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 Posted: Sun Jul 09, 2006 12:33 pm
I ******** up=( i cut a X into my leg... my bf is so upset with me.. i don't no what to do.. i can't belive i did this, i'm soo mad at myself! ******** i'm stupid.. how can i stop this, i'v tryed so much and it dosent' help =(..
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Posted: Mon Jul 10, 2006 10:18 am
Okies. im not going to say that you need proffessonal help no. Walk to you should do is simple. talk to your bf and tell him you want to stop doing that. ask him to take anything that you cut yourself with away from you and after that ask him to keep a watch on you plus talk to someone.
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Posted: Mon Jul 10, 2006 4:34 pm
see the problem is, i'm not sure i want to stop..i guess it sounds silly and all. But i know i have to...i'm getting worse and worse, and i'v been trying to stop. I do talk to my bf, hes been with me through nearly all of this.. i started just a lil while b4 i started going out with him. its the times when hes at a friends or out at a family dinner or somewhere and just can't talk to me, its thos times that i will get real upset and cut. And he'd have to take Everything away from me, i get despret. I used a broken cd one time. i just don't no what to do....*lost..*
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Posted: Tue Jul 11, 2006 9:38 pm
Stopping is hard, so slipping up occasionally is understandable. But really, if you're trying as hard as you say and it still isn't working, all i can advise is professional help.
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Posted: Tue Jul 11, 2006 11:09 pm
jellyfish_84 see the problem is, i'm not sure i want to stop..i guess it sounds silly and all. But i know i have to...i'm getting worse and worse, and i'v been trying to stop. I do talk to my bf, hes been with me through nearly all of this.. i started just a lil while b4 i started going out with him. its the times when hes at a friends or out at a family dinner or somewhere and just can't talk to me, its thos times that i will get real upset and cut. And he'd have to take Everything away from me, i get despret. I used a broken cd one time. i just don't no what to do....*lost..* ok think about your bf doing that while your gone. you love him yes? dont want any harm to come to him yes? better yet. take a rubberband and snap it hard against your wrist everytime you feel the urge to cut that might help, if you love him, your stop cutting yourself.
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Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 9:05 pm
flaaffy: i mayyy be going to see a theripist.. but i really don't want too. and i could never tell them i cut. i don't trust ppl like that enuff.. i'v been to many b4, and they just ******** me over.
AkuraTheCrow: i tryed the rubber band thing.. i had to do it for a reallly long time to acually feel pain, i also tryed holding ice.. i held it untill i melted.. and it dind't hurt :S so i'm not sure. And yes i love my bf soooo much(L).. and i am trying to stop for him. hes just not always there for me.. but its understandable. but still.
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Posted: Thu Jul 13, 2006 6:50 am
jellyfish_84 flaaffy: i mayyy be going to see a theripist.. but i really don't want too. and i could never tell them i cut. i don't trust ppl like that enuff.. i'v been to many b4, and they just ******** me over. AkuraTheCrow: i tryed the rubber band thing.. i had to do it for a reallly long time to acually feel pain, i also tryed holding ice.. i held it untill i melted.. and it dind't hurt :S so i'm not sure. And yes i love my bf soooo much(L).. and i am trying to stop for him. hes just not always there for me.. but its understandable. but still. tell him this, your be welling to stop cutting if hes realling to be there for you more, tell you fell neglitected by him not being around when you need him the most. and right now you need him more then ever to help you deal with this. this need to stop before you realy do hurt yourself. talk to him and let him know you need his help. beg him if you have to.
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Posted: Thu Jul 13, 2006 7:54 am
I am very glad that you acknowledged the fact that you know cutting is an unhealthy addiction that has to be stopped and that you tried to stop cutting matters a lot. It takes a great deal of courage to own up to this, I’m sure.
You are fortunate to have a supportive boyfriend to talk to you through all of this, although there have been times he has ignored you but as you said, it’s understandable. I can understand why he is very upset with you, especially because no matter what he says or do, he is unable to remedy the situation at hand.
I think you should really consider his feelings and over the relationship. If you really care for him, you should stop cutting, even if it means opening yourself up to a complete stranger – a counselor, therapist, anybody.
