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 Posted: Fri Jul 07, 2006 4:34 pm
Right... small introduction.
Um... I've been here since late August 2004. (I miss Mou-Mou ;__; <3). From time to time I stop by to see how much this place has expanded without me. I envy the fact that I don't the time to be actually known very well here. My actions have consequences and sadly this is one of then ;3
Anyhoo, I enjoy writing. A lot. I would post a lot of my theories, but I've recently found out that I'm discovering nothing since all I've been apparently discovering are just techniques of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. D:
Anyhoo. I have a few poems. I won't post my old ones, just my cute little ones.
They're cute, they ryhme or simply just depressing.
Sometimes I'll slide in a more profound one or an actually story.
That's all
~Mike n_n <3
P.s I'd like to add that they're might be a post or two about something more philosophical? I enjoy philosophy <3
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Posted: Fri Jul 07, 2006 4:35 pm
___#1 Naked inside your fear,
Not a murmur, not even a cheer.
Smell that lullaby that runs too deep.
Causes the hard to go weak, and the young to sleep.
Stitches the hole, caught me when it was time to fall.
A song, that flies with the wind, that continues to drift along.
Open up your ears, listen with your eyes,
a melody that causes you to cry with hard sighs...
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Posted: Fri Jul 07, 2006 4:38 pm
___#2
Love at first sight can sometimes be cured by a second look...
Times when we are naked inside our fear.
Where time stops to fly, year by year.
At the abyss, I hear your cheer,
For all to sneer, loud and clear...
A man once told me we should pray as our first priority, and not our last result.
And although I can't agree, It also tells us that the things we should do everyday are saved for last and only during desperate times...
- Sigh - Love sure has it's perks and it's downers. I'm sort of hoping for no comments on this one. Just either a wow, or that's not right... Personal? No, anyone can agree or disagree on this subject.
When love is young, the air is sweet,
Forbidden fruit is all we eat.
And August Moons is our conceit. When love stays young...
I think I can state without a care that we have to start loving someone. Feelings arise, blood pulses shake and our eyes swell up with amazement as the one we've known for so long... becomes someone else to you. Something better. Something riskier...
When love is young,
The glass is full.
No empty chairs against those silenced walls...
When we're young, we tried, we fail. We try some more and experiment. I think this is the greatest time and I also feel I skipped it.
A slogan for my life is: Those who are new, feel sorry for me. Those I lost contact with... regret it. And it's not catchy as my other sayings or statements, but it's very true. My life is a wreck. But it's fragile like a glass rose. You come to adore my thoughts my beings, my creativty and my production.
Throughout my experience, there is always a good side to the bad. Because failure is an event, never a person. A step back so you can leap farther forward.
Despite the constant effort we make to keep our tries of love afloat, it doesn't last forever. And at some point, before or during your new relationship, you are thankful it was over. Thankful because you didn't waste too much time? Maybe... depends. Or thankful because everything you tested in that previous relationship can either be re-done or shouldn't be done.
Ah, sometimes I get so sick of just staring. Staring of what I could've had or could have? No... tired of wasting my time with fears. That's what holds a lot of us back. And also keeps us from making dumb moves as well. It helps to be cautious and safe. It also helps us think and resolve problems more easily and from afar. But it also wastes many chances.
Right now, while I'm mind is not on her... I can think so clearly. I'm safew from her indirect lure of desire, of lust. Here, I can easily say: The worst choice you can pick is not taking that chance at all (something like that).
But, when I am at arm's reach. Feeling her rosey cheeks against my damped and impatient hands... I get queasy with unassureness. Reassurance is what I need, not courage. Courage is what you muster up to meet her. Reassurance is what you combine to actually ask her.
((No, I didn't ask anyone to go out with me.))
To finish up, I'd like to say that I want a love where feelings are mutual. And understanding with a gaze in her bloomed eyes. Where people go: "Are you going out, is she your girlfriend." and I can wave them off like moths and reply at ease: "No, no she's not. I just love her." From there I can walk past their perplexed feelings with pride and happiness. I want a love where we aren't tackled or side-tracted by titles or standards of others.
