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Posted: Sun May 08, 2005 7:53 pm
So, a woman gets raped and then pregnant. Adoption is a perfectly viable option. However, the woman still has to endure nine months of pregnancy.
Think about it for a moment. The entire concept of rape goes as follows: something was put inside of you that you were powerless to remove. The resulting mental scarring (oh yes, there WILL be mental scarring) will focus on a complex based on control/power, due to the fact that when she was raped, the woman had none.
Now think about pregnancy. Inside that very same space is something alien, something the woman cannot control, something put there by the man who stole her power and self-esteem, that she is powerless to remove.
Imagine being raped for nine months solid. I know it's not the same thing, but in the ruins of the woman's mind, it might as well be. It could drive her rather permanently insane.
So what's more important? The life of a woman who's already grown and lived and loved and developed a full and rich personality, or the life of a wad of cells? Would you prefer that the cells die and the woman eventually recovers, or that the cells live and mature into a baby while the woman is so heavily mentally impacted that she will probably never recover?
I'd say it is far, far more important to preserve a life that already exists rather than ruin it, and create a new one. That's like saying that it's okay to chop down a 2000-year-old sequoia and plant a sapling in its place. Yes, that sapling might POTENTIALLY become a 2000-year-old giant ... but then again, it might not. And we've already got this beautiful tree.
And then you get the tricky dilemma of a woman who was raped or otherwise abused in the past, and still traumatized from the experience.
A common behavior pattern of a victim suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder induced by rape is to become promiscuous as a self-defense mechanism; she has "proof" that both she and her body are worthless, so therefore there's no harm to be had in having lots of sex. She sleeps around as a form of self-validation, attempting to support what little remains of her self-esteem but failing each time because she puts herself into a situaiton where she is only used. Since she is unable to form emotional connections, any time a benevolent partner might enter her life with the possibility of love, she ups and runs and tries again. It's a cycle that most never break out of. She repeats the pattern over and over, each time trying to make it work right and failing. For an example, in the movie "Forrest Gump," the history is inaccurate but the behavior patterns of the character Jenny, who was abused by her father, are a classic case.
It's very likely that a woman in such a pattern might become pregnant, since she'll often have so little regard for herself that protection seems unimportant. And so even though that particular sexual act was 'consensual,' she'll probably be just as unable to carry a baby as the aforementioned pregnancy-from-rape case, even if it's years later.
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Posted: Fri Apr 14, 2006 8:10 am
ReiDuck So, a woman gets raped and then pregnant. Adoption is a perfectly viable option. However, the woman still has to endure nine months of pregnancy. Think about it for a moment. The entire concept of rape goes as follows: something was put inside of you that you were powerless to remove. The resulting mental scarring (oh yes, there WILL be mental scarring) will focus on a complex based on control/power, due to the fact that when she was raped, the woman had none. I agree with you up until this point. ReiDuck Now think about pregnancy. Inside that very same space is something alien, something the woman cannot control, something put there by the man who stole her power and self-esteem, that she is powerless to remove. I disagree with your use of 'alien' to describe the fetus, who is human and not alien; it has human DNA and is a member of the species homo sapiens. It is not a foreign pathogen to the mother's body, either. The word 'alien' is dehumanizing. I also question your claims that the rapist robbed the woman of her self-esteem. Her self-esteem is her perception of herself, and that is something she determines; it is within her control and it her power to alter that self-image. She can have a negative or positive image of herself. ReiDuck Imagine being raped for nine months solid. I know it's not the same thing, but in the ruins of the woman's mind, it might as well be. It could drive her rather permanently insane. It is absolutely not the same. Being violently assaulted and raped for nine months is incomparable to the relatively passive burdens of pregnancy. ReiDuck So what's more important? The life of a woman who's already grown and lived and loved and developed a full and rich personality, or the life of a wad of cells? The "what's more important" argument is irrelevant because they are both lives. You yourself used the word "life" to describe both of them. Human life must be protected at any stage of development, at any stage of mental aptitude or "personality." (If not, you risk eliminating the newborns, the Down Syndrome, and the Mr. Darcys of the world.) ReiDuck Would you prefer that the cells die and the woman eventually recovers, or that the cells live and mature into a baby while the woman is so heavily mentally impacted that she will probably never recover? Here, I question the fact that the woman could only recover if her fetus was gone. Can you back up your claims? A pregnant rape victim can recover from the crime against her through counseling. Furthermore, women who choose to abort after the violence of rape can be traumatized even more. To quote Mary Worthington (New York): Mary Worthington It is the testimonies of women who choose abortion after rape or incest that speak volumes of the trauma that abortion brings to women.