I know it is difficult to get over this addiction. I have talked to many self-cutters before and I can only imagine the kind of hurdles they had to overcome, just to get through with life. There are many other alternatives in dealing with life issues and one of them I can recall off-hand now is stepping front, telling someone and getting help.
Good luck!
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Posted: Thu Jul 13, 2006 10:23 am
jellyfish_84 see the problem is, i'm not sure i want to stop..i guess it sounds silly and all. But i know i have to...i'm getting worse and worse, and i'v been trying to stop. I do talk to my bf, hes been with me through nearly all of this.. i started just a lil while b4 i started going out with him. its the times when hes at a friends or out at a family dinner or somewhere and just can't talk to me, its thos times that i will get real upset and cut. And he'd have to take Everything away from me, i get despret. I used a broken cd one time. i just don't no what to do....*lost..* You're never going to quit unless YOU want to. You must quit for yourself. It's like smoking, someone might want you to quit, but you're not going to unless you truly want to. Until then, you might not be able to. However, quitting for love of your b/f should be enough. Just be strong and I think you should pick up a habit for your hands, like knitting or something...
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Posted: Thu Jul 13, 2006 12:20 pm
Thanxs you guys.. helped alot. See the thing is, with talking to my bf about him being there for me more. I'd feel bad.. cuz he is there for me alottt. its just when hes not there that i need him most, but thos times he not there hes with his friends or something, having a life. He needs that life, hes had a bad childhood. and its not fair to him to take away something he needs. he helps me in the best way he can...but i always need more, i'm a really needey person, and i know that. aswell.. i get afraid to open up too hm all teh way. Or like if i cut, i would tell him to usally the next day cuz i'm scared of how he'll react. Because we went through some rough times, and he told me things like if i cut agian our relationship was done. and he would get SUPERR mad at me for cutting.. we'd walk down the hallways.. and he'd be holding my wrist instea d of my hand, he'd scwees it really tight, he wanted me to feel the pain of it... it never made scence to me, and i coulden't understand why he was doing that to me.. I was afraid to leave the relationship.. cuz i didn't no what would happen, so i stuck with it aslong as i could. but we got over thos rough times, and were good now, but i'm absoultly terified of him going back to his old ways. it was horible.. and i constantly sacrifised myself for him, cuz i love him. But i am always scared of the things he would get mad at me for, every time i tell him something.. if its inperson, i back away.. and if its on msn or something.. i just don't expect anwsers cuz of how he used to be..i'll stop rambling now. Thanxs everybody heart
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Posted: Thu Jul 13, 2006 1:24 pm
jellyfish_84 Thanxs you guys.. helped alot. See the thing is, with talking to my bf about him being there for me more. I'd feel bad.. cuz he is there for me alottt. its just when hes not there that i need him most, but thos times he not there hes with his friends or something, having a life. He needs that life, hes had a bad childhood. and its not fair to him to take away something he needs. he helps me in the best way he can...but i always need more, i'm a really needey person, and i know that. aswell.. i get afraid to open up too hm all teh way. Or like if i cut, i would tell him to usally the next day cuz i'm scared of how he'll react. Because we went through some rough times, and he told me things like if i cut agian our relationship was done. and he would get SUPERR mad at me for cutting.. we'd walk down the hallways.. and he'd be holding my wrist instea d of my hand, he'd scwees it really tight, he wanted me to feel the pain of it... it never made scence to me, and i coulden't understand why he was doing that to me.. I was afraid to leave the relationship.. cuz i didn't no what would happen, so i stuck with it aslong as i could. but we got over thos rough times, and were good now, but i'm absoultly terified of him going back to his old ways. it was horible.. and