Alas, it seems she has falled for someone else, or so I suspect. Over-analysis is my problem at times... and I enjoy it when it really helps...
Love reborn from the cradle, warm.
A web is spun, where we lie sweet under the sun.
Life goes on, like a spinning wheel,
Like a lily, never ready to peel.
Beside, nothing needed to say,
I think it's obvious... I was king for another day.
I don't want comments, I want spectators of what I just wrote today...
Making everlasting footprints in the sand,
Hardly royal, hardly grand.
To end it all, I dare to say,
that your hearts are split,
Easily and happily on the purest silk...
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Posted: Fri Jul 07, 2006 4:40 pm
___#3
Times when we are naked inside our fear.
Where time stops to fly, year by year.
At the abyss, I hear your cheer,
For all to sneer, loud and clear...
When love is young, the air is sweet,
Forbidden fruit is all we eat.
And August Moons is our conceit. When love stays young...
When love is young,
The glass is full.
No empty chairs against those silenced walls...
Love reborn from the cradle, warm.
A web is spun, where we lie sweet under the sun.
Life still goes on, like a spinning wheel,
Like a lily, never ready to peel.
Beside, nothing needed to say,
I think it's obvious... I was king for another day.
Making everlasting footprints in the sand,
Hardly royal, hardly grand.
To end it all, I dare to say,
that your hearts are split,
Easily and happily on the purest silk...
The things that sway our way.,
Like the trees that dance everyday.
Clouds fog our dreamy eyes,
This blissful love that happily never dies.
The wind that tickles our cheeks,
With a beauty beside me stronger than all the combined aphordites.
At times, when the abyss becomes nothing but a bee,
I can hear your voice whisper another symphony.
Beyond your iris, I go weary, I go blind.
A wink and a kiss makes me daze, damn. It fools me everytime.
I was once a fool among fools, to think that love needed one or two rules.
There are times times when I act like a gullible guy, believing that true lie.
A love that remained untame,
Despite the lows of our life, and the mountains of our soul, fame.
And when all of life's moments seem untrue.
Just remember our's, it'll be waiting, always on cue...
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Posted: Fri Jul 07, 2006 4:41 pm
____#4
Travelling eternally for open hands,
You see your life, draining through each step in the sands.
Stich left and right for that missing part,
the chain of memories that stains your heart.
Beyond constant obstacles you see something bright,
It is happiness from afar trying to squeeze you hard and tight.
Lest not forget, you can leave your baggage, you need nothing to bring.
Because my heart can provide, it has everything.
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Posted: Fri Jul 07, 2006 4:42 pm
____#5
I'd love to live and learn,
But your endless encounters, always leave me with more to yearn.
Our life ahead, hand in hand,
Our playful joys, deep in the sand.
A precious pearl, hidden deep in the quiet ocean.
Your beauty stuns them all, causes an endless commotion...
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Posted: Fri Jul 07, 2006 4:43 pm
___#6
I'd love to live and learn,
But your endless encounters, always leave me with more to yearn.
Our life ahead, hand in hand,
Our playful joys, deep in the sand.
A precious pearl, hidden deep in the quiet ocean.
Your beauty stuns them all, causes an endless commotion...
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Posted: Fri Jul 07, 2006 4:44 pm
___#6
Constant veins of pleasure,
Dodges all troubles, and soothes me like a feather.
I'd hate to leave our memories, leave all this behind.
But sometimes, life's routes stabs us all, remains unkind.
And the tears I once shed, come back as if it was yesterday.
A broken cassette, my mind replays of that faithful day.
To think that my dreams had never once come true.
But you stand before me, and in one fast swoop, you carry me to.
Somewhere in between, I didn't bother with facts of time.
All I know is, you are my hope. my miracle. That sign...