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Posted: Fri Apr 14, 2006 8:11 am
eek Wow. Long post. Sorry, everyone, but here comes another! ReiDuck I'd say it is far, far more important to preserve a life that already exists rather than ruin it, and create a new one. The life has already been created; you yourself admitted earlier that it was a "life." ReiDuck That's like saying that it's okay to chop down a 2000-year-old sequoia and plant a sapling in its place. Yes, that sapling might POTENTIALLY become a 2000-year-old giant ... but then again, it might not. And we've already got this beautiful tree. Fallacious analogy. Your analogous adult dies for the child; the woman is not killed by going through pregnancy and delivering the baby. ReiDuck And then you get the tricky dilemma of a woman who was raped or otherwise abused in the past, and still traumatized from the experience. A common behavior pattern of a victim suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder induced by rape ...It's very likely that a woman in such a pattern might become pregnant, since she'll often have so little regard for herself that protection seems unimportant. And so even though that particular sexual act was 'consensual,' she'll probably be just as unable to carry a baby as the aforementioned pregnancy-from-rape case, even if it's years later. I'm not sure I understand the direction you are taking this argument... sweatdrop I'm also confused about why your hypothetical woman isn't seeking counseling, help from others, or even a shoulder to cry on! Any one of these would help her over the trauma, and she wouldn't have to resort to selling herself.
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Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 2:36 am
Diadema I also question your claims that the rapist robbed the woman of her self-esteem. Her self-esteem is her perception of herself, and that is something she determines; it is within her control and it her power to alter that self-image. She can have a negative or positive image of herself. Do not assume that you know how a female will feel after she has been raped. Just because you cannot see it from the outside. Assumptions are dangerous.Quote: A rape victim may be experiencing a variety of complex emotions including feelings of guilt, self-blame, confusion, low self-esteem, and fear. Source01Quote: Duke University Medical Center researchers have found that women who have beens victim of rape are almost twice as likely to suffer from post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) if they have a family history of depressive illness. [...] The disorder is characterized by such symptoms as sleep disorders, unwanted recurrent and disturbing memories, difficulty in concentrating, psychological numbness, and feelings of low self-esteem and self-worth. In severe cases, suicide and suicidal thoughts are possible, he said. Source02 Quote: Her feelings may include any or all of the following: fear and concern for her physical safety helplessness and powerlessness guilt embarassment worthlessness and low self-esteem isolation, alienation and withdrawal Source03 If you look for Rape Crisis Centers and Support Sites, you will find Low Self Esteem listed as one of the negative effects of rape.
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Posted: Mon May 01, 2006 10:21 am
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Fri Jun 30, 2006 2:33 pm
I had to comment on part of your entry:
So what's more important? The life of a woman who's already grown and lived and loved and developed a full and rich personality, or the life of a wad of cells? Would you prefer that the cells die and the woman eventually recovers, or that the cells live and mature into a baby while the woman is so heavily mentally impacted that she will probably never recover?
I'd say it is far, far more important to preserve a life that already exists rather than ruin it, and create a new one. That's like saying that it's okay to chop down a 2000-year-old sequoia and plant a sapling in its place. Yes, that sapling might POTENTIALLY become a 2000-year-old giant ... but then again, it might not. And we've already got this beautiful tree.
First of all that wad of cells is a human. It is an eating growing human. Sure the woman was raped and was scarred for life, but do you think she would want to destory the life of the human inside her. I doubt that she would.
