Well, if you could tell by my Xanga, I'm not good at keeping diary things updated. So, I'll just post my problems.
Expect a lot of them. But, for not I'll just do the one that's majorly affected me the past...months. Sure.
Day One.
Lets start from the beginning, yes? Okay, back when I was a major Shadow fan, there was this comic. Shadow-based, of course. There was also a Tag board, and that's where I met my friend. Soon, we found a chat, and we'd spend tons of time just chatting.
Even when I got kicked off the computer for like, three months, she still came on and check to make sure I was there or not.
Finally, I got her to get Yahoo, because the chat room was going down more and more frequently. It was great.
For personal prepossess, I'll just tell you her sn was Shade.
Eventually, I met her friend on Yahoo. We didn't talk much, and got in a few fights because we didn't really know each other, but eventually we kind of stopped talking.
Shade lives in Texas, I live in Delaware, so basically opposite sites of the county, but that didn't stop her from coming down one summer. We al hung out for about a week or so, going to the beach, stuff like that.
Another year passes, Shin(the other friend) comes back into it, but this time we all become friends fast, and everything was good.
One summer, near the end of the summer, Shad and Shin got into a fight. I forget the specifics about it now, but I got them together, we talked, and eventually I helped get them over it, and they both apologized to each other. That was two summers a go, I believe.
I think it started January this year. Some things happen, some tension grew, some more things, bad blood.
Then, one week, there was a problem.
See, this other friend that we had a while ago, he was an a**. Will. He'd gotten this one girl pregnant, and people found out, and it was spreading like wildfire. He came to Shin for help; she told people it wasn't true. Will just wanted it to stop spreading so that he could tell his mother what happened his self. He wasn't even in the same school, because of family problems, so he didn't want her to find out from someone else.
Shin told people it wasn't true, and she gave a note to someone to tell Shade to tell people the same, that explained the situation. But that's where their stories change...and there wasn't anything I could do this time, but I tried. I tried to help, you see. It would work like the last time, right?
No.
Wrong, things came out horrible, and I think I even made it worse.
Now the two of them hate each other. There have been hate crimes committed -- Shade's car window was broken in with a brick, a few days later her home window had the same. She suspected that Shin or Will did it.
Shin's Gaia account got hacked and she suspected Shade did it.
Things just came out horribly wrong, and I couldn't do anything to help...and it just felt like I was missing something, something key to helping, and I just failed at finding it. I failed at helping my two best friends because I wasn't there, I didn't know the information, and I couldn't know what really happened.
But last time I did that, right? And it worked...
I'm all full of smiled and laughs, because I'm the sane one, the one that is suppose to support the others when they're down, when something bad happened. I can't let them know that I'm broken down the same, because then we're just a group with nothing to bring us back up.
The two of them are basically over this, now. But...I'm not really. I think I still feel worse...because them being apart, them not being their best of friends is a constant reminder of how badly I failed them. All the things we did together. The plans we had made for the summer, they don't mean a thing, because I'd failed them, miserably.
I know it seems stupid, and emo, and all of that. I know it does. Face it; I'm an emo kid. I don't cut myself, no, but so what, it's means emotional, you know. I'd thought about killing myself before, and I had the knife before, but I'm a scared kid as well. I decided not to do that again, though, so don't worry.
While crying so much gives you headaches, It's a lot better than hurting yourself.
biggrin And that concludes part one to why I'm so screwed up.
Thank you, have a nice day.
I don't expect you to really go out of your way to feel sorry for me, really. I just wanted to tell people that weren't involved at all.
