...then maybe I can help you out. I found this collecting dust in my Word Documents folder and thought some of you might like it. I should note that it is completely and utterly random, probably spouted off in a haze of I-don't-know-what. If that ain't your thing then you might not enjoy this. That said, here you go.
…eventually Japan became a giant mall owned by the Neo-Akkadian nobility. Everyone would shop there, from Tom Selleck to James Brown to that Spanish guy from TV. But then, the Worldking, William Shatner, succumbed to one of the millions of STDs he had acquired during his formative years. The world polarized between two factions: the No-Gooders, led by a man calling himself 'Snidley Whiplash' and the Superdudes, led by the enigmatic and very fat Teriyaki Samurai. They fought for 80,000 fortnights for control of the capitol of the world in Sweden, Europe. Eventually, the Human Boomerang threw himself at a giant cow demon summoned by the evil Whiplash, allowing Teriyaki Samurai and the Annelid of Doom to strike the final blow against the curly-mustached villain. In the end, all people from Oklahoma were euthanized and Hector Chavez, an employee of a Whataburger in San Jose, California, became the new Worldking, renaming himself Shatner the Fifth. And an alliance of robots, aliens, demons, and gangsta cultists destroyed Mars. So, that's how the West was won. Any questions?
[Brief Interlude for Q&A Session]
Well then, I suppose we move on to the next topic...the life and times of Ronald Reagan. It all started when the Wright Brothers flew to Montana. There, they met an ambiguously gay Frenchman named Lov Zeboutee. He offered them a magic lightbulb in exchange for a complete DVD set of the first season of 'Queer As Folk'. This lightbulb had the power to create a time warp inside the mouth of a cow. The brothers jumped at the chance, and made the trade. Now, however, they had to find the one cow in which the lightbulb could create a time warp. They searched far and wide, from the Denny's four blocks down the street from Ray's house to the rice patties of Vietnam. But they found no cow. Perhaps this was because the cow had gone extinct due to the Bovine Eunuch Movement. So, they went to the only man they could go to in such a situation...Joseph Stalin. The brothers told Stalin their plight. Stalin's reply was, "I use cow for...bedroom activity. You take." And so, the brothers had their cow. Now, they needed to find the only man who still possessed the talent to screw in a lightbulb. This man was, of course, Dom DeLouise. Again, they searched from Denny's to Vietnam, and again, they found nothing. Even Stalin could not help them, for the Soviet Union had collapsed, thanks to a man named...RONALD REAGAN. The end.
For the record, no, I do not consume mind-altering substances and I *was not* suffering from any of the following at the time this document was created: concussion, diarrhea, Lou Gehrig's disease, sickle-cell anemia, CGS (Constant Guffawing Syndrome), chicken pox, Anti-Okie From Muskogee Syndrome (I have nothing against individuals originating from Oklahoma...Muskogee, Oklahoma at least. The rest of you yokels can keep eating from your Dust Bowls and such xp ), advanced testicular leprosy, and especially not athelete's foot. I will, however, admit that my mind had not yet satisfied its inborn desire for the consumption of pancakes. That always leaves me kinda weird.
(P.S.: I seriously considered that this was likely more appropriate for the Chatterbox thread. However, whereas the Chatterbox thread, in my opinion, is for the purpose of posting nonsensical garbage with the purpose of earning gold; I am posting nonsensical garbage with the purpose of making people LTAO. If anyone else would like to post something with comedic value, I'd have no problem with it. Perhaps we could even dedicate this thread to such a purpose, but right now I have no intentions of doing that. I've simply created this thread to share something I created which I found to be most hilarious in nature. Thanks, and hope you enjoyed.)