Imagine if you bestfriend was conceived because his/her mother was raped. Imagine how scarred the mother would be. Imagine that instead of having the baby she had an abortion. You bestfriend wouldn't exist. You wouldn't know him/her.
Sure the person that raped the women has destroyed her life, but it isnt permenant. She has the chance to have a child and make sure that this wont happen to the baby. Her dreams might be crushed, but she has a second chance to make her dreams come true with her baby. The baby isn't a PUNISHMENT! The baby is the way to make everything better.
Why have an abortion? You then not only fill guilty of being raped, but you have the guilt of destroying a future as well.The baby could have grown up to be a cop or lawyer and been able to put rapist behind bars.
The woman being raped has nothing to do with a 2000-year-old sequoia. You're not choping her down and planting a sapling in her place, by letting her have the baby. The woman being raped is like 2000-year-old sequoia that is close to death, but then is given new life by giving of a sapling. The woman is dead in her spirit when raped. Having the baby gives her a new spirit, a better one. Instead of just being a victim, she gets to be a mom. A mom that can help her child out with her experience.
So is there an exception when a woman is raped? No there isn't.
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Posted: Fri Jun 30, 2006 2:49 pm
~cantlableme~ Sure the woman was raped and was scarred for life, but do you think she would want to destory the life of the human inside her. I doubt that she would. And, yet, some women not only would, they do. If a woman does want that, would you force her to do otherwise? When imagining how you'd feel if you were FORCED to have an abortion, can you imagine how another woman might feel if she were forced to bear a child? Because that's what we're talking about - compulsion.
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Posted: Mon Jul 03, 2006 4:43 pm
Quote: Tahpenes Wrote:And, yet, some women not only would, they do. If a woman does want that, would you force her to do otherwise? When imagining how you'd feel if you were FORCED to have an abortion, can you imagine how another woman might feel if she were forced to bear a child? Because that's what we're talking about - compulsion. The woman at first would probably feel mad and violated if she was forced. That part I'm not arguing. BUT, in the long run she would actually feel okay knowing that she gave a child life. Just because she has the baby doesn't mean that she can't give him/her up for adotion. In my opinion, you have the chance to save two lives instead of killing one, therefore why kill the baby. I don't think anyone should have an abortion.
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Posted: Thu Jul 20, 2006 12:05 pm
~cantlableme~ The woman at first would probably feel mad and violated if she was forced. That part I'm not arguing. BUT, in the long run she would actually feel okay knowing that she gave a child life. Just because she has the baby doesn't mean that she can't give him/her up for adotion. In my opinion, you have the chance to save two lives instead of killing one, therefore why kill the baby. I don't think anyone should have an abortion. Why will the woman feel okay, might I ask? Why will bringing the son/daughter of someone who took everything from her make everything okey dokey? I don't see where you are coming from at all with this, especially you're idea of 'saving two lives instead of killing one'. How will the woman's life be saved? ~cantlableme~ Sure the woman was raped and was scarred for life, but do you think she would want to destory the life of the human inside her. I doubt that she would. What is WRONG with you that makes you say something like that? How can you be so casual about something as harsh as rape? And on top of it all, what in your right mind makes you believe that (once more) this woman will be happy being forced to bring this child into the world, which was only conceived because she was FORCED to give herself up to a man. ~cantlableme~ Imagine if you bestfriend was conceived because his/her mother was raped. Imagine how scarred the mother would be. Imagine that instead of having the baby she had an abortion. You bestfriend wouldn't exist. You wouldn't know him/her. This is irrevelant. You need to stop using personal analogies, because the chances of them happening are slim, and not only that, but "what if" scenerios do not apply well to an argument. ~cantlableme~ Sure the person that raped the women has destroyed her life, but it isnt permenant. She has the chance to have a child and make sure that this wont happen to the baby. Her dreams might be crushed, but she has a second chance to make her dreams come true with her baby. The baby isn't a PUNISHMENT! The baby is the way to make everything better. Once more, your choice of words disgusts me. 