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[Posting] Two poems by yours truly..

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brooklyn radio

PostPosted: Mon Aug 14, 2006 9:09 am


First, I want to state the fact that poetry has never been my strong-point. Never has been, and more then likely, never will be.
However, in Physics class last year, I found myself writing some of these, because they were more interesting than listening to Mr. Knock babble on about rocket science.

So, let me know what you think if you'd like smile
I appreiciate constructive critisism, but don't flame.
I burn easily.



Untitled

It's hard to distiguish
Where the nightmare ends
and reality begins.
A smile hides the fangs
that are just waiting for the next victim.

But rather than tearing them
to shreds
You'll find their mind and soul
shattered.

Lying in the gutter
trying to come to grips
With what happened.



Untitled Pt 2

Today I watched
as my one and only hero
faded away into the dark unknown
I sat, I watched
I did nothing.

They took my hero
And the tall figure with the black hood
Made it so my hero would be gone
Forever.

The world attacks me
as if they were sent a memo that my
Sole source of protection
has been killed.


And for the rest of my eternity
When I look in the mirror
I see nothing.
PostPosted: Mon Aug 14, 2006 11:03 am


Ooo I really like the second one!
Makes me curious what/who you were thinking of!

sara-ane

Dapper Dabbler


Raven the Musician

PostPosted: Mon Aug 14, 2006 11:28 am


I agree with Sara-ane. Speaking as an analyst, your poetry there was interesting because I couldn't find a solid meter or rhyme scheme. Free verse is always the most interesting to read - and write. It's the least forced.

I enjoyed those poems! Keep it up, there's still room for improvement - but there always is. biggrin You're pretty good.
PostPosted: Thu Aug 17, 2006 4:19 pm


Yeah I agree with raven...free from rocks and its the most fun to read and write..keep working on it...there is always room to improve...hell i need to improve too...

Ryoichi Shiro


brooklyn radio

PostPosted: Thu Aug 17, 2006 4:31 pm


Heh.
Thanks for the comments. ^^
Free form = awesomearific.
Of course, there's ALWAYS room for improvement, and I hope that the more I write, the better I become smile

Ps. I shall never tell what I'm talking about in my poetry and such. I find, it's much more interesting to keep a reader guessing. smile
PostPosted: Thu Aug 17, 2006 4:46 pm


Im with ya there...I will never tell anyone who the subjects of my poems are...not even the person thier about...

Ryoichi Shiro


Ryoichi Shiro

PostPosted: Thu Aug 17, 2006 4:51 pm


oh and for the record...I posted a new poem
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Creative Corner - Post your Poems, Art, and Stories.

 
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