I love this series! It is awesome!
Caboose: Sheila! Come back to me! I made you a muffin!
Church: You know, I could've taken that alien out if I'd hit him just a few more times.
Tucker: A few more times? How about one time!
Church: Well, I think I landed at least two or three shots.
Tucker: Yeah right.
Tex: You didn't hit anything but the wall.
Church: How the hell would you know? You were running straight backwards
Tex: This is a long-range weapon, okay? I need distance to use it effectively.
Tucker: Where were you planning on shooting him from, the ******** moon? If you'd have backed up any further you'd have had to mail him the bullets!
Tex: Tell you what, I'll go 50/50. You keep the emancipation, and I'll keep the sword.
Andy The Bomb: Deal.
Tucker: What do I get?
Tex: You get to live... but no guarantees.
Tucker: That's not a reward for me, that's a reward for all the fine ladies in the universe.
Tex: I'm a woman, and somehow, I don't feel any luckier.
Tucker: I said fine ladies.
Andy The Bomb: What do you want Caboose?
Caboose: I want a pony.
Tucker: [Talking about who will go on the 'Quest for the Sword'. Church and Tex admit that they aren't going] What? Then who?
[Looks at Caboose]
Tucker: No ********' way. I'm not going with him!
Caboose: Oh, oh, oh. I hope we meet a cleric along the way! None of us know how to heal.
Blue Elite: Blaar Honk.
Andy The Bomb: [Translates what Elite says] He says he's a healer.
Caboose: Oh, good!
Andy The Bomb: Heh heh. Not really. They eat their wounded.
[Continues to snigger]
Caboose: Just like chiropracters...
Tucker: This is a JOKE, right? You're sending Caboose? What's wrong with you?
Church: What's wrong with me? I saw a chance to get rid of Caboose and I took it. There's nothing wrong with me!
Caboose: [Completely not paying attention to what the others are saying] Okay, so... um... Tucker's the fighter... ah... Crunchbite is the healer... And I am the powerful, and intelligent, wizard: Morphumax.
Andy The Bomb: What the hell does that make me?
Caboose: You're the good looking and stealthy archer.
Andy The Bomb: A bow and arrow? I don't have any arms, you freakin' moron!
Caboose: That is what makes you so stealthy. This is going to be the best party ever.
Tucker: I'm gonna ********' die.
Sarge: Anyone... want to guess... why I gathered you here... today?
Grif: Uh, is it because the war's over and you're sending us home?
Sarge: That's exactly it, Private. War's over. We won. Turns out you're the big hero. We're gonna hold a parade in your honor. I get to drive the float. And Simmons here is in charge of confetti!
Grif: I'm no stranger to sarcasm, sir.
Simmons: Do you ever wonder why we're here?
Grif: One of life's great mysteries isn't it? Why are we here? I mean, are we the product of some cosmic coincidence? Or is there really a God, watching everything. You know, with a plan for us and stuff. I don't know man, but it keeps me up at night.
Simmons: What? I mean why are we out here, in this canyon.
Grif: Uh... Oh... Yeah...
Simmons: What's all this stuff about God?
Grif: Uh... um... Nothing.
Caboose: I should've known. She didn't like me. Girls... never... like me.
Tucker: Caboose, I don't think anybody likes you.
Caboose: I like me.
Church: So how are you doing Caboose? Are you following any of this whatsoever?
Caboose: I think so. That guy Tex is really a robot... and you're his boyfriend. So that makes you... a gay robot.
Church: ...Yeah. That's right. I'm a gay robot.
Church: [Frank has arrived too late to save Tex's life] First of all, great job on the Tex, man. Mission accomplished. Secondly, the way that we need you to assist is to help us kill all the Reds.
Frank DuFresne: Well, even if my orders didn't prohibit me from doing that, I still wouldn't. I joined the army as a conscientious objector.
Tucker: Consci... who?
Frank DuFresne: I'm a pacifist.
Caboose: ...You're a thing that babies suck on?
Tucker: No, dude, that's a *****.
Church: Tucker, I think he means a pacifier.
Tucker: Oh, yeah. Right. Man, I was totally thinking about something else.
Church: That's real classy, Tucker.
Caboose: [Donut and Caboose found a Warthog in the future] Look at what I found.
Donut: I found it!
Caboose: Look at what I took credit for finding.
Caboose: Sergeant! Look! A sleeping person!
Sarge: What? Holy Macaroon.
[Checks out the dead person]
Sarge: He's not sleeping, son, he's dead.
Caboose: Oh good. At first, I thought that was me because I am blue and I like to sleep. But if he is dead, that cannot be me. That would be silly.
Caboose: Look! More sleeping people! It must be naptime! But who has naptime now? Nap time comes before pants time, not after. I think these people are just making up times.
Sarge: Get over here! Give me a boost!
Caboose: Okay...
[walks up close to Sarge]
Caboose: You... are a good person. And people say... nice things about you.
Sarge: Not a morale boost, moron, a physical one. I need to see what's in that window.
Caboose: That window is very high. I don't think you are tall enough.
Sarge: I know. I need you to help me look through it.
Caboose: I don't think I am tall enough either. Also, my head is *round*, that window is *square*.
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