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Posted: Fri Jul 07, 2006 4:45 pm
___#7
Everyday I see your generous deeds,
but I can't help but want you to fulfill any of my needs.
Time and time, I feel your touch,
I melt and skitter, I can't handle that much.
A soothing call frolics my way,
Just the right amount of words, none needed to say.
And here the edge draws oh-too near,
I clench to you, when I grow in fear.
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Posted: Fri Jul 07, 2006 4:46 pm
___#8
Considered me the contrary of your reflection, colored unimpressed while you stay tickled pink of our encounter
Steal those shards of each glare and stab those dreary colors of the wind.
Finally, dance among the helpless.
Dangle with the fools among the shriveled sunset.
Upon a roll of scattered miserable melodies.
All feelings fail, all senses diminish as the unknown imagination brags on in the obscure night.
Beyond the casted flame, silence remains so dizzy.
Only to suffice my perishable tastes,
Only to take a putrid gamble, lick the winning fee and roll the sneaky dice to once and for all decide your destiny.
To commence the masquerade of your fate and the ballad of mine.
As I regain though and all senses,
I learn to express, knock down all mental fences.
To hear, corrupted lies beyond my tarnished ear.
Lend me another, a toast to each and every sigh
Licking of the sand by the ocean side, calling all the doves high in the sky.
Keep your ears alert for my next good-bye.
Sunlight burns your sleepy eyes. So hard to imagine you dreamin'.
Day in, day out at sunrise, I fight to stay blissfully sleepin'
Shells of my eyelids, blinking at the wasteful time
Keep all eyes at mine.
The taste of your smile, all I want to feel.
A broken heart, heartless lips, let time heal.
Singing past tears, singing like a soothless chime.
Keep your lips forever, eternally on mine.
A cup for a fully bloomed puddle. Hands, warm as the heart.
The touch for you, distorted heart for the bottomless sea.
Keep your hands upon me.
Farewell, to the point of no return.
Our ending treaty.
A pitiful alliance where silent fears are demasked for the living.
Anger for the blind. Joy for the deaf. Sadness for the dead.
All to sum with a wink and smirk: "You are to be forgotten but never gone,
As long as your are accompanied by that tormenting endless song..."
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Posted: Fri Jul 07, 2006 4:48 pm
___#9
Much needed of your intervention,
Stringing down from all this uneeded tension.
What do you call this sensation?
Dazzled, wonderful. Fills me with fascination.
Lay down, I'll hold you tighter.
Far into the night, we'll soar higher...
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Posted: Fri Jul 07, 2006 4:50 pm
___#10
Luxury beneath natural shade. nothing to listen to, nothing to abide,
Our view filled with, hillsides, mountains and the ocean tide.
Giddy breaths tag onto laughing clouds beneath a sole star,
white, blue, all is forgotten. Nothing left, not even a scar.
Screeching winds, ticklish cheeks. I can see blooming wings.
Flight up above, Grasping in our hands. Many memories, many things.
Just remember, when you have learned your way.
To retrieve my heart, it still has many words to say...
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Posted: Fri Jul 07, 2006 4:52 pm
____#11
Damn, another field trip to the planetarium, this is the third time these two past years. I pratically memorized the whole tour." -I thought to myself, almost muttering it out loud.
The bus finally came to a screeching halt, and we were all kicked out without remorse or sympathy. I had to admit, the tour... sucked, as usual. Why did mother paid for this again. What a waste of my time. Or was it? For once in 3 years, the one I have pratically stalked with needy hands and heart-punching stares, has finally come aboard this hellish educational trip. God, how I yearn to sleep under her eyes and breathe her breath. To taste her lips and brush my hands against her silky hair like the wind in the willows.
A few hours tossed forth and forward 'till we finally reached the more "phenomenal" part of the tour. The tour guide wasn't exactly attractive. Especially when she flashed horrifying layers of old skin and distasteful make-up that apparently came from a line of make-up called: "Why bother". It was burning my eyes with each glance. To be shallow for mere moments, her presence was pratically putrid. She wasn't exactly the kindest creature either. Touring us with an iron fist and a whip below her left calf.
