|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Fri Jul 14, 2006 6:18 pm
I feel that a reward system for a child does not work. Like, take for instance, a sport. If your child is in a sport, and you tell them: "If you get a home run, I'll buy you a milkshake!" and things like that, I think are wrong. Personally, it's because scoring a home run should be a reward itself, not getting a toy, or going somewhere, or getting sweets. I know I myself, is not a parent, (because Im only thirteen), but I have noticed other people using the reward system. I am on a swim team, and me and my sister are always trying to go faster ("popping" our times) and a good friend of ours' mom uses the reward system. I believe that using the reward system is more of a way of bribing children, rather than a congratulations. I think that someday, it will make the child get their parents to give them things, and bargain, (.i.e. "I'll clean my room if you buy me something") . What should happen, is that you should have a child do as they're told, and every once in a while (after they have been really good) reward them. (Or if they impress you greatly). That's just my opinion.
Discuss: Do you think the reward system is good?
What do you use on your child?
Or anything else.....
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2006 5:35 pm
I agree except for maybe a few instances, like "eat your vegetables and then you can have dessert."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2006 10:21 pm
Well, I have a 4 year old son and those examples you are giving are extreme and not the proper ways to use the reward systems. The main example you use is overcompetitive parents dealing with sports. Sports, to me, ARE the reward, it doesn't matter how well you do in it. It's totally different when you're an adult and have children of your own. I know I had great set opinions on children and how people parent when I was your age. wink
As long as it's dealing with positive reinforcement , I don't see a problem. It's a matter of action and consequence. Like when potty training or doing chores. Often, I had made a chart showing the progress and I reward positive actions with a positive reward. It doesn't have to be something you buy as a reward. It could be a day out, a movie night, etc.
It can be used wrong and abused, but there is more to reward systems than just a clear black/white view.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jul 20, 2006 6:04 pm
I don't have kids. (too young/not ready) But my parents do use a form of the reward system. Not bribes though. It's more like if I get a 3.9 on my report card they'll decide we can go out to eat that night, and I'm allowed to choose what place we go to. BUT they never gave me an incentive for me to work that hard to get the grades in the first place. They'll tell me I need to get Cs or above or I loose privilleges, but there is no set reward for doing well. Doing well is the reward, and often, depending on what I have done, they may then throw a little something in on top of that. But that little something varies widly, and many times is not even an item, but perhaps a day off from chores or something of that nature.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jul 23, 2006 9:16 am
Very well put together reward systems are actually the BEST kind of discipline.
Reward systems like star charts (and associated privledges like buying minutes of tv time or computer time with stars, or candy, or saving up your stars over time and buying a trip to the water park) ones that have set rules for how many you lose for poor behavior, those ones are FANTASTIC.
That way a child's BEHAVIOR is directly tied to their privledges. If you want privledges you need to have responsibility. That way it's not the PARENT who is doling out punishments or taking things away. It becomes a simple responsibility = reward and is easy to understand. You do the dishes tonight because that's your chore you've earned five stars, and five stars can buy 15 minutes of TV time, Candy, a little toy or you can "save up" stars for the Gameboy you want (lots and lots of stars) this also teaches them without using money, which is good if they're little, the value of savings.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jul 23, 2006 2:33 pm
I've talked about this a lot with my husband. In some situations, we've agreed with you. In other situations, we've agreed with Nopen.
For example, we don't feel that a child should be rewarded for things the child should be doing anyway. They should not get priviledges for doing the minumum requirement of chores or for eating vegetables. We feel that our child needs to learn that necessary things like this just HAVE to be done, whether you get something out of it or not.
So for basic required things like these, we feel that punishment should be issued for NOT doing them, but no reward for doing them (other than "thank you" or other words of encouragement - no material rewards).
Same with allowances. We feel that these reinforce the idea of "entitlement" - that the child deserves recompense for doing his/her basic required chores or even for doing nothing at all other than being born. We feel that this teaches moral values that are completely unrealistic and unhealthy.
We've decided that, instead of an allowance, our child can "buy" chores from us. So once our child finishes all of his/her required chores, he/she can come to one of us and take one of our chores and we will pay him/her for the work. For example, if Tuesday is my day to do the dishes and our child's day to cook dinner, but our child wants $5 to go see a movie, he/she can cook dinner and then do the dishes and he/she will get the money.
We've also decided to reward overachievement in school. Anything in the A range will get a monetary reward. Anything less than that will simply get verbal encouragement.
So basically, we feel that there are some things in life that you just have to do because they need to be done. Not because you will be rewarded. We feel that it is important to get our child accustomed to this early in life. But we also feel that anything above and beyond that, like Nopen said, should be associated with some sort of reward. If our child is putting more than just the required effort into something, we want to encourage that by linking the behaviour with a reward.
Phew! That was a long post!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jul 30, 2006 11:33 am
i won't have kids for a long time either, i'm 13, but the reward system is good in some instances, like, if a child is not self confident, they may need encouragement to do something great, and that encouragement would be a reward that they wanted, like candy, and also, we all got this, well most of us, we have to go get shots at the doctors office, if we are good and cooperate, we get candy afterwards, stuff like that is ok.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
