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 Posted: Fri Jul 21, 2006 1:50 pm
Okay, the subject sounds more drastic than it is, but at least it got your attention... at least for those who care at least a little bit.
Anyway, first off, I will not be on at all this weekend because I won't have access to a computer. I am going to a family friend's cottage at Lake Cushman (for those of you who maybe like to know what I'm up to). After that, I'm considering my own good by probably not coming on for a week. It's sucks, I know, but I thought I'd give everyone a break from seeing the 'online' status of my avatar. Maybe I'm just overly self-consious right now, but I get the feeling of impatience sometimes and I don't want to be rude and annoying...
It's a fault I have to deal with, and I'm also trying to cut back on all my stupid self-pity junk... so for those I commonly roleplay with, Zaira is going through withdrawel until she feels better about herself and will stop putting all her depression on others. I do it way too much, and it shows through my roleplay character. I am open to objections, but if my own reasons outwiegh yours, you can say goodbye to the Zaira (and Makenzie) you know... at least for a while until I can get my act(s) together. I hate having to bring others down into my own insecurities, so I'm going to work on my friends' problems now... so I can feel like I'm worth something again. (Those of you and others who I talk to outside of gaia... msn doesn't really count so much, but if it must, it will...)
Anyway, I'm sorry if it seems like I'm rambling, but I've been thinking about this decision all week and I feel like I'm depending too much on getting away from the real world to make myself feel better, but I need to actually face it to heal, rather than escape, from my depression (for those who didn't know, yes... I do have depression, happy-pills and all...). Now I will leave you to read this and understand why I'm going to stay away from gaia (and the computer in general) for a while. I depend on getting away from my pain too much, and I need to face it head on to overcome it. I'm sorry if I reject help, but it really is hard for me to lean on or depend on others... I just haven't found the right person who can hold me up and support me (sorry volunteers...).
Sayoonara (temporarily, I promise) after today...
-Makenzie Dean (now you know what mikki.d is short for...)
P.S. this is what i sent to my friends list, just thought people here should know too...
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Posted: Fri Jul 21, 2006 2:41 pm
...wow. thats...ok im not gonna tell yu to stay. plus if its only temporary thats fine. ill miss yu this week, but good luck working through everything. luv ya, bye
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Posted: Fri Jul 21, 2006 5:17 pm
i'm trying to break myself away from the computer entirely... which means you'll rarely see me. i just think it'd be easier on me when i feel lonely all the time and talking just isn't enough.
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Posted: Fri Jul 21, 2006 7:38 pm
its easy to break away from gaia. i was addicted but i stopped. got busy with life but im back now.
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Posted: Fri Jul 21, 2006 10:33 pm
MIKKI!!!!!!!!
I'll miss you Mikki.
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Posted: Sat Jul 22, 2006 10:20 am
i will too. promise yu wont stop entirely tho. i still wanna talk to yu. i dont want to make thigs harder on yu or anything, but i dont want to completely lose yu either. and gaia is the only way i ever talk to yu
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Posted: Sun Jul 23, 2006 8:22 pm
Wow.... eek
I'm a little lost on what that all means. But anyways... i hope you come back. You're a cool person! smile
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Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2006 12:29 pm
once again, the message to all my friends at this point: mikki.d okay, it's monday, i'm back, and checked to see if people really didn't want me to leave. turns out, i'm going to stay. for one, i didn't think that i would be missed quite this much. i don't like having to hurt friends, and apparently some of you would really miss me if i left. so i'll stay, though keep in mind i may still have a week off this summer to take care of something, i guess if you really want to know, you can ask why i'm considering this decision in the first place. i may or may not answer... it's really kind of hard on and for me. as much as i want to tell, it's syill hard for me to at times... lots of love from a friend, ~mikki.d so there ya have it...
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Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2006 3:51 pm
Alrighty...that's understandeable. I won't ask about then. It's prolly something you'd rather keep to yourself, and I don't have a problem with it. smile
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Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2006 7:39 pm
yeah. im always here for my friends, but i try not to pry. if they want to talk about it they'll come to me. i do ask them sometimes, but i dont press it at all if they dont want to talk.
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