'Sure, the woman's life was destroyed'. Your casual approach to the topic of rape has no place in this discussion, since you obviouly have no idea what you're talking about. If this woman's life is destroyed, as even you put it, not only will she need time to come to grips with the situation, but then she will need to rebuild everything she had before the incident. And why not just throw a child in there, the fruit growing inside of her with the blood flowing through it of the one who desroyed her life. ~cantlableme~ Why have an abortion? You then not only fill guilty of being raped, but you have the guilt of destroying a future as well.The baby could have grown up to be a cop or lawyer and been able to put rapist behind bars. Excuse me? Feel guilty about being raped? You're right, to an extent. Most rape cases involve the woman feeling as if it was her fault that the situation ever happened, but for you to use that as an excuse as to why she shouldn't have an abortion is absurd. Truly. You have no idea what is going through that woman's head, what she feels, the trauma and memories she must cope with for the rest of her life. Why does she need yet another burden? Yes, a BURDEN - not a blessing. ~cantlableme~ The woman being raped has nothing to do with a 2000-year-old sequoia. You're not choping her down and planting a sapling in her place, by letting her have the baby. The woman being raped is like 2000-year-old sequoia that is close to death, but then is given new life by giving of a sapling. The woman is dead in her spirit when raped. Having the baby gives her a new spirit, a better one. Instead of just being a victim, she gets to be a mom. A mom that can help her child out with her experience. It actually is a very good analogy, had you the ability the open your eyes and look at the whole picture. This is not comparing a tree to a woman who is simply having a baby. It is comparing the murder of a grown, mature, and beautiful life who was only destroyed because of the young that may possibly grow to be just as great. When a woman is raped, she often loses most self-respect, is deeply traumatized, has little confidence, and deals with many other pains. This is, in essence, chopping her down. And by forcing her to have a child after all she has gone through, it is more than likely that this will completely destroy her. ~cantlableme~ So is there an exception when a woman is raped? No there isn't. Why is it okay for something like this to happen to a woman, and then the case is followed up by yet another prevention of choice for her? There is no definite as to what a woman will feel after she is raped, nor is there as to what would happen if she was impregnated because of it. That is WHY abortion in the case of rape should be allowed, as well as abortion is general. To murder possible babies? No, but to give every woman and their partner a choice as to what they want, and what they will do with their future. It is not just a baby's life involved, it is also the life (lives) of everyone around it. I really don't feel the need to justify my point any further. You are wrong.
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Posted: Thu Jul 20, 2006 9:05 pm
Sypherengel wrote: Quote: What is WRONG with you that makes you say something like that? How can you be so casual about something as harsh as rape? And on top of it all, what in your right mind makes you believe that (once more) this woman will be happy being forced to bring this child into the world, which was only conceived because she was FORCED to give herself up to a man. Forgive me if you don't like the way I speak about the topic. The reason why I say it so CASUALLY. Is I'm used to this sort of topic... Why can I be casual about rape?? My cousin was raped and killed. My friend was raped and she had to choose abortion or adoption. (She chose adoption) A girl that went to school with me and moved a year back, had an abortion and now regrets it. She has to be counseled for a couple of months. My friend who chose adoption was actually really happy. She was happy beacause she felt like she "owed" the baby something. That she "owed" him a better life. She was scarred because she was raped, but like I said before she saw him as a second chance or life. Sypherengel wroteQuote: This is irrevelant. You need to stop using personal analogies, because the chances of them happening are slim, and not only that, but "what if" scenerios do not apply well to an argument Actually there isn't a SLIM chance of it happening. I went to a youth conference and they spoke about abortion. The speaker asked, " Who here knows someone that was conceived my rape?" Many people (500 people in conferents about 1/4 of them rose their hands) including myself raised our hands. If you actually opened your eyes you could see that some were conceived that way. "What if" scenarios actually do applay well because they are EXAMPLES. They give you a picture (scenerio) in your head and make you think. Most people do use this. If you haven't noticed many people use those scenerios aften no a days. I do know what I am talking about. I live in a place where abortoin is an open subject. Where many people and my friend have faced something with abortion. Just because you think that maybe I'm not approaching the argument in the right way doesn't mean that what I'm saying has an obvious point. One question do you have any personal experience with this?? I really would like to know. Personal experiences are better then facts in a book. You understand it more if you see or know the story or your family and friend forced to get abortion, raped, killed, sucide, and anything like that. Sypherengel wroteQuote: It is not just a baby's life involved, it is also the life (lives) of everyone around it. One question: Do you mean that just to make your life better, you would kill and destroy the future of another. Just like you said its not's just one life its more, but you should care for the baby's right also. Its not just YOUR LIFE, its the BABY'S LIFE TOO!
