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Tuesday, 13th December, 1378 G.O. Winter

Today is still cold. Colder and colder each day.

Adriana seems depressed for a while.
I asked but she never told me why.
Just said "It's nothing."
I know she's lying... but not wanna push her further...

Rance called for another gig.
Why can't the bloke go solo?

Grant called in this evening for New Year house party too.
Where on earth do they got money for party...

Sunday, 25th December, 1378 G.O. Winter
- Christmas -

It's snowing since morning.
Clear sky but didn't make me feel good at all.

Lovers and families happily passing by.
But Adriana seems sad all the time.
We reached the fountain.
No word during the past 2 hours.
She sighed for a thousand time.
Then she broke it out.

She returned my necklace.
Her eyes filled with tear.
She broke up with me saying I was never happy being with her.
And she didn't wanna force me.
She's sad to see me unhappy.
We'd better be apart.

I was silent. No reply.
Not shocked. But what she said is true...
I've been dating her for almost half a year. But she never fulfill the hole in my soul.
No one... ever complete it...

No soothing words.
Time passed. Only Adriana's weeping echoed in the air.
Christmas carols sounded around us didn't make any good.

I could only sit silently by her.
The crowd grew thin. Streetlamps faded.
Adriana said goodbye not long after that.

I... am a filth.
Sorry... millions words of sorry was never enough... for her shattered heart.
For the strong woman who lost so many tears for a worthless filth like me...

Saturday, 31st December, 1378 G.O. Winter
- New Year's Eve -

New Year's Eve...
Grant had me help prepare the party since noon......

Why the hell do I have to help ......... ?

Rance is not at the scene.
Looks like the brat's friends are fund providers.
Grant said NY party is not bad as long as it's free. That's really Rance's bro.

Jereon dropped by at 3 pm to leave a book for Rance and left.
Hmm? How to Plant a Tree? What is he gonna do with this? -___-"
Anyway, Rance is home around 2 hours after Jereon left.
He said... he had asked Adriana to come but she refused...
It's better if she wants it that way...

I was at the party till 10 pm.
Actually wanna leave when Rance came but the brat dragged me to join a boost.
Somehow alcohol helps relieve my distress
But not always...

I felt too tired to join the Countdown...
Maybe... I gotto stay away from others... until the guilt is gone...

This New Year starts off not quite pleasant...

Tuesday, 17th January, 1379 G.O. Winter

Almost return to my previous self.
Staying at home for a long time is unhealthy.

Having nothing to do, I decided to rearrange the house.
Took Adriana's bonsai into dining room.
Actually... it's her gift in return for the necklace I gave her.
I asked whether she wanna take it back...
But she prefered me to keep it. She said she has no time to look after it...

It took me a whole day to finish the rearrangement.
Grant called at late night. What the hell is he babbling about?
Guess he's drunk and gave me a prank call...

Friday, 27th January, 1379 G.O. Winter

Grant came honking at my door since morning.
Before I could ask him why on earth he's here, he dragged me out.
Destination... Rance's place...

Alcohol hit my nose as I stepped in.
Rance was limping on the table. Emptied Scotch bottle in hand and a pile more littered around him.
The brat said he found him in this mess when he reached home.
That's very unusual for Rance... What happened to him?

At last I waited at Rance's side.
The brat gotto leave for work.
But he couldn't leave his brother alone like this.
I had no choice...

Rance woke up at late morning.
I asked what's wrong...
He kept muted.. and finally cried.

... Why did you hurt her, Zsolt? I thought she would be happy with you the best...

Rance kept repeating it over and over.
This time... it's me who became mute.
I'm... out of answer. Nor excuses.
Rance stopped...
Silence veiled between us.
Then he said... he's sorry...

"...You must have your own reason... I'm sorry to bother you..."
No... I deserve it. If he ever beat the crap outa me, it's still not enough for the misdeed I've done....

I should go to see Adriana...

Tuesday, 31st January, 1379 G.O. Winter

Jereon came.
Saying something strange as usual. Why does he always make it so complicated?
But... he said... he's seen Adriana.
Don't worry about her... she's fine...?
... Though I doubt him... Jereon's word is trustworthy.
I told him to tell Rance and Grant. They are very anxious about her.
He said ok... I handed him the necklace Adriana returned me on Christmas day.
And asked him to deliver it to her with my message It'd be best if you keep it.
Jereon complied without reply.

Though I kept that necklace to myself... it'd be no good...
It'd remind me of my guilt... I'd be more happy to see her have it...

Tuesday, 14th February, 1379 G.O. Winter
- Valentine's Day -

Adriana's servant -- butler -- came since morning.
With a huge box of chocolate...
from Adriana...

Sorry I've made you worried.
I just want to have some time to myself.
Thank you for the necklace.

-Adriana-
is her message in the attached card.

At noon Grant dragged me out to sell chocolate again.
No use to protest as he never listen anyway...

After work the brat got an armful of choco from female customers. I got a few.
He smirked saying looks who's the most popular.
I swear I'll cast him away on a remote island someday.

Rance was very excited Adriana also sent him and Grant choco.
Though we didn't see her... at least we're relieved she's ok now.