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 Posted: Sat May 13, 2006 6:46 pm
Um, Mother's Day is tomorrow. My first Mother's Day. That will be interesting. I've never thought about what a Mother's Day would entail for me. I've just always tried to make it special for my mom. I think AJ might be a tich annoyed with me, not a lot but a little. Most of you who read this know how much my in-laws and I have a love/hate relationship.....basically we love to hate each other. Except I'm the only one honest about it. Anyways, on the mother's day gift(s) we got his mom we both got her a card as well. On the outside of his envelope he wrote "mom" and I wrote "gayla" on the outside of mine. Mom is a very special word to me, it always has been. I can't see using this word for someone I despise to the fiery depths of hell, being the same word I use for my mom who I love dearly. And I think it would be very decieving and hypocritical of me to use that word in reference to my mother-in-law.
In any case, he says he understands as he doesn't even like his parents too much, but I still get the underlying impression that this realy bothers him that I won't call his mother "Mom".
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Posted: Sat May 13, 2006 7:50 pm
I've been married over three years and still call my in-laws by their first names and they prefer it that way. It wasn't until a couple of months ago that my FIL said I could feel free to call him Dad if I want to. In the past, he had always been clear he wasn't comfortable with my doing so. It wasn't an issue of not liking me or getting along like here, it was just that it's just as uncomfortable for them as it is for me to call them "mom" and "dad." Because while I'm now part of their family, I'm not exactly their daughter and it takes time to build those relationships.
So unless your MIL requests you call her 'mom,' she may very well prefer you call her by her first name for the time being and I don't think there should be a big issue using it. Now if she makes it clear she'd like you to call her something else, then yes, you could argue it's disrespectful not to.
Unless that's been done though, I think you're in the clear. 3nodding
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Posted: Sat May 13, 2006 7:59 pm
I can understand that, but why exactly did you guys mail out two seperate cards? I understand not wanting to call her mom and if she hasn't okayed it and everything, but I think it will probably make a point that you don't like her even more than what is obvious, just seems like causing undue drama and going out of your way to do so, IMO. If you don't feel she's mom at all, why even mail a mother's day card seperate?
We just mail out one card together as a family.
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Posted: Mon May 15, 2006 11:44 am
Pirate - well, its never been dicussed. So she's certainly never asked that i call her something else, it just seems like its expected. Every other in-law in the family calls her that (even the ones that don't like her).
Luna - We mailed out separate cards cuz when AJ bought mother's day gifts/cards he bought one specific to his mom from a son. I figured if that's what he wanted to do then that was fine I wouldn't make a fuss about it. But as it got closer to Mother's Day, he told me he wanted me to give his mom a card as well. I told him I wasn't comfortable with it, but he kept pushing it. So I went out and got a basic card wishing her a happy mother's Day and signed it.
Then he noticed I had written her name and not "mom" on the envelope and asked me about it. And I explained my reasoning for it. Then he said "But I call your mom "mom"". And I said "But you actually like my mother". And that was the end of the conversation.
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Posted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 10:47 am
Unfortunately, my problem is just the opposite. I love my MIL to pieces and have a very difficult time with my own. Buying for my MIL was a piece of cake, trying to find a card to send to a mother that has always treated you like a second class citizen that doesn't get all gooshy, is really difficult. Treating my brother as if he could never do any wrong, watching his kids and not wanting mine, and forever telling stories about what an awful baby/child I was makes it even harder. When she remarried after my father died, and didn't even invite me to the wedding until the day before, even though she mailed my in-laws an invite, was the icing on the cake. I wish you luck dealing with the in-laws, I think you should be able to call them whatever makes you and them the most comfortable.
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