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 Posted: Mon Jul 31, 2006 9:57 pm
Alright... I have a DA account that I put it on... but... I posted it really late at night... and no one was really on... and I got like... 2 comments on it... but they both liked it, so I'm hoping you will too... Just take the time to read it please... thats all I ask... But I would hope you would tell me what I needed to improve on and what you thought aswell...
~Dreams don't come true..~ The wind seemed to whisper, and at the same time it started to rain... She stood in the middle of a field... It was fall, and cold, the flowers that had once been there all died when fall had started... She stared up at the clouded sky... ~They just hurt in the end when nothing happens~ The wind whispered again. Her hair was Red, layered and straight. falling just to her shoulders... her long sleeved shirt was ripped at the shoulder on one side and the seam was ripped out all the way to the shoulder on the other arm. She didn't care that it was raining... She didn't care she was alone... and she didn't care that it was cold. She seemed numb, unable to move, to blink away, to stop staring at the clouded gray sky. Slowly tears rolled down her cheeks... ~Everything hurts doesn't it?~ She Nodded unconciously, not seeming to notice how the "Wind" Was actually speaking to her... ~Your too young for everything to hurt darling...~ She tore her eyes from the sky, the fact that something was actually talking to her getting through to her head, she turned, her eyes widening as she saw the other. She began to back up, but the other began to speak again... "I shouldn't of stayed behind you with no trace that there was a real person talking to you instead of your mind..." The other smiled slightly, outstretching her hand and taking hers. "Darling, theres a whole world out there, A World that's unknown to you, but familiar at the same time... a world where the dreamers can dream without hurting themselves in the end... It's the same world as this... you just need to learn not to depend on dreams..." The other said, and she stared at her in silence, taking in every detail. She was pale, paler than her, and she had Black hair. Her eyes were pretty, a nice shade of blue that shimmered like Sapphires. "I'm afraid you'll have to excuse me..." The other said after a moment of not getting an answer... "My Name is Elaine"
"Elaine..." She repeated quietly, looking up at Elaine... "How would you know anything about me... In fact... what all DO you know about me?" she asked, tilting her head slightly before shivering slightly, realizing she was standing in the rain... She hadn't cared before... but now it made her cold. Elaine took her hand...
"Come... Your cold... Lets go somewhere warm so that I can Explain..." She nodded, Letting Elaine lead her away from the field and to the shelter of the trees for awhile before stopping at the edge of the other side of the woods, right next to the edge was a small cottage and Elaine lead her into the first room. It seemed like a living room, with a fireplace's welcoming warmth on the other side of the room... Since it hadn't rained both were just damp, so Elaine lead her next to the fire... "Your name... Is Rayne" She said matter of factly, and Rayne nodded, pulling her feet up with her in the chair Elaine had chosen for her. "You were born 19 years ago exactly... and today is your birthday, but no one remembered... just like always..." Rayne's eyes widened once more, and she stared at Elaine, wondering how she knew so much about her, but didn't say anything, figuring Elaine would Explain herself further into the conversation. "You used to be in a very poor family, but your mother died and you were adopted by a wealthy man who only wanted to use you..." Rayne looked away from Elaine to the fire, tears welling up in her eyes. Elaine had never sat, but now she knelt down next to Rayne, Wiping away the tears that had started rolling down her face with her thumb. "Don't cry Darling... Just listen... Listen to your past, try to understand all of it.. and then listen to why I know all of it..." Elaine lifted Rayne's chin, making Rayne look at her... She smiled rubbing her cheek with her thumb before letting her hand drop and she turned looking up at the Ceiling and continuing. "For years you lived with that man, he abused because you wouldn't give him what he wanted, and after awhile he forced you to work with the maids, calling you a Lazy stubborn b***h... you weren't, and arn't Lazy, or a b***h... you worked hard, only to be rewarded by more beatings... and you were only a b***h because you wouldn't submit to giving him what he wanted, and he hated you for it."