Anyways, it was the observatory. Or some kind of Imax theatre, that we stumbled in with impatience. To be in detail and explicit, it's where you look up and gaze for hours upon a collection of spectacular stars and you learn about them and the constellations that compose and make up the past's imagination.
"Hey, Fletch. Is that you?" whispered a familiar voice from behind. I turned around to notice that my childhood friend, Britney came to the Planetarium. At least I was able to relate my suffering with someone. I felt a drape of relief cower before me.
"Hey! There you are. Where have you been? I didn't notice you before."
She giggled a little bit and leaned back, winking an innocent wink: "I snuck off to check out some other places." She's always like that. Breaking rules to repel off that incurable infection of curiosity. She's the more adventurious and exotic side of me. If I had another side, I suppose.
The light slowly began to dimmer and the show began straight off the bat. I got a look at my surroundings and my eyes widened with baffeleness and incomprehensible theories on why this person was right next to me. Melissa, with her eyes twinkling to learn more and a smile that shone like a star of it's own.
Seconds and minutes twirled by me as I couldn't concentrate. Sweat of nervousness explored down my neck. Her left eye plopped off the screen and glanced over to me. Redness filled my head and I flinched long enough for her to realize I was staring right into her. I felt a bubble of humiliation and embarrasment spawn from my fast-beating heart.
Quickly, the seats tumbled back so we wouldn't put our neck in a stiff part. Imagine how many complaints they'd get otherwise.
The tour's voice got a bit different and they tried to add a little comedy with some cliche jokes and some bad puns. I was rolling my eyes so much, you'd think I was having a seizure. Naturally, I heard many giggles from my left. A giggle that could bloom many melodies. I melted on the spot, despite the fact that she was a victim of bad taste in humor. And don't get me on the part about Uranus.
Meteors occasionally flew by to add realism. I was constantly foolishing hoping for the evident event to happen. And somehow... it did!
Moment onward, I gripped onto the hand-rest with my freezing palms. They were constantly being tormented by the high level of air conditioning. I shivered from time to time 'till I felt a burst of warmth surge from my hands to my heart. I didn't dare look beside me. To ruin the one moment I have dwelled upon in my deepest imagination. The warmth of her hand was almost unbearable. I almost fainted when I had the audacity to actually cocked my head to the left.
There she was Melissa. She tilted her head and simply smiled. I was baffeled. My hand slowly began to become a jigsaw puzzle. Letting her slip each and every finger into each ajar hole between my fingers. I gulped a hard gulp, I didn't know what to do, but do nothing. I heard a sweet sigh from Melissa, I think. I was hooked and almost lured instantly after that breath creeeped out of her plum and riped lips of her's. Time after time, I was hoping for Einstein's theory of relativity to cripple over this once everlasting moment of love.
But it didn't, sadly, it didn't and we held hands in the darkness, because inside it was blazing with pure light... 'till we found the exit. Then, seconds later. I was abandoned and left in the reality of the real world.
Sceptimism overcame me as I stared emptingly at Melissa and her group of idiotic judgemental friends. All pointing in my direction (or rather at me). I was lost trying to cope with what was happening. Was this fantasy or an immature cruelty currently occuring? Before, I could convince myself either or neither. I was ambushed by one I could trust:
"Hey you, how did you find the show" -Britney interrogated with amusement.
I looked behind me and just smiled with a touch of distraction and gave her a lame thumbs-up.
"I learnt something there, for once."
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Posted: Fri Jul 07, 2006 4:53 pm
___#12
"Hey, Hey!" The guard slapped his weapon between my bars. "Ya got a visitor, ********> He snickered with his unoriginal insults. I ached into a standing position, and turned my head to the light of my cell. It was her. She stood there timidly and her eyes began to well up with anxiety and fear.
