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 Posted: Sun Jul 30, 2006 8:57 am
It's a little too late now for second thoughts...
Now, when I say second thoughts, its not about the pregnancy at all. I'm thrilled by the fact that I've got a baby on the way, I can't wait for her to be born and be able to hold her in my arms. I wouldn't give this up for the world.
But recently I've been having these concerns that perhaps I'm not ready for motherhood, I'm scared I won't be a good parent, I mean, my parents were hardly the best rolemodels for childrearing, and I don't want to have my child grow up to hate me as I hated my parents throughout my childhood and early teens.
Are such concerns and fears normal? I've never had any real experience with newborns, or infants, other then holding and playing with my friend's babies, but that was different cause when they started to cry, or needed a changing, I'd hand them back off to Mommy and not have to worry about it.
Anyone with any thoughts or suggestions on how I can ease my anxiety?
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Posted: Sun Jul 30, 2006 10:15 am
I know how you feel, in fact, I think all mothers do.If you're worried, you can always talk to a health visitor or midwife about parenting classes, they might help. I never had any parenting classes and had about the same amount of experience as you have had. Mothers' instinct will kick in, and you'll be fine. And don't forget to get help from everyone you can.
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Posted: Sun Aug 06, 2006 7:46 pm
~KaeleersHeart~ It's a little too late now for second thoughts...
Now, when I say second thoughts, its not about the pregnancy at all. I'm thrilled by the fact that I've got a baby on the way, I can't wait for her to be born and be able to hold her in my arms. I wouldn't give this up for the world.
But recently I've been having these concerns that perhaps I'm not ready for motherhood, I'm scared I won't be a good parent, I mean, my parents were hardly the best rolemodels for childrearing, and I don't want to have my child grow up to hate me as I hated my parents throughout my childhood and early teens.
Are such concerns and fears normal? I've never had any real experience with newborns, or infants, other then holding and playing with my friend's babies, but that was different cause when they started to cry, or needed a changing, I'd hand them back off to Mommy and not have to worry about it.
Anyone with any thoughts or suggestions on how I can ease my anxiety? *curiously asks* Where is the father in this? Does he play a role, because perhaps you and he should have a serious talk about how you are feeling.
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Posted: Mon Aug 07, 2006 4:00 pm
He's living with me and just as thrilled if not more-so then I am to be a parent. We can't go out anywhere without him glowing like a kid with a new toy. "The Belly" as I've become known as, is his pride and joy, and what a huge weight off my chest it is to know I've got someone like him to support me. I've talked about my feelings with him... all he says is "If you're worried about it, then you'll make a wonderful mom."
Which kinda makes sense, cause most 'horrible' parents don't care what their doing or how they're doing things wrong, but it's still nerve-wracking at times... I don't know what I'm doing... Infants are a whole new thing to me, I was too young to be much help when my sister was an infant, and I avoided them growing up, as screaming babies had no entertainment value to a pre-teen who still would rather beat up the boys then contemplate boys being cute. And at 19, while I'm technically an adult, I still don't have the life experiences as someone, 3 years older might, which would make them more suitable as a parent then myself. But then, my best friend had her daughter at 17 and is an excelent mother, or so I've seen.
I guess I just won't know untill she gets here, huh?
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Posted: Wed Aug 09, 2006 1:46 am
I felt exactly the same way. I had been brought up by my mum, as my dad had scarpered when he knew she was pregnant with me. The only full male rolemodel I had was my grandad, and I love him to bits. My mum did her best, and that was good enough.
I think every woman goes through these feelings, either every so often or all the way through. I know I did. I had thoughts like 'will I be a good mum?' and 'Can I really take care of this baby?' One thought that even ran through my mind was 'What if I had to do it alone?' In honest truth I even felt that way AFTER I gave birth to Kyra. For about the first six months, I had to do it pretty much alone. Rich lived about an hours drive from me, my mum was a short busride from me so I had her when I really needed her, but besides that, I was alone. It was tough, bringing up kids is in any situation.
The only thing you can do is do your best, make sure your child has what they need, and NEVER think that what you're doing is wrong. As one of the main guild pages of a Parents guild I'm in says, 'There is no right or wrong way to parent'. Love your child, give them everything they need, and always let them know that you're there and always will be.
