I am confused, I just scared the hell out of myself.

[Arrea Delano]

I am happy to say I have stopped cutting for several years now, but I am ashamed to say whenever I break down or become depressed, it is always the first thing I go to. I honestly make myself sick sometimes. Whenever I became depressed or I break down, I will run and get my knife. I recently gave my knife away to my boyfriend, today I broke down, then went running through the kitchen trying to find anything that would do desent damage. I was on the phone with a friend luckly. I turned on some depressing music, not the best thing to do, then I just held the knife in my hands. I was just staring at it. I started shaking, an inner war was going on inside me. I could sense demons around me, just taunting me. My head started to spin and buzz with all these thoughts and sounds. I heard demons, so I am guessing it was them. I just grabbed my head and sat there, crying, trying to make the pain go away, the longing to get rid of my pain. I just couldn't hurt myself, I rebuked, and the demons went away. My friend helped me alot, without him, I would have probably hurt myself. I don't think he knows what happened, I hope he never knows, it just makes me so ashamed  

[Litia_Echo]

I've had many experiences like that. I can't really say, oh its this one thing. At least you can say God was with you for sure, because its extremely hard not to cut just on your own and rebuke demons on your own. I shaken to the point where I couldn't breathe before, so when stuff like your story happen I pray in tounges. I think it was an attack from Satan, God allowed of course, cause He knew you could make it through, and see you did. With that, it strengthens you for the next time. Just my thoughts.  

[Arrea Delano]

Thanks, it was like that too. I couldn't breath. Then I just had a dream that may relate to it. I don't know. I was just sufficating. I woke up holding my throat and gasping for air. Something was choking me in my sleep. That's what it seems like.  

[Litia_Echo]

Pray before you go to bed! That way something like that won't happen again, like pray for God to control your dreams and what happens, pray for the Holy Spirit to have His way in your dream and rebuke anything demonic and not of God that might try to attack you in your dream. Cause I have had many thigns like taht happen in my sleep too.
Like one time I had a friend praying for me, and she started casting out satanic and demonic stuff from me. (was once involved in satanic stuff) and I start shaking again and I could breath and it felt the way you said it did when you woke from your dream. But I was awake the whole time, it was scary.  

[Arrea Delano]

You are very helpful. I also used to be in satanic stuff, as well as Wiccan stuff. I just started having memories. It wasn't a dream, it was real. My throat is sore and I have marks on my neck from where something grabbed me. I should pray more, that's a problem I have. Praying. A demon attacked me twice and it was the same bloody one. I woke up early in the morning around 3 am and I didn't think anything of it. I just couldn't go back to sleep, now I know why. I remembered opening my eyes some and gasping, then seeing this creature's face, his arms, and feeling his hands on my throat. I prayed and it went away, then I woke up. I stayed up until 8 am, then I ended up falling asleep again. I kept waking up every 30 minutes, with that same feeling of something grabbing my throat. I just realized what it was while I was thinking and remembering. What's strange is I don't feel any fear of these creatures anymore. I never thought anything like this would happen to me of all people.  

[Tarani Sarihi]

I can't say I have the exact problem but I've went through something like this. When worst comes to worst I always think of my favorite (happy) song. I don't know if this would work for you but maybe it's an idea you could maybe try. Another thing is probably just talk to God about it. Like if he's sitting right in front of you or something.  

[thrashmetaljunkie]

Hey babe ^^. My mom just told a bunch of stuff with all that. Like you said, rebuke. What you need to do is put on the armor of God. And as for the cutting, once you put on that armor, the things that make you want 2, will go away. Because God will protect you...which is something i've been trying to tell you for the past 2 days...neways, God loves you, he dosent want any harm to come to you, just ask him to help you when you get that urge, he'll b there. he promised he would...^^ *huggles*  

[LittlePinky82]

I am not any type of PHD but I do remember you talking about this before and debating with yourself to give your boyfriend your knife etc. I think you just probably had a lot of tension inside of you and needed to release it. I would suggest having some type of activity that you can replace instead. If you really need help try seeing a counsler or at least talking to someone about it. I remember on a show one time a girl had a cutting problem and they had the character put a rubber band on her wrist and every time she felt the urge to cut she would slap the band against her wrist. Maybe you can try that???  

[LittlePinky82]

Litia_Echo

I've had many experiences like that. I can't really say, oh its this one thing. At least you can say God was with you for sure, because its extremely hard not to cut just on your own and rebuke demons on your own. I shaken to the point where I couldn't breathe before, so when stuff like your story happen I pray in tounges. I think it was an attack from Satan, God allowed of course, cause He knew you could make it through, and see you did. With that, it strengthens you for the next time. Just my thoughts.

I personally get tired of people blaming Satan for everything. Think of it this way. When you're on a diet and you're not eating any sweets what happens after a while? Your body craves for something sweet and then you take one bite of something sweet, like chocolate, and then you're wanting more and more. I do believe there is a Satan but I think people give them more power then what they have quite honestly.  

