. This is one of my oldest poems, from when I was in high school..... I never got around to fixing it up, though...... I'll have to give it a whirl!! blaugh
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Posted: Wed Aug 04, 2004 1:02 pm
I side with everyone else; there is so much imagery that can be used to portray darkness. Mostly this seems like an oral report on darkness, more than a poem. It lacks flow. It DOES have potential but needs a lot of work IMHO.
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Posted: Thu Aug 12, 2004 11:36 am
I liked it, but then again, that is just me. People laugh at me for things, so I suppose that this is going to be one of those times. I thought that if this poem, as you named it, was about darkness, and the balance that it brings, should there not be some part of it that hs to do with the light that brings balance to the darkness. Because light is just as powerful, and you may disagree, but I think that balance was a key element in that poem, so should it not therefore, be balanced?
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Posted: Thu Aug 12, 2004 7:09 pm
Hey biggrin
I think what you have here is basically prose, so you can make it more effective by playing around with line structure - it really works!
Put half the lines staggered down the page, or break up lines in non traditional ways- like after a word that you feel has a lot of impact, even if it is in the middle of the sentence. Prose doesn't have to be line, line , line. You can spice it up- it will make your ideas clearer, I think. Don't be confined by what your high school teachers told you was "proper" biggrin
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Posted: Thu Aug 12, 2004 8:59 pm
All I really can say is that I really like it. May I inquire as to how you can up with that?? I like picking peoples' brains, find out what's in the creative juices that flow in their veins (don't worry, I'm not that strange... it's just late) wink
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