emilyyamaki
Yeah...I guess you're right...I dunno...I mean...I think you could tell me what you think is the best road...that's what I'm looking for...
We can't. All we can offer is opinion and support, and neither of those should influence what your eventual decision would be.
It would be a good idea to talk to a doctor for sure, and discuss your 3 options. Talking to a trusted adult might also help, like a close family friend or a counsellor of some sort.
This sticky (scroll down, 4th post) has information on abortion, adoption, and raising the child that you might find useful:
http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?t=2608523As wotfan mentioned, abortion rules change depending on where you live. In Canada, it's up to 5 months. In the US, I think it varies from state to state. You need to do some research, talk to a doctor, and look into it if you think it's something you might decide. Also, some places require you to have parental knowledge and consent before they'll perform the abortion. So, you need to find out about that too.
Another thing to consider about abortion is the emotional impact it might have on you. Depending on your opinion of abortion and your beliefs, it may or may not effect you emotionally. Some people view an embryo or a fetus as a non-human, and thus they are ok with abortion, whereas some people view the embryo/fetus as a living human in development and thus it is wrong to kill a living thing growing inside a female. There are some women who don't think too much of an abortion, and there are women who get one and regret it or feel guilty even years later down the road.
Adoption is another choice. With adoption, there's 2 sub-options: Closed Adoption, and Open Adoption. Open adoption seems to be less known than closed adoption. Again, if you're thinking of carrying the pregnancy to term, then you need to do research into one/both types of adoption, and see what's available for where you live.
Closed adoption means you give up your child at birth, you sign away your parental rights, and (to my knowledge) you are not able to see your child until they are 18. At that point, if the means are available, they can choose to contact you, or vice versa.
As wotfan mentioned, closed adoption can be hard for some people, as they find they are not able to give up the little person they carried for 9 months. Some change their minds at the last minute. Some women are unable to bear the knowledge that once they give up their baby, they will not see their child again for 18 years, if not longer. It's something to think about.
Open adoption is a bit different. While you are still giving up your baby, open adoption allows you to look at different prospective families, and pick the one you want your child to be adopted by. From there, once the child is adopted into the other family, I believe you are allowed parental visits so you still have a limited role in the child's life.
Finally, your third option is to keep the child. But going by what you've already told us, you need to seriously consider a lot of things:
1) Money and finances. You have no financial support from your family, from what it sounds like, so you will have only your own funds to live on. Can you make enough money before the child is born? What about welfare and government support to help raise the baby? Is your family willing to be supportive at all? What about Tyler's family?
2) Job or future career. With a child to raise, and little to no support from your family, how will you afford a baby-sitter/someone to watch your child while you're at work? What kind of job will you get with little education, and little job experience? Is it enough to live on, with a child to support?
3) Tyler's involvement. Even if he's left you, you can still take him to court for chid support. Of course, this will probably involve legal fees of some sort, which you'd need to talk over with your family. What will you do if you're a single parent? What will you do if he chooses to get back together with you during your pregnancy/after the baby is born? Can you risk him walking out again, if he's already shown he can do it once?
4) Education. With a baby to raise, where will you find time to go back to school and get your GED if you're still in high school? What about post-secondary education? Where will you find the money to raise a child and go to school, especially if you do it on your own? What if you take out student loans - will you have the money to repay them?
And so on, and so on.
As wotfan mentioned, it's very very hard to raise a child at a young age, especially on your own. My last landlady had a baby at 15, and from what I understood, she was thrown out of the house. She raised the baby as a single parent for 5 years, living in shelters and halfway houses, until she met her fiance at the age of 20. He's not her daughter's biological father, but he fills that role. She is still working on her schooling, and is turning 25 or 26. I don't think she has any regrets, but she doesn't deny that it has been hard. She works a job while going to school and raising her daughter. She has student loans she will eventually have to pay back, too.
It is fulfilling, yes, though tiresome at time and exhausting. And you need to think about what is best for your
child, not what you want or think is best for you. If you have the support systems in place and the money to have a child and be a single parent, then it's something to consider. But if you have little money, which you said you do, and you have no family support or partner support, which you also said you don't have, then maybe you really, really need to sit down, talk to a trusted adult, and discuss your other options.
Good luck to you.
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