[LittlePinky82]

Crimson_Enigma

Thanks, it was like that too. I couldn't breath. Then I just had a dream that may relate to it. I don't know. I was just sufficating. I woke up holding my throat and gasping for air. Something was choking me in my sleep. That's what it seems like.

Very interesting. Did you feel any type of weird feelings? Sometimes when there is a negative spirit around I feel this very weird feeling. One time this powerful negative spirit came to my room and attacked me and I couldn't breathe for a few seconds. I thought I was going to die but luckily I called for help and got it and I also fought this being off. I've never had problems since. If you think it's spiritually related you can put a protective shield over yourself. Just vision in your inner eye yourself and that you have a white light over you. The brighter the light the more powerful the shield. It does make all the difference. I can still feel things (spirits) but none can do anything like that to me.  

[Arrea Delano]

LittlePinky82

Crimson_Enigma

Thanks, it was like that too. I couldn't breath. Then I just had a dream that may relate to it. I don't know. I was just sufficating. I woke up holding my throat and gasping for air. Something was choking me in my sleep. That's what it seems like.

Very interesting. Did you feel any type of weird feelings? Sometimes when there is a negative spirit around I feel this very weird feeling. One time this powerful negative spirit came to my room and attacked me and I couldn't breathe for a few seconds. I thought I was going to die but luckily I called for help and got it and I also fought this being off. I've never had problems since. If you think it's spiritually related you can put a protective shield over yourself. Just vision in your inner eye yourself and that you have a white light over you. The brighter the light the more powerful the shield. It does make all the difference. I can still feel things (spirits) but none can do anything like that to me.

The only thing I felt was the little slimmy, bast... fingers around my throat. Forgive me if I sound rude, but I usually wake up right away. I am a light sleeper. I started to wake up and saw this little greenish, red thing with its arms infront of it, and it's hands on my throat. It's little fangs were just taunting me. I don't know if that's exactly what it looks like, I passed out, or fell back to sleep. And I haven't slept all night and it is now almost 5 am. Freaking demons.  

[reddy4nething]

Whenever you get depressed and feel like cutting yourself,talk to God.....it might help or u can talk 2 that friend of urz.....and when the demons taunt u again ask God to make them go away  

[Rikku311]

thats happened to me before. and my friend helped me too and when i told her our friendship became even stronger, so u might want to tell him. but then it happened again and noone could help so i just layed down with my hands held high and cried out to Jesus. really ask him to come down to carry you and just pray about everything and thank him always and u will feel so so much better.  

[With_Niwa]

Oh, my dear!
I used to have things like that a lot.
It was always when I was involved with that same religion you were into before (my computer has weird controls on it that no one put there so it wont let me say it o_0).
The night when I decided to come back to Christ was probably one of the worst nights of my life. It was like a battle between * s (roar) and angels all inside of me- the air was just suffocating in the room. I began to shake-almost violently. Gosh it was so scary.
I began to pray outloud and pretty much said "okay, God you win" haha. :ahem: sorry.
But honestly, dear I know how you feel for the most part.
Make sure that you have gotten rid of everything from the other religion. Any little thing may be acting as a doorway-letting unwanted things into your life.
I had many sleepless nights before I finally figured that out, and still have a hard time with that.

Rebuking and prayer are the most helpful things you can do. Something that may help is to have others you know- maybe some people from your church if possible? (if you attend one that is)- gather together and have them pray over you.
I, myself, could not sleep alone for quite some time.
Yes, my mother slept in my room with me hahaha.
But it honeslty helped- whenever I got scared or felt something strange, I had her pray with me, and it gradually got better.

Because you were involved with * , you allowed some things to enter your life that you may, or may not, have known about. The cruel fact is: * s- no matter how much they * you- will do anything, ANYTHING, to keep you away from God. Anything that will give you doubts, or question your faith pretty much gives them a reason to, well, party. Something else my mom just read about was putting on Praise and Worship music. They despise that! It doesnt matter how soft or loud it is, they can hear it.
Who knows- it may just help you to feel better too! ^_^

 

[somebodys_PeNgUIN]

Just FYI - I only read the first post so that's what I'm commenting on eek ...

Ok, so down to business...

You seem to be going through what I call "Old-Habits-Die-Hard" Syndrom, but you also seem to be doing very well. Cutting off the cutting and refusing the urge to do so every time it comes up is quite commendable, and I have to say I am impressed with your commitment to staying away from the blade. All I can say that might help any more with the urges is to vent to God whenever something comes up. His ear is always open to whatever problems you might be dealing with or grief that's weighing down your heart. Just let him know what's going on, ya know? Of course, I am assuming here, that you are a Christian (since this is a Christian guild and also because you mentioned demons earlier). So, in short my best advice I can give you is to pray and then listen for a reply. Cracking open the Word is a good idea too. You'd be surprised what kind of relevance any passage might have to your situation if you read into it. Also, positive, uplifting music might be better as well eek

I hope that's of some help along the road to total perseverance. Just remember to keep your chin up, no matter what life sees fit to burden you with.

You'll be in my thoughts and prayers smile