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Tags: goth, subculture, alternative 

Reply Art / Poetry / Literature - Related Topics
a song/poem i wrote, can i please get feedback?

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the song lyrics are...
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_Built_to_Offend_666

PostPosted: Sun Jun 11, 2006 1:35 pm


can someone tell me if this poem/song i wrote sucks or not?



A WORLD THAT CANNOT EXIST

Look at the shining stars
Look at the plastic ringworm
Look at the Earth-bound Mars
Look at my edible form

Look at the singing maggots
Look at the blood-stained rose
Look at the spider's spigot
Look at my neon pose

Look at the playing people
Look at the twilight fear
Look at the flashing cradle
Look at my only ear
PostPosted: Mon Jun 12, 2006 5:48 pm


I like it. It has very sing songy feel to it, but there are some phrases that I do not understand. Like:
"Look at my neon pose,"
and
"Look at my edible form."

Laharl Part Deux


_Built_to_Offend_666

PostPosted: Sat Jun 17, 2006 12:46 pm


Laharl Part Dux
I like it. It has very sing songy feel to it, but there are some phrases that I do not understand. Like:
"Look at my neon pose,"
and
"Look at my edible form."


to truly explain those lines would require me to start an explanation of the song. Of coarse it was meant to have multiple possible interpretations, so explaning it really could take up alot of room and I doubt you or anyone would really have the patience to read all that,lol.

short summarized version:

'neon pose' is metaphorical of multiple things. One main connect being how the world is obsessed with aesthetics. You can't pose like a color, but if it meant giving a better image, most of the world would probably try. Neon was chosen because it often glows in the dark and sticks out, displaying how we all want to get noticed and leave our mark on this "world that cannot exist".

'look at my edible form' is symbolic irony of how people truly beleive how important they are. They take their beliefs, even though there are billions of other contradictory beleifs, think they are so damn right that they can impose beleifs onto others with laws and regulations based on those values. 'edible' means it has weakness and even more powerfully implies it will likely be destroyed in process of supplying energy to another being. It basically is saying that we all die and are all fallible and fragile beings whom are just pawns in the systems of the universe.
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Art / Poetry / Literature - Related Topics

 
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