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Posted: Fri Jul 21, 2006 11:11 am
TEXT Quote: Forgive me if you don't like the way I speak about the topic. The reason why I say it so CASUALLY. Is I'm used to this sort of topic... Why can I be casual about rape?? My cousin was raped and killed. My friend was raped and she had to choose abortion or adoption. (She chose adoption) A girl that went to school with me and moved a year back, had an abortion and now regrets it. She has to be counseled for a couple of months. My friend who chose adoption was actually really happy. She was happy beacause she felt like she "owed" the baby something. That she "owed" him a better life. She was scarred because she was raped, but like I said before she saw him as a second chance or life. Now I remember what I originally thought...In your post, you mentioned something along the lines of 'She'd be happy to have the child so that she could prevent the same thing happening to her.' How is it a preventable situation? Sure, if you're a girl, you could *not* walk around Harlem at night, or *not* prance around provocatively, but most cases aren't like that. In most situations, it just happens, so I don't see how great a length the mother could take to prevent her child from being raped. Quote: "What if" scenarios actually do applay well because they are EXAMPLES. They give you a picture (scenerio) in your head and make you think. Most people do use this. If you haven't noticed many people use those scenerios aften no a days. You know what would be funny? What if they took a bunch of chimpanzees, dressed half of them in space suits, the other half as ballerinas and made them form an army against terrorism. Quote: One question do you have any personal experience with this?? I have extremely personal experience in the topic of rape, more than you'll ever know, and I'd like to leave the statement at that if you don't mind. Quote: Do you mean that just to make your life better, you would kill and destroy the future of another. Just like you said its not's just one life its more, but you should care for the baby's right also. Its not just YOUR LIFE, its the BABY'S LIFE TOO I am well aware of this fact, and understand it. However, you don't seem to understand both sides like I do. The way you make your position out to be comes across as if you care ONLY for the baby's life, and not for the mother's as well. One more thing I'd like to mention, if you are so close to the topic of rape, how is it that it is a casual thing for you? Does it not make you feel more strongly towards the situation, rather than just brush it off?
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Posted: Tue Jul 25, 2006 11:10 am
Quote: Now I remember what I originally thought...In your post, you mentioned something along the lines of 'She'd be happy to have the child so that she could prevent the same thing happening to her.' How is it a preventable situation? Sure, if you're a girl, you could *not* walk around Harlem at night, or *not* prance around provocatively, but most cases aren't like that. In most situations, it just happens, so I don't see how great a length the mother could take to prevent her child from being raped. Ok I agree with you on the fact that no situation is really preventable... some ight just happen. What I meant is that the mother can give her two cents that MAYBE she didn't receive as a child, you know? Quote: You know what would be funny? What if they took a bunch of chimpanzees, dressed half of them in space suits, the other half as ballerinas and made them form an army against terrorism. Now like I said before What If scenarios are good when used well. Your What If scenario example is ridiculous because I didn't uses in that form. So, it doesn't really mock how I used it. Quote: I have extremely personal experience in the topic of rape, more than you'll ever know, and I'd like to leave the statement at that if you don't mind. I respect your past and your privacy so I wont speak of it mush or anything. I understand even if you don't belive that I do. I do understand. Quote: I am well aware of this fact, and understand it. However, you don't seem to understand both sides like I do. The way you make your position out to be comes across as if you care ONLY for the baby's life, and not for the mother's as well. I understand both sides... I just feel that most people only see the mom's side and doesn't give the baby's life a chance. Beacue if they did then we wouldn't be discussing it, would we? Quote: One more thing I'd like to mention, if you are so close to the topic of rape, how is it that it is a casual thing for you? Does it not make you feel more strongly towards the situation, rather than just brush it off? I don't brush it off.... If it seems that I do forgive me. To me its casual because of where I grew up and where I live. My friends and I know about rape... the thing is since when we told our "story" no one believed us so... It's casual thing... We would love to see it in a stronger way but... our town wont... If you know what I mean...