i constantly sacrifised myself for him, cuz i love him. But i am always scared of the things he would get mad at me for, every time i tell him something.. if its inperson, i back away.. and if its on msn or something.. i just don't expect anwsers cuz of how he used to be..i'll stop rambling now. Thanxs everybody heart Wiat....he does that instead of conforting you. Something doesn't seem right. It sounds like hes has anger issues. If your scare he'll get violet with you if you leave him then leave him then. or his trying to protect you but hes over doing it. not that i blaim him for it. after my love nearly died 3 times being with me. im pretty protective of her. so i wouldnt blame him for wanting to protect you but they he does it isn't the right way. squezzing your writs like that. doesn't sound right
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Posted: Thu Jul 13, 2006 3:54 pm
AkuraTheCrow jellyfish_84 Thanxs you guys.. helped alot. See the thing is, with talking to my bf about him being there for me more. I'd feel bad.. cuz he is there for me alottt. its just when hes not there that i need him most, but thos times he not there hes with his friends or something, having a life. He needs that life, hes had a bad childhood. and its not fair to him to take away something he needs. he helps me in the best way he can...but i always need more, i'm a really needey person, and i know that. aswell.. i get afraid to open up too hm all teh way. Or like if i cut, i would tell him to usally the next day cuz i'm scared of how he'll react. Because we went through some rough times, and he told me things like if i cut agian our relationship was done. and he would get SUPERR mad at me for cutting.. we'd walk down the hallways.. and he'd be holding my wrist instea d of my hand, he'd scwees it really tight, he wanted me to feel the pain of it... it never made scence to me, and i coulden't understand why he was doing that to me.. I was afraid to leave the relationship.. cuz i didn't no what would happen, so i stuck with it aslong as i could. but we got over thos rough times, and were good now, but i'm absoultly terified of him going back to his old ways. it was horible.. and i constantly sacrifised myself for him, cuz i love him. But i am always scared of the things he would get mad at me for, every time i tell him something.. if its inperson, i back away.. and if its on msn or something.. i just don't expect anwsers cuz of how he used to be..i'll stop rambling now. Thanxs everybody heart Wiat....he does that instead of conforting you. Something doesn't seem right. It sounds like hes has anger issues. If your scare he'll get violet with you if you leave him then leave him then. or his trying to protect you but hes over doing it. not that i blaim him for it. after my love nearly died 3 times being with me. im pretty protective of her. so i wouldnt blame him for wanting to protect you but they he does it isn't the right way. squezzing your writs like that. doesn't sound right Like i said, hes not like that anymore. i'm just scared hes gunna go back to it.. i'v always had trust isuse, mostly cuz of guys. And He knows Everything about me! i love him so much. i'm just scared hes gunna go back to his old ways...he pormised me he woulden't. but i can see it in him, theres little things that r changing. nuthing that bothers me too much. hes an awesome guy! he really is. he just gets on my nerves sometimes like every other bf out there pretty much. and i love him a ton. hes great.. i'm just scared he'll change back. and in my mind. hes never changed.. if that makes scence.. like i'm still always afraid of thos reactions. and lately i'v been getting real nervous when anybody(espeaslly my father) puts there hand up, or throws something at me, i'm scared their gunna hit me, i'm not sure why i have this fear.. My bf has never ever hit me...my father hasen't hit me.. playfull sorta thing yes(it did hurt tho), but never serious..he did freak out on me and pull me to the ground by my hair but hes never hit me.. its just odd. Aswell i'v been getting this big fear that somebodys going to rape me, i'm really scared of going down stairs in my house at night, cuz theres huge windows that look out to teh road, i'v always been scared of downstairs in my house in teh dark.. but never for this reason :S. I guess i just can't let go of the past of how my bf was.. i'm not sure, i'm just always nervous about it.
