The Ethics of Love Spells
by Mike Nichols

To gain the love of someone: On a night of the full moon, walk to a
spot beneath your beloved's bedroom window, and whisper his/her name
three times to the nightwind. --Ozark love spell

It seems to be an immutable law of nature. You are interviewed by a
local radio or TV station, or in some local newspaper. The topic of
the interview is Witchcraft or Paganism, and you spend the better
part of an hour brilliantly articulating your beliefs, your devotion
to Goddess and nature, the difference between Witchcraft and
Satanism, and generally enlightening the public at large. The next
day, you are flooded with calls. Is it people complimenting you on
such a splendid interview? No.

People wanting to find out more about the religion of Wicca? Huh-uh.
People who are even vaguely interested in what you had to say??? Nope.
Who is it? It's people asking you to do a love spell for them!
This used to drive me nuts. I'd take a deep breath and patiently
explain (for the thousandth time) why I won't even do love spells for
myself, let alone anyone else. This generally resulted in my caller
becoming either angry or defensive, but seldom more enlightened. 'But
don't you DO magic?', they ask. 'Only occasionally,' I answer. 'And
aren't most magic spells love spells?', they persist. That was the
line I really hated, because I knew they were right! At least, if you
look at the table of contents of most books on magic, you'll find
more love spells than any other kind. This seems as true for the
medieval grimoire as for the modern drugstore paperback.

Why? Why so many books containing so many love spells? Why such an
emphasis on a kind of magic that I, personally, have always considered
very negative? And to make matters even more confusing, the books that
do take the trouble of dividing spells between 'positve'
and 'negative' magic invariably list love spells under the first
heading. After all, they would argue, love is a good thing. There can
never be too much of it. Therefore, any spell that brings about love
must be a GOOD spell.

Never mind that the spell puts a straightjacket on another's free
will, and then drops it in cement for good measure.And that is why I
had always assumed love magic to be negative magic.

Years ago, one of the first things I learned as a novice Witch was
something called the Witch's Rede, a kind of 'golden rule' in
traditional Witchcraft. It states, 'An it harm none, do what thou
will.'

One uses this rede as a kind of ethical litmus test for a spell. If
the spell brings harm to someone -- anyone (including yourself!) --
then don't do it! Unfortunately, this rule contains a loophole big
enough to fly a broom through. It's commonly expressed, 'Oh, this
won't HARM them; it's really for their own good.' When you hear
someone say that, take cover, because something especially nasty is
about to happen.That's why I had to develop my own version of the
Witch's Rede. Mine says that if a spell harms anyone, OR LIMITS THEIR
FREEDOM OF THOUGHT OR ACTION IN ANY WAY, then consider it negative,
and don't do it. Pretty strict, you say? Perhaps. But there's another
law in Witchcraft called the Law of Threefold Return. This says that
whatever power you send out, eventually comes back to you three times
more powerful. So I take no chances. And love spells, of the typical
make-Bobby-love-me type, definitely have an impact on another's free
will.So why are they so common?

It's taken me years to make peace with this, but I think I finally
understand. The plain truth is that most of us NEED love. Without it,
our lives are empty and miserable. After our basic survival needs
have been met, we must have affection and companionship for a full
life. And if it will not come of its own accord, some of us may be
tempted to FORCE it to come. And nothing can be as painful as loving
someone who doesn't love you back. Consequently, the most common,
garden-variety spell in the world is the love spell. Is there
ever a way to do a love spell and yet stay within the parameters of
the Witch's Rede? Possibly. Some teachers have argued that if a spell
doesn't attempt to attract a SPECIFIC person into your life, but
rather attempts to attract the RIGHT person, whomever that may be,
then it is not negative magic. Even so, one should make sure that the
spell finds people who are 'right' for each other -- so that neither
is harmed, and both are made happy.Is there ever an excuse for the
make-Bobby-love-me type of spell?

Without endorsing this viewpoint, I must admit that the most cogent
argument in its favor is the following: Whenever you fall in love with
someone, you do everything in your power to impress them. You dress
nicer, are more attentive, witty, and charming. And at the same time,
you unconsciously set in motion some very powerful psychic forces. If
you've ever walked into a room where someone has a crush on you, you
know what I mean. You can FEEL it. Proponents of this school say that
a love spell only takes the forces that are ALREADY there -- MUST be
there if you're in love -- and channels them more efficiently.But the
energy would be there just the same, whether or not you use a
spell to focus it.I won't attempt to decide this one for you. People
must arrive at their own set of ethics through their own
considerations. However, I would call to your attention all the
cautionary tales in folk magic about love spells gone awry. Also, if
a love spell has been employed to join two people who are not
naturally compatible, then one must keep pumping energy into the
spell. And when one finally tires of this (and one will, because it
is hard work!) then the spell will unravel amidst an emotional and
psychic hurricane that will make the stormiest divorces seem calm by
comparison. Not a pretty picture.It should be noted that many spells
that pass themselves off as love spells are, in reality, sex spells.
Not that there's anything surprising in that, since our most basic
needs usually include sex. But I think we should be clear from the
outset what kind of spell it is. And the same ethical standards used
for love spells can often be applied to sex spells. Last year, the
very quotable Isaac Bonewits, author of 'Real Magic', taught a sex
magic class here at the Magick Lantern, and he tossed out the
following rule of thumb: Decide what the mundane equivalent of your
spell would be, and ask yourself if you could be arrested for it. For
example, some spells are like sending a letter to your beloved in the
mail, whereas other spells are tantamount to abduction. The former is
perfectly legal and normal, whereas the latter is felonious.One
mitigating factor in your decisions may be the particular tradition
of magic you follow. For example, I've often noticed that
practitioners of Voudoun (Voodoo) and Santeria seem much more focused
on the wants and needs of day-to-day living than on the abstruse
ethical considerations we've been examining here. That's not a value
judgement -- just an observation. For example, most followers of
Wicca STILL don't know how to react when a Santerian priest spills
the blood of a chicken during a ritual -- other than to feel pretty
queasy. The ethics of one culture is not always the same as
another.And speaking of cultural traditions, another consideration is
how a culture views love and sex. It has often been pointed out that
in our predominant culture, love and sex are seen in very possessive
terms, where the beloved is regarded as one's personal property. If
the spell uses this approach, treating a person as an object,
jealously attempting to cut off all other relationships, then the
ethics are seriously in doubt. However, if the spell takes a more
open approach to love and sex, not attempting to limit a person's
other relationships in any way, then perhaps it is more defensible.
Perhaps. Still, it might be wise to ask, Is this the kind of spell
I'd want someone to cast on me?

Love spells. Whether to do them or not. If you are a practitioner of
magic, I dare say you will one day be faced with the choice. If you
haven't yet, it is only a matter of time. And if the answer is yes, then
which spells are ethical and which aren't? Then you, and only you, will
have to decide whether 'All's fair in love and war', or whether there are
other, higher, metaphysical considerations.

Document Copyright © 1988, 1998 by Mike Nichols

This was sent to me by my old religious advisor.