Welcome to Gaia! ::

a few people have asked me and i am a gurl i change my avatars sex recently to mess around with it leik a dress up doll

this is really hard to say and ive only said it once so far, my cousin has been brutaly raping me and several others for couple years (5 for me) including me, his male cousin who is 10 yesterday and another female that lives next door, this has been going on since i was 8 and the things he does are getting increasingly worse, his girl friend has even began to "play" wiht us,as they say it, their was a 4rth peerson he ws doing it to but she killed her slef last year, the worse part is that he is only 15, 2 years older then me, so i feel weaker, but he is also strong enough and big enough top kill me with hus bare hands, i thought nothing of it till last year..it started so young it was normal to me, and at i thought about ti dident scare me untill the one girl killled her self, the next tme he touched me i stabed him wiith a kitchen knife and ran away, it took me 4 hours toi walk home in the pitch of night, since i always stayed at his house(he treatened to hurt me if i said no when his mom asked) i was so afriad he would get me i put my grand fathers double barrel to my head it should have killed me but the mechanism locked and wouldent fire, for a while i took that as a sign, i was 12 at the time and i ended up not seeing him for three months, i was extremaly (excuse the lang) fuked up in the head..to where i did somthing ir regerete..

i called him..it fuked me up so muhc i feel strange without it happening, so when i stayed over, so was the other female..and his girl friend, the other female was about 10 and i was 12..this was last year..he forced me to...give him oral while the other girl was fored to give me oral, his girl friend watched smiling..he touched me alot..he made me do things to the toher girl, and his girl friend..i ..i dident want anything to happen to the other girl, jus tto me..i saw one of his many ilegal ovject under his bed while he penatrated me on the floor, a switch blade knife, i thought the whole time about picking it upstabing him and getting her out of there..the girl was crying and bleed next to me curled up in a ball..but was so metaly twisted i ddient..i dident want it to stop..i was beging to like it, when it wasd over he said bye like nothing happened and sent me and the other girl on our way, her name was rose, i often use the name rose, for user names, passwords, role plays, i feel like i ow it to her..for not helping her... i tryed to hug her crying before she entered her house saying i was sorryt hat i could have done somthing she punched me and ran in the house yelling i was jus like him, i havent seen him since and am now afriad of sex..rose has also killed her self, she made it look like she accedently fell off an over pass in front of an on coming truck, she was an intelligent person, she knew the fall wasent enough to kill her..she planed it, she made it look like she sleped on ice..

i could tell when they showd it on tv..she planed it..cuz i had planed the same exact plan, i now cut alot..hoping i cut to deep..i see his mmother alot hating her for who her son is..she had a doughter and another is on the way..im afraid for wat he might do to them..but its so hard to tell, wat should i do, im kinda still metaly fuked up, but now in oppiste terms, now im afraid of sex in all ways...but i feel like im unloved, and all i want is to find somone of any sex, to love me..but i feel like i have ntohing to give them to show them that i luv them, wat should i do about him and his sisters, and wat should i do about feeling like i have nothign to give

I mean no offense, but it might help if you broke up that block of text into paragraphs. A lot of people are turned off of things that are hard to read, and if it looks like it's hard to read and/or understand, many people won't bother. Same goes for spelling and grammar too.

Considering she gave no personal opinions there, just a general observation on how the board usually works, you are WAY overreacting. Noone said ANYTHING about the severity of what happened.

Really, though, the best advice would be to see a psychologist of some sort (like a child psychologist, maybe). With something that severe, something that could potentially scar you in ways that could affect how you go about living your life (ie. not wanting to have sex), it's best to seek professional help. As much as the people here would love to help you, they really lack the skills that a professional has, and they really can't come close to being as effective as a professional would be at helping you to cope with what happened (or to at least understand everything that happened, why you did what you did, what you could or couldn't have done, etc).

Okay, YOU need to chill the ******** out. If you read what she wrote, she pointed out that when your writing is hard to read and a block of text, a lot of people won't bother to read it. I almost didn't when I looked at it because it's hard to get through writing like that.
She's not being insulting, she's saying that if you want people to read what you write, it needs to be easier FOR them to read, and therefore you'll get more responses and help that way.
If you're not aware, Nikolita is the owner of this guild as well. Calling her a low life and cussing at her isn't that smart. If I were in a position to do so, I would ban your a**. Try reading the whole post before you jump down someone's throat next time.

Anyway, to the OP. I'm sorry this has happened to you, and to the other people as well. My question is, why didn't you tell your parents? When you're that young, I know your first thought isn't to tell the police (which needs to be done, BTW), but why not your parents?
Why did you keep going to see him either? You kept putting yourself BACK in a bad position.

If this is still going on, you need to tell your parents NOW and have them contact the police. This is a serious problem, and the boy needs to be taken care of.

I know a lot of people are scared to say things like this happened to them, but honestly, if you tell someone, they're going to be mad at the BOY, not mad at you. Please tell someone so he can't do this to anyone else.

Seconded. heart

That's a moderator you just cussed out. o_____o