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Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2006 6:19 pm
I've definitely had those feelings.
I've also had feelings of hatred, suicide, wanting to kill him, wanting to hurt him...
I had a bout of PPD.
And even now, there are moments when I'll go "Why didn't I just put you up for adoption?"
I love my child to death and I couldn't see myself without him, he seriously completes me... I'm just immature. Here I am, 20 years old, I dont deserve my son at all.
He deserves someone better.
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Posted: Tue Aug 29, 2006 10:46 am
Vehicular Cancer
I've definitely had those feelings.
I've also had feelings of hatred, suicide, wanting to kill him, wanting to hurt him...
I had a bout of PPD.
And even now, there are moments when I'll go "Why didn't I just put you up for adoption?"
I love my child to death and I couldn't see myself without him, he seriously completes me... I'm just immature. Here I am, 20 years old, I dont deserve my son at all.
He deserves someone better.
You love your son, yes? You take care of him, yes? He's not unhappy, yes? (Or maybe he is when he's not getting his own way, like any child) You deserve your son as much as anyone deserves their child, immature or not 3nodding And a bit of immaturity helps with playing with your child; you can be just like them biggrin
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Posted: Tue Aug 29, 2006 12:47 pm
Kyra_uk Vehicular Cancer
I've definitely had those feelings.
I've also had feelings of hatred, suicide, wanting to kill him, wanting to hurt him...
I had a bout of PPD.
And even now, there are moments when I'll go "Why didn't I just put you up for adoption?"
I love my child to death and I couldn't see myself without him, he seriously completes me... I'm just immature. Here I am, 20 years old, I dont deserve my son at all.
He deserves someone better.
You love your son, yes? You take care of him, yes? He's not unhappy, yes? (Or maybe he is when he's not getting his own way, like any child) You deserve your son as much as anyone deserves their child, immature or not 3nodding And a bit of immaturity helps with playing with your child; you can be just like them biggrin
I feel like he isnt' happy with me, though.
I know everything will turn around once I'm on my own and we'll finally be a family. Right now, it feels like my parents are raising him because I work all day, I get home, I'm exhausted and I dont really want to play with him.
I just feel like a bad mom most of the time.
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Posted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 11:36 pm
I felt/feel the same way. Like what if Im not a good enough Dad? What if I cant provide for my gf and my twins that are on the way. It's very nerve racking...
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Posted: Wed Jan 17, 2007 7:49 pm
Well, I'm happy to say I've fallen into this mommy role with the greatest of ease... Though I wish her father was arround more often for her.
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Posted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 4:25 am
Vehicular Cancer Kyra_uk Vehicular Cancer
I've definitely had those feelings.
I've also had feelings of hatred, suicide, wanting to kill him, wanting to hurt him...
I had a bout of PPD.
And even now, there are moments when I'll go "Why didn't I just put you up for adoption?"
I love my child to death and I couldn't see myself without him, he seriously completes me... I'm just immature. Here I am, 20 years old, I dont deserve my son at all.
He deserves someone better.
You love your son, yes? You take care of him, yes? He's not unhappy, yes? (Or maybe he is when he's not getting his own way, like any child) You deserve your son as much as anyone deserves their child, immature or not 3nodding And a bit of immaturity helps with playing with your child; you can be just like them biggrin
I feel like he isnt' happy with me, though.
I know everything will turn around once I'm on my own and we'll finally be a family. Right now, it feels like my parents are raising him because I work all day, I get home, I'm exhausted and I dont really want to play with him.
I just feel like a bad mom most of the time.
I can honestly relate to what you mean. I don't work, I do part time college. But after a bad night and being tired all day I just want to relax and chill, I want my energy back. I still look after Kyra to the point I dress her, feed her, put her to bed, etc. But it seems she's doing a lot on her own or daddy is doing it or when we have people come over they play with her. It's all about routine. Getting into one that works for you. But you're doing something for your child; you're working to pay for what he needs. And he still gets to see you. You're still around him even if it's not all the time. How old is he now by the way?
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