I hissed and glowered and returned to the dark abyss of my corner. A step echoed through the silenced hallways as she entered slowly more and more into my territory. The walls were embedded with notes of suffering and torment that could provoke anyone to go beyond the cliff of insanity. Scars of my eternal and internal hate revealed hints on my crippled fingers and bruised cheeks.
A tarnished journal fluttered with the empty wind that often peered upon my depressing tantrums.
Another step ventured forward and her voice weakened with each syllable, "H-How have you been?"
I whispered something she probably couldn't recognize. Two more echoes provoked me. "I-I've missed you." Her voice began to crumble into a whisper as she approached slowly. Who was she exactly?
She was the light that evaporates my tears.
"Just t-tell me why?"
I began to think about confessing why I held the title of a traitor to our nation, but the iron bars that separate me from my world distorted my good judgment.
"Don't you ever get tired of thinking of the worst of people?"
A grin crept onto my chapped lips as I trembled with a giggle or two. I snickered before responding coldly, boring deep into her queasy and unsettled heart: "I only get tired of being right..."
She tripped back a few steps and her skirt began to slide down with appeal. I felt temptation surge into my mind. I reached out while a trail of drool began to slither down my chin.
She scrambled back desperately as I grasped onto her protruding breasts and brought myself back to reality and hid my face from her presence. Huffs and sighs of relief emerged from her mouth sporadically and I felt the need to thank her with a little anecdote.
***
"There is no light without dark" That phrase rambled on through my head as we played our role in the war.
"War is nothing but a clash of two selfish men and their ideals for dominations and rulings..." That too integrated itself into my blood-thirsty mind. I clamped and clung onto my sole friend, a rifle, as we waved and gave a salute to our allies and their departing ship.
We were 12 all together, keeping watch for any enemies that dared to take refuge here.
We ended as one...
The island was just a preview of my time here in this asylum. The ocean, nothing but natural barricades that keeps me from escaping and slapping any logical theory and sane thought back at me with a vicious snicker.
The woods were constantly tugging us to the edge of exhaustion. Our supplies already dissolved into nothing and my body yearned for what was now a far-away dream. The applause of bullets we once heard in the distance at the beginning of this dreadful adventure were emptied out with what we deduced as the end of war.
The war was over and soon forgotten, and so were some soldiers who still thought their lives were at risk. Desperation for food soon renewed that risk. In due time, in due time...
Days folded into weeks and weeks folded into months. The remaining of us scavaged for natural plants or bugs. We had scarce amount of clean water and soon our own excretions looked like a tasty treat.
And soon, a beast came over me and I turned my body around to face my allies. My finger twitched rapidly with eagerness as bullets clashed into many of my comrades' bodies. My hunger had digested me, and it was now on the rampage.
Within a few violent minutes, the dark deed was terminated and I had survived my own pursuit for food. Rivers of blood gushed out of the twitched bodies and dyed the river. Giddy at how much I had to eat, I snacked on the limbs without hesitation. My heart skipped as I silenced the beast in me. Only a yelp from a weak man nicked my heart.
Bones piled as I sucked up the last of the small intestines. The scene was putrid and I almost rejected what I had just done, mentally and almost physically.
It wasn't until I began scraping the bones and licking leftovers and dangling pieces of muscle that a fleet of men strolled by my way. Their looks at my surroundings carved deeply in me and flow even now through my veins. Even today, I still have to dodge spears of constant whispers of disgust and stares of shame piercing me with guilt. It seems survival wasn't in any of their vocabulary
***
My story ended with a malicious small giggle as I touched my tongue onto her rosy cheeks. Adorable little child.
Before the guard returned, she slipped me a single tear, pure with sorrow and anguish for those men. I recoiled back to my spot like a cockroach that is repelled by anything pure. Her eyes widened and whispered softly from afar...
"I forgive you."
and soon after her shadow dissipated into the reality of the outside world.
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