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Ok. I admit it. I'm mainly posting this here because I need to get some gold to buy some stuff. I personally don't think this is a very good story, but it's mine. Comments are appreciated if you feel moved to do so! BE WARNED! This does contain some swear words.

Baka Disease

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“La la la I’m off to school!” a young girl sang as she skipped across the courtyard of her families’ shrine. She wore a white and forest green sailor style uniform with a ridiculously short shirt and a red necktie. “Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me…” She also seemed to have ADD.

“Hey sis!” A young boys’ voice called out, “quit your stupid skipping and get over here!”

The girl skipped over to her brother, not seeming to notice the eye twitch he developed, “what is it Souta, my darling brother who I love oh so very much?”

“Save the incest for Angel Sanctuary, Kagome,” Souta spat, “your goddamn cat is in the well house and I don’t want to get him.” The young boy crossed his arms and used his ‘I’m-too-cool-for-you’ glare #462.

Kagome bent over and patted her brothers’ head, “isn’t there something you want to say to me first? Maybe wish me a happy birthday…?”

“No.”

“Okay then!” The schoolgirl straightened up and skipped into the well house.

“And stop skipping! Your skirt flaps up and everyone can see your slut underwear!’

“Doododoodoodoodoo…”

Souta just shook his head at the off-tune rendition of the happy birthday song and wandered off to school.

Meanwhile in the well house, Kagome skip-hopped down some rickety old stairs. When two stairs were left, she jumped down, “WHEE!”

THUMPSQUISHMEOW!

Kagome looked down and saw her obese calico under her standard issue loafers. “Buyo!” She reached down and attempted to lift the gargantuan feline.

“Mrow.” Buyo glared at the girl.

“Don’t worry Buyo, I’ll get you!”

“Mrow.” You see, ‘mrow’ is cat for ‘put me down, you crazy whore! I can see your slut underwear!’

Kagome ignored her cat’s protests and turned so that her back was to the well. She wedged one hand under each hemisphere of her cat and pulled.

Now, there were quite a few things Kagome didn’t understand about fat, being the borderline anorexic that she is. Namely, fat doesn’t like to be moved.

When Kagome grabbed the massive amounts of lard that lay just under the surface of her pet, the lard got pissed.

“Eh!” Kagome felt the flab that she was latched onto shift under her fingers. In fact, it seemed to defy all laws of physics and morph around her hands, leaving her with empty fists and causing her to fly back onto the rickety cover of the decrepit old well. She heard a crack, and then she was falling through the air surrounded by bits of old wood. “Eeeeeeh!”

A blue flash erupted from the depths of the well and lit the room for a brief moment, before it dimmed and left the well house empty.

Kagome fell, waiting for the painful contact that never came. She felt something slimy rub across her cheek, and her tightly shut eyes popped open.

The sight that met her was a woman’s face, mouth open, fangs showing, and an abnormally long tongue slithering back into her mouth. She moved her eyes downward and met a naked torso. Her face heated up and she quickly averted her gaze, only to be met with the sight of a long skeleton that resembled that of a snake, with pieces of flesh still stuck to it, the dull sheen reminded her of a bug.

“Aw crap.”

At the sound of this disappointed muttering, Kagome once again met the creatures eyes.

“I was supposed to come to you.” The creature shook one of its many arms in the direction of where the sky should have been.

“Aha!” Kagome slapped her fist into her open palm, “I get it now!” She rubbed the back of her hand across her forehead where a light coating of sweat had formed, “man you guys really got me this year!”

“What?” The woman looked at the school-girl, her gaze similar to the one people often aquire when they pass the bag lady who talks to herself in the street.

“My annual birthday prank!” She patted the bug-woman on the shoulder, ignoring the way she tried to twist away from the friendly gesture, “who thought it up this year?”

“Get your hands off me!”

Kagome blinked, “you guys can stop now, I’ve figured it out.”

The centipede woman hissed, her face twisted with rage, “you stupid, stupid little girl!” She finally managed to squirm away from Kagome, falling away into the dark blue of the shifting zones.

Kagome’s final look at the woman showed that her skeleton was no longer visible, covered completely with the bug-like plates. “Wow… that was really good papier maché… OOF!” The ground Kagome had expected to meet moments after she fell into the well finally found her, like children playing hide and seek. Tag, you’re it, b***h.

The school-girl stood up and winced, crying over her sore bottom, “owie… huh?” Kagome looked up and was met with a view of the nice blue sky, a sure sign that she was no longer in the well house. But this shocking fact didn’t seem to bother her, what did was…

“Darn it! I don’t have my backpack! Now I have to go all the way back to the house to get it!” She pouted and started stomping her feet, resembling a child having a temper tantrum, “fooey!” With that said, she grabbed a vine that was never there before and started climbing out of the well.

Meanwhile at the shrine…

“I can’t wait until Kagome’s ready to go!” said Yuka, one of Kagome’s friends.

“Yeah! We’re gonna’ get her good with these water balloons!” Ayumi cheered.

“This is SO much better then last years’ whoopee cushion!” Eri added.

Back with Kagome

One hand clasped the rim of the well from the inside, then another, and finallyh a mop of black hair was seen. Kagome scrambled over the edge of the well and fell onto the grass below. “Phew,” she gave a weak smile as she lay on her back, breathing hard. After a few minutes, she caught her breath and sat up, examining her surroundings. “This is a bit odd… when did mom and gramps remodel?”

She rested in a small clearing, the lush green grass reaching halfway up her shins, small butterflies flitted to and from the tiny wildflowers, and the whole area was ringed by a dense forest that was only vaguely familiar. She saw the Goshinboku tree in the distance and recalled all the times when she got lost as a little girl, finding her way home from that very tree.

“Yes! I can find my way home from there! I’ll grab my backpack and get to school.” And she ran off through the thick forest to the tree.

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! If you would like a link to my fanfiction account, PM me.

I'm so glad you enjoyed it. If you want, I can send you the link to the next chapter (when I finally get around to finishing it.)

That was so freaking hilarious! Keep it up! Stupid slut underwear!

Heheh..."Tag."

Oh, I loved the lard getting pissed.

Either Kagome's an idiot, or something's wrong. How can you think bug-lady isn't real? I wonder what happens when she meets Inuyasha...

You have a great talent for parodies, dfinitely keep it up!!! Sailor Moon would be fun to see, but I think maybe a Teen Titans or PokeMon fic like this would fun too. Where in the heck is part two??? xd domokun