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Posted: Fri Jul 14, 2006 1:37 pm
jellyfish_84 AkuraTheCrow jellyfish_84 Thanxs you guys.. helped alot. See the thing is, with talking to my bf about him being there for me more. I'd feel bad.. cuz he is there for me alottt. its just when hes not there that i need him most, but thos times he not there hes with his friends or something, having a life. He needs that life, hes had a bad childhood. and its not fair to him to take away something he needs. he helps me in the best way he can...but i always need more, i'm a really needey person, and i know that. aswell.. i get afraid to open up too hm all teh way. Or like if i cut, i would tell him to usally the next day cuz i'm scared of how he'll react. Because we went through some rough times, and he told me things like if i cut agian our relationship was done. and he would get SUPERR mad at me for cutting.. we'd walk down the hallways.. and he'd be holding my wrist instea d of my hand, he'd scwees it really tight, he wanted me to feel the pain of it... it never made scence to me, and i coulden't understand why he was doing that to me.. I was afraid to leave the relationship.. cuz i didn't no what would happen, so i stuck with it aslong as i could. but we got over thos rough times, and were good now, but i'm absoultly terified of him going back to his old ways. it was horible.. and i constantly sacrifised myself for him, cuz i love him. But i am always scared of the things he would get mad at me for, every time i tell him something.. if its inperson, i back away.. and if its on msn or something.. i just don't expect anwsers cuz of how he used to be..i'll stop rambling now. Thanxs everybody heart Wiat....he does that instead of conforting you. Something doesn't seem right. It sounds like hes has anger issues. If your scare he'll get violet with you if you leave him then leave him then. or his trying to protect you but hes over doing it. not that i blaim him for it. after my love nearly died 3 times being with me. im pretty protective of her. so i wouldnt blame him for wanting to protect you but they he does it isn't the right way. squezzing your writs like that. doesn't sound right Like i said, hes not like that anymore. i'm just scared hes gunna go back to it.. i'v always had trust isuse, mostly cuz of guys. And He knows Everything about me! i love him so much. i'm just scared hes gunna go back to his old ways...he pormised me he woulden't. but i can see it in him, theres little things that r changing. nuthing that bothers me too much. hes an awesome guy! he really is. he just gets on my nerves sometimes like every other bf out there pretty much. and i love him a ton. hes great.. i'm just scared he'll change back. and in my mind. hes never changed.. if that makes scence.. like i'm still always afraid of thos reactions. and lately i'v been getting real nervous when anybody(espeaslly my father) puts there hand up, or throws something at me, i'm scared their gunna hit me, i'm not sure why i have this fear.. My bf has never ever hit me...my father hasen't hit me.. playfull sorta thing yes(it did hurt tho), but never serious..he did freak out on me and pull me to the ground by my hair but hes never hit me.. its just odd. Aswell i'v been getting this big fear that somebodys going to rape me, i'm really scared of going down stairs in my house at night, cuz theres huge windows that look out to teh road, i'v always been scared of downstairs in my house in teh dark.. but never for this reason :S. I guess i just can't let go of the past of how my bf was.. i'm not sure, i'm just always nervous about it. Then something is defently not right. I dont have to be a cop to see it. (im not one) If you feel that scared about it, then for your safety you should let him know that. If he gets pissed too easiesly that could be abusive. I understand he promised you he would not go back to his old ways. But some guys. Just will never change at all even for a pretty gf that loves them wont be enough. I wont tell you want to do No. But the advice I can give you is this. Trust your heart but most importantly trust your gut. BUT. You should be able to get over your past to and go on with your life. Take his hand gentaly and take him to a couch and sit his butt down and tell him whats bothering you. If he gets pissed, let him. If you fight him, he could get worse. After he calms down. Talk to him more. let him know whats up. That you feel hes changing back. You love him im sure but its not worth your safety over it. If your scared of getting rape cause of his actions then thats something to worried about cause personaly. something dont seem right at all.
