For years I've been extremly shy and isolated. I've always been sensitive and havn't had very many friends. I'm extremly stubborn and I always tend to think that my way is best. I have detailed conversations with my reflection and confide in my favorite doll, Josefina, when I'm upset... but thats just how I've always been...
Its getting worse. I've always been an A+ student, but this year I nearly failed a couple of my classes. I've always had low blood pressure, its genetic, but now I black out nearly every day. I can't concentrate on anything but drawing and reading... those are the only things that can make all of my worries seem to disapear... I love to learn new things, I'm a very avid researcher, But after I've done all that research, I can't put it on paper...
Oh, who am I kidding. I'm only scraping the surface.
I get panic attacks associated with getting up and talking in public. Example: we had to do a re- enactment of a historic event in class and there were only four female roles. More than half of the class was girls. When I couldn't get a female part, I was told that I would have to take a male role like most of the other girls in the class. Did I mention that this play was two test grades? I couldn't take it. My mind told me that a girl playing a guy, especially me playing a guy, was just plain wrong and that I had to find I way to get out of it. I told myself that I had to get a grip or I would fail the class. I ended up just curling up at my desk in front of the entire class and having a panic attack.
I also have the wierdest pet peeves in the world, and even wierder habits
Problem: seeing things (other than my room) that need to be cleaned makes me twitch
Solution: Cleaning spree
Problem: I'm scared of people accidentally barging in on me in the bath room
Solution:Lock the bathroom door three times. If locked more than three times you must start over.
You get the Idea
And last but not least... I can't talk about it! the only person I can stand to talk about things like this with is my best friend(who just so happens to be on vacation in florida at the moment). My parents think I'm their perfect little angel. If I try to tell them that I need help, they'll probably think I'm kidding. Plus, my parents just plain scare me with all of their, "You can always come to us if you need help" and "you make us so proud!" And whenever I do anything wrong, my dad start talking about me like I'm not even there... things like "she thinks she can get away with whatever she wants" or "she never apreciates anything we do for her" and my mom just sits there frowning and nodding... It really makes me feel bad.
Its getting worse. I've always been an A+ student, but this year I nearly failed a couple of my classes. I've always had low blood pressure, its genetic, but now I black out nearly every day. I can't concentrate on anything but drawing and reading... those are the only things that can make all of my worries seem to disapear... I love to learn new things, I'm a very avid researcher, But after I've done all that research, I can't put it on paper...
Oh, who am I kidding. I'm only scraping the surface.
I get panic attacks associated with getting up and talking in public. Example: we had to do a re- enactment of a historic event in class and there were only four female roles. More than half of the class was girls. When I couldn't get a female part, I was told that I would have to take a male role like most of the other girls in the class. Did I mention that this play was two test grades? I couldn't take it. My mind told me that a girl playing a guy, especially me playing a guy, was just plain wrong and that I had to find I way to get out of it. I told myself that I had to get a grip or I would fail the class. I ended up just curling up at my desk in front of the entire class and having a panic attack.
I also have the wierdest pet peeves in the world, and even wierder habits
Problem: seeing things (other than my room) that need to be cleaned makes me twitch
Solution: Cleaning spree
Problem: I'm scared of people accidentally barging in on me in the bath room
Solution:Lock the bathroom door three times. If locked more than three times you must start over.
You get the Idea
And last but not least... I can't talk about it! the only person I can stand to talk about things like this with is my best friend(who just so happens to be on vacation in florida at the moment). My parents think I'm their perfect little angel. If I try to tell them that I need help, they'll probably think I'm kidding. Plus, my parents just plain scare me with all of their, "You can always come to us if you need help" and "you make us so proud!" And whenever I do anything wrong, my dad start talking about me like I'm not even there... things like "she thinks she can get away with whatever she wants" or "she never apreciates anything we do for her" and my mom just sits there frowning and nodding... It really makes me feel bad.
