Welcome to Gaia! ::

Alright, well... this might be a little long.

I'll start with what kind of relationship I'm in.

I'm with a boyfriend who I love being with when we go out places. Everywhere I go with him, he's just like a best friend to me. He treats me gently and is caring, and socially charismatic. He likes taking me out places and introducing me to his friends. He doesn't get jealous easily, and he's generous.

The thing is, I'm terrified when I'm left alone with him. As soon as I have my moment alone with him, the last thing on my mind is making out with him. I'm always turned off by his behavior. All I wish when I'm alone with him is to have someone else in the room with us so I can feel safe again.

He puts his hands down my pants and underwear all the time, and I always say "No", but he does it anyway. I squirm and I automatically grab his wrists to pull him away from me, but since he is stronger he resists and continues doing what he wants. Every single day I'm with him he also asks for me to give him oral, or vice versa. Often I find that when I fall asleep he will do things to me that I can't even explain on here in detail. I can't even fall asleep next to him because he keeps me awake by giving me unwanted physical and sexual contact that is highly uncomfortable.

It's gone to the point where I can't even stand kissing him anymore. It disgusts me and I always push him off me, but he finds that I'm acting cute and I'm not being serious when I tell him no all the time. Am I being too pushy? I'm very affectionate and loving, but I don't know what to do when he acts so sexually casual around me. If I also refuse to give him a hand job, he will grab my wrists and do it for me. He gropes me as casually as a handshake. He also begs for "kisses" every single time. He bargains with me that if I kiss him, it'll go away.

I'm hurting deeply, and I don't know what to do, because I do have an attachment to him. He is perfectly normal every where else, but when I'm alone with him, it's a completely different story.

I'm still a virgin so I can't say I've been raped, but it still feels like I've been stripped of all innocence anyway.

What should I do?

Leave him thats what I would do.

You need to leave him. He's sexually abusing you and that is NOT appropriate. It's YOUR body, not his. He has no right to touch you the way he does when you don't want it. Leave him and make sure you tell others what happens/ed in private with him. If you need to, press charges against him. It sounds like he needs a large slice of reality handed to him and you're the perfect one to give it to him.

Get some help, it's always better to be safe than sorry.