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Posted: Wed Jul 26, 2006 10:19 am
Quote: Ok I agree with you on the fact that no situation is really preventable... some ight just happen. What I meant is that the mother can give her two cents that MAYBE she didn't receive as a child, you know? I see where you are coming from, but how much can you tell a girl to avoid her being abused? 'Don't trust men.' 'Don't walk around at night' 'Don't...go outside, or leave your doors unlocked, and be alone inside of your fortress you've created...' Quote: I understand both sides... I just feel that most people only see the mom's side and doesn't give the baby's life a chance. Beacue if they did then we wouldn't be discussing it, would we? Actually, I feel it's definately the other way around. Most people tend to solely see an abortion as 'murder' and do not take the time to think that this baby may NOT cure cancer, or be an olympist. I don't understand why why Pro-Lifers (no offense) constantly state things such as: "You don't know what that child could have done. They could have stopped global warming!" Yes...it *could* have, but chances are, it won't. I also don't see many people other than the constants belonging to Pro-Choice groups standing up and saying things like "That baby could have killed the mother, in more ways than one." Sure, I understand that the chances of it hurting a woman are almost as slim (but not quite stare ) as it winning the gold medal, but if she's considering an abortion, there's uaully a good reason. That's why we believe in CHOICE. Pro-CHOICE, not Pro-Abortion. We don't try to push abortion on people, we simply believe that everyone has a right to choose what they want to do with their life (and, I understand what you'll probably respond with, "The baby didn't choose what they got to do with their life! scream ", but you know what? Too damn bad for the clod of cells. It's leeching off of a woman who doesn't want it, and it's damn better that she remove it now, rather than dump t in a trash can when she has it because it's costing her too much money, grief, relationship issues, and halting her life.) Quote: I don't brush it off.... If it seems that I do forgive me. To me its casual because of where I grew up and where I live. My friends and I know about rape... the thing is since when we told our "story" no one believed us so... It's casual thing... We would love to see it in a stronger way but... our town wont... If you know what I mean... I understand things like this as well... Over the past two years, my school district has been in the papers about 10 times...For academic achievement? Not quite. For things like containing the '5th most violent school in NY', and for 'wars' between groups, scandals, etc. I get a Sex Offender notice in my mailbox every three days. Sure, they take the time to send them, but my general area doesn't really care about things like rape, molestation, and any kind of abuse in general. It's just a normal thing here, and I think that's sad.
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Posted: Sat Jul 29, 2006 6:27 am
~cantlableme~ First of all that wad of cells is a human. It is an eating growing human. Lets not drag this dead horse out again, poor thing. It is human tissue, it is by no means a human bieng. It is as human as cells I spat out in the sink this morning after a vigourous brush. And not to get on the band wagon here but... Quote: Sure the woman was raped and was scarred for life, but do you think she would want to destory the life of the human inside her. I doubt that she would. Clearly many do want to kill the embryo/fetus inside them, and do, and feel much relief afterwards. Quote: Imagine if you bestfriend was conceived because his/her mother was raped. Imagine how scarred the mother would be. Imagine that instead of having the baby she had an abortion. You bestfriend wouldn't exist. You wouldn't know him/her. Are you keeping these dead horses in a stable or something? If my best friend *pokes her pet idiot* didn't exists then what would all the fuss be about? I didn't know her. Myabe 25 years ago a woman was raped, and she did abort, and that might have been my best friend in the future, but never existed so insint. oh no! I shall go curl up in bed and cry because a non existent being never existed and could not become my best friend... if I beleived the future was preordained, and if I did then I would beleive that the abortion was pre ordained so it doesn't matter either way; that person never did exist and never was going to have existed... Get it? Quote: Sure the person that raped the women has destroyed her life, but it isnt permenant. A child is for life, not just for Christmas... Quote: She has the chance to have a child and make sure that this wont happen to the baby. Chance? What chance? I don't want the chance to have a baby, especially if it was forced into me and out of me. Quote: Her dreams might be crushed, So, it's okay to crush