Elaine paused, passing behind Rayne's chair... "You were strong Rayne... You never submitted to him, after all the beatings he gave you... all the scars..." She stopped, glancing at Rayne for a moment before her eyes dropped to Rayne's wrists, which were cut, not by a blade, but by rope. Rayne caught her glance and pulled her sleeves over her wrists and she looked down at her lap. Elaine stopped looking at her and back up at the Ceiling... "Rayne... The point is that you ran away yesterday... but you have no food, no shelter, no way of providing for yourself the things you need... because that man will always chase after you... He's always lied about your age... you know that... he's told everyone your 15... so that when anyone see's you they'll return you to him... because you technically can't be out of his grasp yet... because you would of needed to be 18... You need to leave this area all together, put as much distance in between you and him as possible, forget all that he's done... and start your life all over again..." She stopped again, She was finished talking, and as she stood in front of Rayne, and before the fire her form was shadowed.
Rayne slowly raised her eyes, but as she raised them she stopped... Something was different about Elaine... After a moment she looked completely up and Elaine turned, her black hair fell over her shoulders as she leaned down and she kissed Rayne's cheek softly, but Rayne couldn't take her eyes off the big white snowy wings that were on her back... "Happy Birthday Rayne..." She whispered softly before Rayne's world went black...
Rayne awoke, Confused, She laid in the Field she had been in before, the day was cool, but with the sun shining down on her she was warm... "Elaine?" Rayne whispered, sitting up and looking around... Elaine was no where to be seen... Was it a dream? No... It couldn't of been. Slowly and shakily Rayne stood, turning and going through the forest, intent on going to the Cottage Elaine had lead her to... but when she reached the spot she found just ruins of a house, of a cottage... Slowly Rayne went to where the door would be... It was the only room that was somewhat intact... and as she entered the room she stopped... There, next to the fireplace, where she had last seen Elaine with her wings, was a grave...
Elaine Banks
Died at the age of 20.
Survived by her only 5 year old daughter, Rayne Banks.
Preceded in death by her parents and her husband.
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Posted: Thu Aug 03, 2006 6:13 am
i did like it. its well thought out and well written. however there are a few problem spots with grammer and caps. like here" figuring Elain would Explain herself" using a cap for Explain would be fine if you were making an emphasis on the word like in the sentence," what all Do you know about me?""She nodded, Letting Elaine lead her" here Letting shouldn't be caped since you have the coma. "Rayne awoke, Confused, She laid in the Field she had been in before" confused and field don't need to have caps either. "She was pale, paler than her, and she had Black hair." In this sentence you should differentiate between the two women better. it can be hard to figure out who is who. other than that it was well written, and i liked it. write more, i'm curious about what will happen to Rayne.
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Posted: Sun Aug 06, 2006 11:50 am
it's so sad but i really like it 3nodding
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Posted: Mon Aug 07, 2006 7:05 pm
Amazing writing. I love it! So what is your deviantart account? I'd like to see more from you. 3nodding
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Posted: Fri Oct 06, 2006 11:18 pm
vampireXlover i did like it. its well thought out and well written. however there are a few problem spots with grammer and caps. like here" figuring Elain would Explain herself" using a cap for Explain would be fine if you were making an emphasis on the word like in the sentence," what all Do you know about me?""She nodded, Letting Elaine lead her" here Letting shouldn't be caped since you have the coma. "Rayne awoke, Confused, She laid in the Field she had been in before" confused and field don't need to have caps either. "She was pale, paler than her, and she had Black hair." In this sentence you should differentiate between the two women better. it can be hard to figure out who is who. other than that it was well written, and i liked it. write more, i'm curious about what will happen to Rayne. Lol... *Hugs* See... I Cap.... Just about everything... lol xD Sorry...
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Posted: Fri Oct 06, 2006 11:20 pm
pag(xena) it's so sad but i really like it 3nodding Thank you Sooo Much!! *hugs*
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Posted: Fri Oct 06, 2006 11:21 pm
Jagada Amazing writing. I love it! So what is your deviantart account? I'd like to see more from you. 3nodding *Hugs!* Muaha You get an extra big one because you just made my day ^.^; I don't have much writing on my DA... More Pictures than anything, but if your still intrested... xD XMauriceX
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Posted: Sun Nov 26, 2006 1:36 pm
This piece is really great. I'd love to see more from you!! whee
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