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| Would you like to read more of my pieces? |
| YES!! you totally rock! |
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| Maybe Later |
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| YOU SUCK! |
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| Maybe when I am in a different mood |
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| *Shrug* |
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| Other |
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| Total Votes : 9 |
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 Posted: Tue Aug 31, 2004 9:46 am
I am going to post some of my poems on here, so if you like my style, you know where to come to... If you are looking for more, goto:
www.allpoetry.com/poets/iluvwritin
Hating A Ghost
I can feel you watching me,
Watching right over my shoulder.
I turn around
To see that you aren’t there.
How much I wish to see you,
One more sparkling eye,
Why did you have to leave?
Why did you have to die?
I can feel your presence,
You are watching over me.
I blame mistakes on you,
I am now on one knee.
You were my hopes,
You were my dreams,
You were my friend,
Your heart was bursting at its seams.
I now hate a ghost,
I am alone.
Couldn't you have picked a better time?
Not over the phone.
I could hear your struggle,
I had failed to help.
You were nice to everyone,
I can only blame myself.
If you could only see,
The people that appreciated you,
All of those destined to help,
And those that loved you too.
The whole class,
And more,
Showed up at your funeral,
They didn’t expect you dead on your floor.
You have wasted your life,
I suppose the noose only tightened.
You last days were dark,
Nothing a sun could have brightened.
I hate a ghost,
How could you have gone?
There is no one else here,
How can I go on?
I would kill myself,
But I know what I would miss,
A life to live,
Far away from death’s kiss.
I still blame you,
For the pain that you caused,
But, you will still be my friend,
Even though your life has been paused.
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Posted: Tue Aug 31, 2004 9:55 am
mymaleaccount I am going to post some of my poems on here, so if you like my style, you know where to come to... If you are looking for more, goto: www.allpoetry.com/poets/iluvwritin Hating A Ghost I can feel you watching me, Watching right over my shoulder. I turn around To see that you aren’t there. How much I wish to see you, One more sparkling eye, Why did you have to leave? Why did you have to die? I can feel your presence, You are watching over me. I blame mistakes on you, I am now on one knee. You were my hopes, You were my dreams, You were my friend, Your heart was bursting at its seams. I now hate a ghost, I am alone. Couldn't you have picked a better time? Not over the phone. I could hear your struggle, I had failed to help. You were nice to everyone, I can only blame myself. If you could only see, The people that appreciated you, All of those destined to help, And those that loved you too. The whole class, And more, Showed up at your funeral, They didn’t expect you dead on your floor. You have wasted your life, I suppose the noose only tightened. You last days were dark, Nothing a sun could have brightened. I hate a ghost, How could you have gone? There is no one else here, How can I go on? I would kill myself, But I know what I would miss, A life to live, Far away from death’s kiss. I still blame you, For the pain that you caused, But, you will still be my friend, Even though your life has been paused. By the way: I am a girl 14/f/WI to be exact.. this is just my male account!
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Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2004 4:37 pm
I am just going to add another poem, if nobody replies, I might just quit the guild, not just because of this single insident, but I have noticed a lot of inactivity! But, I bet if I were a mod, I would definitely make this a better guild!
Hated and Loved
I still have tears to cry,
Even though my eyes are dry.
I lie here awake,
Even though sleep beckons.
I try to think of you,
Even though my mind is clear of thoughts.
I am trying to snap out of reality,
Even though it is all just a dream.
I see you standing there,
Even though I am alone.
I feel as though I hurt,
Even though I am not wounded.
I can only see you,
Even though I am blinded by your love.
I try to help where help is needed,
Even though I am helpless myself.
I am chilled by the night air,
Even though the sun beats down on me.
I draw closer everyday,
Even though I am never near.
I want to love with my heart,
Even though it is broken.
I see that you love me,
Even though you had hurt me.
I want to run away,
Even though my feet won’t move.
I can feel your love,
Even though I can feel your hate too.
I hated the way you treated me,
Even though it felt so natural.
I shouldn’t have been so naïve,
Even though I felt so wise.
I can’t believe what you did to me,
Even though I had felt it coming.
I am now going to walk away,
Even though I want to stay.
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Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2004 9:14 pm
I liked the second one better. I don't like how you'll sometimes rhyme, and sometimes not rhyme, all in one poem. I've always felt that you should decide to either rhyme or write freely, not switch between the two. There'd be a couple rhyming lines, and I'd be expecting the next lines to rhyme, and they wouldn't, and I'd be like, buh-what? And vice versa. Also the "not over the phone" line in the first poem seemed out of place to me, somehow. I liked the first half or so of the first poem, but towards the end it seemed to lose something. Hmm.
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Posted: Fri Sep 03, 2004 2:49 pm
Jhaela I liked the second one better. I don't like how you'll sometimes rhyme, and sometimes not rhyme, all in one poem. I've always felt that you should decide to either rhyme or write freely, not switch between the two. There'd be a couple rhyming lines, and I'd be expecting the next lines to rhyme, and they wouldn't, and I'd be like, buh-what? And vice versa. Also the "not over the phone" line in the first poem seemed out of place to me, somehow. I liked the first half or so of the first poem, but towards the end it seemed to lose something. Hmm. Okay, thank you for the comment! When I write I don't use a certain structure, that is how I atleast try to keep my poems unique, even though sometimes it doesn't work. And with the 'not over the phone' line, I have thought about changing it, but I am still debating on what I want to change it to. And sometimes when I seem to write longer poems, I seem to lose it at the end, but if I don't write it at its length, then I don't get my full message out, you know what I mean? Thank you so much for the comment! Every single one counts!
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Posted: Mon Sep 13, 2004 10:49 am
mymaleaccount The whole class, And more, Showed up at your funeral, They didn’t expect you dead on your floor.
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Posted: Mon Sep 27, 2004 2:31 pm
serpenteyes mymaleaccount The whole class, And more, Showed up at your funeral, They didn’t expect you dead on your floor. Thank you for the comment, I am planning on maybe adding another poem soon, I noticed that not too many people have liked my style, so maybe I will put something up that was of a different kind.. Because I have love, and naturistic and a whole buncha dark and stuff.. So yeah
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Posted: Sat Oct 09, 2004 12:13 pm
Why necissarily care what other people think about your work? If they like it, that's great for them and for you, but if they don't, that's their own problem. No one should have a lasting influence on how or what you write, just meaning people should tell you what to or not to write.
Write what you want, how you want. I personally like them both. In the end, rhyme or whatever may make the words smoother on the tongue and mind, but just because they're uneven or odd doesn't mean they don't get across the same meaning.
Again, what you want, how you want. Don't let anyone tell you different.
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Posted: Sun Oct 10, 2004 7:23 am
The first poem was good, it had a few points where the wording kinda went off. I think it was like the 3rd or 4th stanza. Where you said you were on one knee. If it was meant to rhyme it sounded really wrong. Your second one, well I have not started that one yet. As for the first one again, I loved the first 2 stanza's how they came together and stuff. Very nice.
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