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Posted: Fri Jul 14, 2006 5:21 pm
AkuraTheCrow jellyfish_84 AkuraTheCrow jellyfish_84 Thanxs you guys.. helped alot. See the thing is, with talking to my bf about him being there for me more. I'd feel bad.. cuz he is there for me alottt. its just when hes not there that i need him most, but thos times he not there hes with his friends or something, having a life. He needs that life, hes had a bad childhood. and its not fair to him to take away something he needs. he helps me in the best way he can...but i always need more, i'm a really needey person, and i know that. aswell.. i get afraid to open up too hm all teh way. Or like if i cut, i would tell him to usally the next day cuz i'm scared of how he'll react. Because we went through some rough times, and he told me things like if i cut agian our relationship was done. and he would get SUPERR mad at me for cutting.. we'd walk down the hallways.. and he'd be holding my wrist instea d of my hand, he'd scwees it really tight, he wanted me to feel the pain of it... it never made scence to me, and i coulden't understand why he was doing that to me.. I was afraid to leave the relationship.. cuz i didn't no what would happen, so i stuck with it aslong as i could. but we got over thos rough times, and were good now, but i'm absoultly terified of him going back to his old ways. it was horible.. and i constantly sacrifised myself for him, cuz i love him. But i am always scared of the things he would get mad at me for, every time i tell him something.. if its inperson, i back away.. and if its on msn or something.. i just don't expect anwsers cuz of how he used to be..i'll stop rambling now. Thanxs everybody heart Wiat....he does that instead of conforting you. Something doesn't seem right. It sounds like hes has anger issues. If your scare he'll get violet with you if you leave him then leave him then. or his trying to protect you but hes over doing it. not that i blaim him for it. after my love nearly died 3 times being with me. im pretty protective of her. so i wouldnt blame him for wanting to protect you but they he does it isn't the right way. squezzing your writs like that. doesn't sound right Like i said, hes not like that anymore. i'm just scared hes gunna go back to it.. i'v always had trust isuse, mostly cuz of guys. And He knows Everything about me! i love him so much. i'm just scared hes gunna go back to his old ways...he pormised me he woulden't. but i can see it in him, theres little things that r changing. nuthing that bothers me too much. hes an awesome guy! he really is. he just gets on my nerves sometimes like every other bf out there pretty much. and i love him a ton. hes great.. i'm just scared he'll change back. and in my mind. hes never changed.. if that makes scence.. like i'm still always afraid of thos reactions. and lately i'v been getting real nervous when anybody(espeaslly my father) puts there hand up, or throws something at me, i'm scared their gunna hit me, i'm not sure why i have this fear.. My bf has never ever hit me...my father hasen't hit me.. playfull sorta thing yes(it did hurt tho), but never serious..he did freak out on me and pull me to the ground by my hair but hes never hit me.. its just odd. Aswell i'v been getting this big fear that somebodys going to rape me, i'm really scared of going down stairs in my house at night, cuz theres huge windows that look out to teh road, i'v always been scared of downstairs in my house in teh dark.. but never for this reason :S. I guess i just can't let go of the past of how my bf was.. i'm not sure, i'm just always nervous about it. Then something is defently not right. I dont have to be a cop to see it. (im not one) If you feel that scared about it, then for your safety you should let him know that. If he gets pissed too easiesly that could be abusive. I understand he promised you he would not go back to his old ways. But some guys. Just will never change at all even for a pretty gf that loves them wont be enough. I wont tell you want to do No. But the advice I can give you is this. Trust your heart but most importantly trust your gut. BUT. You should be able to get over your past to and go on with your life. Take his hand gentaly and take him to a couch and sit his butt down and tell him whats bothering you. If he gets pissed, let him. If you fight him, he could get worse. After he calms down. Talk to him more. let him know whats up. That you feel hes changing back. You love him im sure but its not worth your safety over it. If your scared of getting rape cause of his actions then thats something to worried about cause personaly. something dont seem right at all. Yeah..thank you so much! i think the next time i see him in person i'm gunna talk to him. I told him he only had one more chance. I hope he remembers that, cuz when we got back together, i told him i was scared but i would give him a chance and stuff. And i have.. I'll see how he reacts when i tell him i'm scared of him changing back.Yeah i totally understand not to fight him. i hope i can get this all cleared up b4 we go camping. i don't think i will get to see him till monday ish. And i proboly won't talk to him much untill then.. hes always out with his friends. so thanxs for the advise i'll try talking to him as soon as i can! wahmbulance
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Posted: Fri Jul 14, 2006 5:29 pm
