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 Posted: Sun Jul 25, 2004 11:55 pm
These are some poems that I have written. I am thinking about publishing when I get older but did not know if my stuff was good enough. Feedback is appreciated. Thanks! ~Karen~
Memories
Failing, falling
Grasping at air
The door slams shut
And people stare
A lonely girl
In the dark
Her mind holds
A permanent mark
The memories of horror
Of fear and of pain
Never to be forgotten
And to drive her insane...
Crashing
The world around me is fallen
My mouth opened
And now everyone knows my secrets
I am being punished
For a disease I have that I cannot control
That I have had for 4 years with no one noticing
And now they know
And I am paying for it dearly
No closed doors
No long pants
No going out
30 min on Internet
No locked bathrooms
Clean out room
No sharps
And the harsh words my mother said
Harsh accusations
Its all for attention
Stop pulling this crap
Stop manipulating everyone
And stop hurting me
Stop toying with the emotions of our family
Stop trying to hurt our family
I AM NOT!!!
I am trying so hard
I was trying to get control
But had to tell because it was falling apart
I was crashing down
And needed to ask for help
So I got up the courage
And walked into my counselor's office
And I regret it...
More than I ever have regretted anything before...
Because now I am crashing down further...
Open the door
Open the door to my thoughts
And run away in fear
With very little reason
My mind is black
And white
Dark
And light
Beautiful
And hideous
Soft
Yet harsh
The door is locked for a reason
Because no one should see through my eyes
I am not that heartless
And the truth in my thoughts
Is too horrifying
And the fear of life
Is too strong
And will cause suicide…
Love Me
Or the door will never open
And I will never be honest
With the angry madness inside me
That will never go away…
Obsessive Depression
Staring through the light
Trying to find the darkness
Craving the tears,
The tears of the past,
Tears of the pain,
Pain of everything,
Nighttime memories of madness
Of the starving hunger
And bloody mirrors
Of the screams and anger
And bruised fists
Without a second of thought
I drift back to depression
If only for a minute
The realization of sadness
Will release my present hardships
And make me see reality
In all it’s obsessive depressing truth…
Little Me
A child in me
Magical world
Believing that everything
Is because of her
Little me
Controls my mind
And makes me
Hate myself
Because I believe everything
That she thinks is my fault is true
And I am bleeding
And angry with fear
Because I never grew up inside
And the imagination of my inner child
Makes me hurt
Little me
She thinks that I start wars
And everytime someone is shot in the world
It is my fault
Because that is how wild her imagination is
And I believe too
Because she holds my hands in hers
While the edge of the mirror drags across my skin
And leaves truth
Covered in control
Hated by fear
And created by a little girl
That is me, little…and crying everyday…
Through my eyes I am gone
I see black
Redness in dark
Blood in tears
Hate in depression
Deep words
Indescribable feelings
What I write
What I feel
It does not compare
It never ends
Never even subsides enough
To give me a second of peace
Pink
The color of my hair
Black
The color of my mind
Red
The color of my thoughts
White
The color of my heart
Everything has a meaning
A knife is death
A smile is life
A rope is death
A hug is life
A bottle of aspirin is death
A kiss is life
A butterfly is fake beauty
But is also a glimpse of reality
To people like me.
To every else, it is hope
Beauty is comfort
Love is expression
To me, the word love means nothing
And everything
Like it is right and wrong
All at the same time
A confusion
A madness
Love is something I rarely feel
And something I always want
What I crave
And I hate cravings
Because there is no control
And here we are again
Desperate
And alone
Now it is out
Things are not better
But worse
Now I hate
I despise the lack of fear
Of hate
Of life
Of everything
I do not control
I love it all and hate it all
I cannot stand this
It is out of proportion
No balance or perception
Words don’t form sentences anymore
Only thoughts
Only I can understand now
No one else is here
In my head
In my hell
All gone
No more
Everything is gone
Nothing but me
And that is the scariest thing in the world
To be alone
To be in a dark room
Locked up with a crazy person
A person who does nothing but scream and cry
And she is me
Locked up
Waiting
But never released
Never ever gone
Everything fades
It doesn’t make sense
Why does everyone else get to be happy?
Why do they get parents who hold hands?
Why do they get relaxation?
Why can they understand themselves?
Why do they get smiles?
Why do they get hugs?
Why don’t their friends run away from them?
Why don’t they hurt themselves?
Why is it that they don’t have to be in pain everyday?
Why doesn’t their world fall apart?
Why mine
Why not theirs
It’s not fair
I hate this
I hate being me
I hate living in my house
I hate living at all
It’s pointless
Not worth it
Not worth anything
And no one understands
No one!
Open your eyes world
Because there is someone at your feet
Begging for love
Begging for attention
Begging to be held
And getting stepped on…
She is me.
Lost.
And this is me through my eyes…
Now do you understand?
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Posted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 2:08 am
So... much... angst... eek
Sorry, but I can't give you feedback on every single poem, but that's a bit too much for me. Oh well, here's what I think:
Good:
Your poems have different patterns and you have good spelling and grammar. The structure of the poems are good and at some points, it looks professional.
biggrin
Bad:
These poems are nothing new. All of your poems follow the same theme, angst. I don't think I'm the only one who's just sick and tired of angsty poems.
sweatdrop
Advice:
Try to write a poem about something completely else. It would make good practice and it would give a healthy variation to your poem collection.
3nodding
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Posted: Wed Jul 28, 2004 10:37 am
I like them and i am in no condition to rate them because i am no good with poems but i think you should go for getting it published when you want! Hey i'm not verry old at all but I am the only person in my family that has actualy finished writing a storie. And I'm more than ready to fix it up and see what people think. the only reason i write is that i realy enjoy reading and writing and i want kids to love my books as much as i love the harry potter books or the depford mice trilogy, the siriese of unfortunet events and Roald Dahls books and many others. just enjoy your self and when you like to write than you can write the finest pieces ever.
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Posted: Thu Jul 29, 2004 1:50 pm
I read them and they are pretty cool. I could visualize them pretty good. ^-^
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Posted: Thu Jul 29, 2004 2:05 pm
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Posted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 9:03 am
I really enjoyed all of your poems because they're a lot like some that I have written and I felt I could relate, I liked how you described things building up to one mental picture, and in each of these it was almost another chapter to a story that you havent yet finished. I would very much like to see more of these.
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Posted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 12:40 pm
All of your poems are really good, the spelling, punctuation and the general impression I get from your poems is of a high standard. The only criticism I would give is that they are all on the same theme, same ideas and I think you should vary your ideas. It would be more challenging but would broaden your skills.
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Posted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 2:48 pm
i really emjoyed them at first but i must agree they're all kinda the same. Good luck,
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