them some more is it? it doesn't matter about her life anymore, it was over the moment she was raped. Quote: but she has a second chance to make her dreams come true with her baby. What? Quote: The baby isn't a PUNISHMENT! The baby is the way to make everything better. Says you. She might not see it that way. Why can't you understand that she should be given the choice now because she wasn't given one by the rapist. Quote: Why have an abortion? You then not only fill guilty of being raped There is NO guilt or shame in being raped. Quote: but you have the guilt of destroying a future as well. Only if certain people try to put a guilty kind of spin on the matter. And again... you believe the future is pre-ordained? If you do then you beleive that the abortion is pre-ordained and... well you get my point. Quote: The baby could have grown up to be a cop or lawyer and been able to put rapist behind bars. stare PRE-ORDAINMENT?? It could also have grown up to be a rapist! Quote: woman is dead in her spirit when raped. Having the baby gives her a new spirit, a better one. Says you. She might not feel that way. A better one? Oh marvelous. She's just been raped and you're telling her that the man's child is better than her... Quote: Instead of just being a victim, she gets to be a mom. A mom that can help her child out with her experience. And what if she doesn't want to be a mother? What if she wants to be a survivor and not a mother? Why does she have to be a mother to get through these things?
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Posted: Sat Jul 29, 2006 10:09 am
Those who have not experienced being raped can not even begin to imagine the emotional pain and terror that those who have go through. Whenever I hear people say things like "People who get raped shouldn't have abortions because it's not the baby's fault" I just want to scream. People that say this kind of thing don't even seem to be thinking about the girl who got raped.
When I was fifteen years old I hung out with a group of friends that ranged in age from 15 to 25. I started hanging out with a guy who was about 22 at the time. What was supposed to just be a friendship turned into a controlling physically abusive pseudo-romance. This guy was popular and had a lot of social power in my group of friends, and being fifteen I was terribly afraid of social rejection. For about nine months this guy manipulated me, using guilt and threats of violence to control me. I had never had a sexual relationship or even a romantic relationship before, so I was very uncomfortable with his sexual advances but if I refused to give him what he wanted he became physically violent. For nine months I managed to dodge "going all the way", but got a lot of bruises in the process. I guess he finally got tired of not getting his way, because eventually he found a way to get me completely isolated and in a place where I could not escape for cry for help and then he raped me. Afterwards I was in complete shock. For a long time I couldn't even comprehend what had happened. In my mind rape was something that happened when strangers attacked you in the night, not something that someone who was supposed to be your friend would do. I felt that because I had not fought back enough that it couldn't be rape, and that it was my fault. I was so scared and I felt so guilty that I didn't tell anyone about what happened. Even if I had told anyone, I would never have been able to get him convicted. I had no evidence. He had actually forced me to bathe and get rid of any physical evidence before he would let me leave. To avoid him and anyone who might ask questions I isolated myself from everyone. For over two months I lived with the terror and fear that I might be pregnant. I was throwing up nearly every day and had many of the other early symptoms of pregnancy. I even missed several periods. Just thinking about the possibility that there was something growing inside of me that he had put there would make me throw up. As the initially shock began to wear off I finally got up the courage to go to my doctor. I still couldn't comprehend the reality of what had happened, so I did not tell my doctor that I had been raped. I just told him that I had had sex and that I needed birth control. I had no intentions of having sex, but I wanted birth control because I was afraid I would be raped again. It was only then that I found out I wasn't pregnant. All the symptoms that had looked like signs of pregnancy were actually just reactions to the stress and trauma. I only lived with the fear of being pregnant for two months and that was enough to make me suicidal. I know that if I had been forced to live with the knowledge of being pregnant by him for nine months I would have taken my own life. To me that thing growing inside of me would have been nothing more than a monster reminding me every day of what he had done and how pathetic and worthless I was.
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