jellyfish_84 AkuraTheCrow jellyfish_84 AkuraTheCrow jellyfish_84 Thanxs you guys.. helped alot. See the thing is, with talking to my bf about him being there for me more. I'd feel bad.. cuz he is there for me alottt. its just when hes not there that i need him most, but thos times he not there hes with his friends or something, having a life. He needs that life, hes had a bad childhood. and its not fair to him to take away something he needs. he helps me in the best way he can...but i always need more, i'm a really needey person, and i know that. aswell.. i get afraid to open up too hm all teh way. Or like if i cut, i would tell him to usally the next day cuz i'm scared of how he'll react. Because we went through some rough times, and he told me things like if i cut agian our relationship was done. and he would get SUPERR mad at me for cutting.. we'd walk down the hallways.. and he'd be holding my wrist instea d of my hand, he'd scwees it really tight, he wanted me to feel the pain of it... it never made scence to me, and i coulden't understand why he was doing that to me.. I was afraid to leave the relationship.. cuz i didn't no what would happen, so i stuck with it aslong as i could. but we got over thos rough times, and were good now, but i'm absoultly terified of him going back to his old ways. it was horible.. and i constantly sacrifised myself for him, cuz i love him. But i am always scared of the things he would get mad at me for, every time i tell him something.. if its inperson, i back away.. and if its on msn or something.. i just don't expect anwsers cuz of how he used to be..i'll stop rambling now. Thanxs everybody heart Wiat....he does that instead of conforting you. Something doesn't seem right. It sounds like hes has anger issues. If your scare he'll get violet with you if you leave him then leave him then. or his trying to protect you but hes over doing it. not that i blaim him for it. after my love nearly died 3 times being with me. im pretty protective of her. so i wouldnt blame him for wanting to protect you but they he does it isn't the right way. squezzing your writs like that. doesn't sound right Like i said, hes not like that anymore. i'm just scared hes gunna go back to it.. i'v always had trust isuse, mostly cuz of guys. And He knows Everything about me! i love him so much. i'm just scared hes gunna go back to his old ways...he pormised me he woulden't. but i can see it in him, theres little things that r changing. nuthing that bothers me too much. hes an awesome guy! he really is. he just gets on my nerves sometimes like every other bf out there pretty much. and i love him a ton. hes great.. i'm just scared he'll change back. and in my mind. hes never changed.. if that makes scence.. like i'm still always afraid of thos reactions. and lately i'v been getting real nervous when anybody(espeaslly my father) puts there hand up, or throws something at me, i'm scared their gunna hit me, i'm not sure why i have this fear.. My bf has never ever hit me...my father hasen't hit me.. playfull sorta thing yes(it did hurt tho), but never serious..he did freak out on me and pull me to the ground by my hair but hes never hit me.. its just odd. Aswell i'v been getting this big fear that somebodys going to rape me, i'm really scared of going down stairs in my house at night, cuz theres huge windows that look out to teh road, i'v always been scared of downstairs in my house in teh dark.. but never for this reason :S. I guess i just can't let go of the past of how my bf was.. i'm not sure, i'm just always nervous about it. Then something is defently not right. I dont have to be a cop to see it. (im not one) If you feel that scared about it, then for your safety you should let him know that. If he gets pissed too easiesly that could be abusive. I understand he promised you he would not go back to his old ways. But some guys. Just will never change at all even for a pretty gf that loves them wont be enough. I wont tell you want to do No. But the advice I can give you is this. Trust your heart but most importantly trust your gut. BUT. You should be able to get over your past to and go on with your life. Take his hand gentaly and take him to a couch and sit his butt down and tell him whats bothering you. If he gets pissed, let him. If you fight him, he could get worse. After he calms down. Talk to him more. let him know whats up. That you feel hes changing back. You love him im sure but its not worth your safety over it. If your scared of getting rape cause of his actions then thats something to worried about cause personaly. something dont seem right at all. Yeah..thank you so much! i think the next time i see him in person i'm gunna talk to him. I told him he only had one more chance. I hope he remembers that, cuz when we got back together, i told him i was scared but i would give him a chance and stuff. And i have.. I'll see how he reacts when i tell him i'm scared of him changing back.Yeah i totally understand not to fight him. i hope i can get this all cleared up b4 we go camping. i don't think i will get to see him till monday ish. And i proboly won't talk to him much untill then.. hes always out with his friends. so thanxs for the advise i'll try talking to him as soon as i can! wahmbulance your very welcome and be safe, if you must take a friend with you when you go to talk to him. =^_^= good luck.
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