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When I was a child, my family were Mormons. I NEVER believed that religion, and it always brough me away from Christ. I never felt anything at all. Things continued to be that way until I was about 6 when my father died of Lung cancer. My only father was taken from me and to this day I sometimes tear up over it. It didn't take me long to develope a hatred for my savior Jesus. I HATED him so much that I'd curse him and God for the loss of my father nearly everyday. Whenever somebody brought up God, a raw hatred would build inside me.
As I grew, I began to understand things better (at least, I thought I did) I've always hated racism and sexism and stuff like rape and child molesting. Whenever I'd hear stuff related to that, I'd feel an intense sadness and hatred towards whoever did those horrible things. I'd read things like the crusades and slavery and I'd feel extreme hatred towards God. I'd curse him and mock him and all that jazz. Though I was an athiest of sorts, I guess I always knew there was God. Though I thought God was evil, I was to realize that Satan was hand feeding me lies. Granted, Christians have done those things, but that should NEVER suggest God or Jesus was responsible.
Anyway, about a year ago roughly, I was watching a movie with my brother and out of nowhere this racist thought kept attacking my mind. I didn't know what to think. No matter how hard I tried to stop the racism that flooded my mind, I'd always be sucked back into something terrible. It went on and on and everyday I'd wish it would stop. It progressed into worse things. I couldn't stop thinking about things like rape and murder and child molesting and sexism and EVERYTHING I know to be wrong and evil kept invading my mind. I became immensely afraid. Soon after all the thoughts flooded my system, some sort of urge grew. It would bring me to my knees literally with metal pain and anguish. Now, it wasn't REALLY an urge, but something kept nagging me to actually do those things. That terrified me the most. I began to realize just how much I love all people (though of course I get angry and such like all people do) and how much I didn't want to do those things, even if it meant my death. I was ready to slice my wrists so that nobody would get hurt. I'd cry and cry, begging to die so that nobody wouild get hurt or degraded or have prejudice directed towards them. That's when my life changed and Christ came back into my life with open arms.
One night I was sitting with my sister when the thoughts came back. By that point I'd shake and looked like I was about to cry whenever the thoughts arose again. My lovely sister saw how upset i looked and asked me what was going on. I didn't want to tell her so that she wouldn't interfer with the suicide I had in mind, but something GREAT told me to tell her what was going on. My sister is a devout Christian, and after I told her what was up she told me about God and Jesus. At the time it was very odd. Instead of feeling the hatred for God and Jesus I'd felt since I was a wee one, I felt love. It was incredible. She told me about demonic presences and Satan, and immediately I began to realize that Satan was attacking my mind. I looked into my bible (which I had just gotten at the time) and I saw nothing but love. No where in the bible does it suggest racism or slavery or hatred. I realized that for the past 10 years I'd been believing a lie. I realized how much God loves all of us, no matter how black or female or get this, no matter how GAY, and that he loves all of us equally. 10 years of hatred went down the drain, and it was replaced by love! Satan still attacks my mind with racism and stuff like that, but whenever I pray to God, express my undying love for him and feel his awesome love just rain down on me, Satan's lies are crushed. They're chopped up into pieces with an axe! I no longer worry about what I might do. I KNOW that I won't do any of the horrible things I kept thinking of. I KNOW that people will be safe, and you know why? It;s because of Jesus.


Now I love Jesus so much I can't believe just how much I hated him. I can easily say I'm even more non-racist or sexist than I ever was before (not to brag) and really it's because of Jesus.

What a story. . . eek The old serpent has a way of trying to terrorize us Christians. Now, you have the love of Jesus, and the devil will only try harder. Do you have strength, Hayabashi 2? Are you going to be strong for Jesus? smile

If not, ask the Lord for strength. Or. . . maybe remembering of His love will help you.

And I love posting a little bit of advice. Even if it's not needed by you, there can be someone who might read this thread and see this.

3nodding

Thank you, sis. Your story's very inspiring 3nodding

I love you Hayabashi 2 (aka James ^^)

God is watching us all right now and smiling, and whereever you have a weakness or need, he has given someone else an instruction to pray for you. You are not alone!

Also, if I can ever help you, pm me. heart blaugh xd blaugh heart

That's what we're here for! blaugh

...seriously. I'm here to be a witness, I believe. whee