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Ok, well I'm engaged now and I am twenty years old. My fiance and I have done...things. Just not actual intercourse.
Actually I'm afraid of sex. Not with him, its nothing about him. I love him and I want to be with him. I'm just terrified of it hurting. Hes big (all around, hes like 6'5 and 250 lbs. I can't really judge down there since his is the only one I've seen). I'm really small, like 5'5 and 100 lbs.
I love him so much, and I want to be able to do it. I want kids after all.
I dunno does anyone have an answers? I figured I'd post here since most of you have children and therefore have had sex. Sorry if this is the wrong area again.

For a little reassurance on the whole biological/anatomical side...

Lots and lots and LOOOOTTTTSS of women (myself included) are neither impressed nor comfortable their first time. It's sometimes painful (I mean how could it not be with all the pressure mentally and the awkwardness of all those knees and elbows and other things needing to be where it's supposed to) and it's almost always sorta short and you don't really know how to get yourself off through intercourse so you're like...uh...okay what?

There are all kinds of positions where he can be on top and not put any weight on you, and all sorts of positions where you can be on top (and generally girl on top gives you the control over penetration depth, and whatnot).

Also, we need to take a moment to wonder in that thing that is the v****a, because it's pretty awesome in it's ability to stretch to accomodate just about anything of any size as long as you slow enough (I don't mean to make this sound really dirty or kinky, I just mean as long as he's smaller than the size of a 10 lb infant's head you're not going to have LOTS of problems accomodating him sexually).

So I'd give the sex therapist a go, and also make "practice makes perfect" your mantra.

It's not odd. The hormone released during orgasam known as Oxytocin is responsible for uterine contractions. It's the same one that is released in higher doses at labor. Sometimes even when non pregnant after orgasam can be uncomfortable, or painful, or just plain weird feeling due to these uterine contractions.



Just so you know, I got that you hadn't had sex with him yet.

xd ...



^_^ Ame, I didnt really do that "teengaery" stuff either..

I'm about the same size as your Fiance, and my Girlfriend is abit smaller thant you (5' on the dot.).. we dont really like the idea of it hurting, but like Nopenname said : "Also, we need to take a moment to wonder in that thing that is the v****a, because it's pretty awesome in it's ability to stretch to accomodate just about anything of any size as long as you slow enough"

It may just be uncomfortable for a bit... but if you get 'warmed up' so to speek before it should help?

As the ladies have advised: a Sex therapist is probably a good idea

Yeah if you're so worked up over it that you can't put a tampon in then perhaps the sex therapist is the BEST bet.

You might even find a counselor who can talk to you through an organization like planned parenthood or community health depending where you live. They're not going to EXACTLY be like the sex therapist but they'll be better equipped to discuss and answer any and all "uncomfortable" questions you might have. AND anyone you can talk to who'll make this whole process seem more normal, easy, and relaxed, is probably a good idea.

Ame I have to agree with everyone and say you should certainly talk to a therapist. Because you mentioned not being able to put a tampon in, I'd like also like to share some info, and my story.

When I got married I was a virgin. My mother had never allowed us to use tampons, because she had some crazy idea that we needed to preserve our hymen (she is from central america, it's a big deal there). Everybody always says it is supposed to hurt the first time, so when on my honeymoon I was rather uncomfortable, I thought no big. However it continued to hurt, and then the pain incresed each time. Sadly (and frankly stupidly) I just told myself this is how it is. I was also unable to use tampons. They just wouldn't go or if they did stay in.
Finally after about 3 months, I said something to my mother. Mom being very open about sex and alway putting great importance on a woman enjoying it, called her gyn to make me an appointment that day. Also not to smart on my part, at 21 and already married, this was my first pelvic, eek I know. So we did some tests and the concusion was that I had vaginismus. A condition which effects thousands of women and is easy to work past. It is basically spams in the v****a. It is most common in women who have suffered a trama (such as rape) or those with a strict religous up bringing. I was neither of these. I was simply very shy, and uneasy about sex. Even growing up in an extremely open minded family, I was always really embarrassed about sex. (now you may not be, but being every nerves could certainly 'cause issues).
The treatment started out as the single most embarrassing experiance of my life. It involved bio-feed back. So having a physical threpist, put a sensor in my v****a, and then it showed a read out of my muscle activity, so I could learn to relax. I also had to perchase a d***o and practice with it. redface (for me this was a fate worse than death). During this whole time I wasn't allowed to have intercourse with the hubby, and my mother so sweetly told everybody in the family about it. Thanks! When everyone was supportive about it, it really helped too. I start to get so used to the whole thing that I wasn't embarrassing anymore. However it wasn't just about getting past my shyness, I had to retrain my muscles. Long story short it turn out to be the best thing I could have done for myself. The treatment helped me to get past all my issues. Turns out I was having bladder trouble too, from being so up tight.
There a tons of women out there dealing with this issue and they don't even know it. This may not be an issue for you, but incase there is someone who this might help I wanted to share. Even if you don't have this it is always better to open up and seek help. You shouldn't have to be affraid of sex. We are lucky to live in a day and age when we don't have to be ashamed, and where there is tons of help out there for what ever issues we are facing as women. And boy am I glad we do! blaugh

more info on vaginismis

Yeah I know. I was like say what? It's not for the embarrassment though it's for the muscle spams which you can't control, and by the time it has become a problem your body needs to be retrained.

PS ha ha you said Taco, just like Sascha! xd

I can honestly say that from the first time, I have never hurt. The man in my life took his time and I usually take over. I had the same question back then when his big was in front of me and at that moment I just told him how I felt about his bigness and then thought Hmmm, what if we try it when he is soft and gradually gets bigger until he fill up.? *giggling* I know this sounds silly but it is real and after I bluntly told him what I felt, he controlled it for me so he stayed soft and girl, was it nice. He was not long but fat and when we both worked at it slowly and knowing he is controlling it for me that was a big turn on for both of us.
Myself, I am a very open and honest person. I don't hide much when I am thinking of things. I can tell you that I haven't had many lovers but those I have had even my X says he doesn't understand why sex with me took him to a natural extasy euphoria.