Captain Jim Brass: Everyone should witness an autopsy on their first night.
Captain Jim Brass: You're under arrest for obstructing justice, tampering with state's evidence, and violating seven articles of being scumbag.
Captain Jim Brass: Oh, man, I wish I had been married to you.
Catherine Willows: Not a chance.
Gil Grissom: A girl... in a culvert pipe... at a highway construction site... in the middle of an alfalfa field...
[turns to Brass]
Gil Grissom: You got anything to add?
Captain Jim Brass: Nothing as poetic.
[approaching a club]
Guard at Door: Twenty-five dollars. Each.
Captain Jim Brass: [pointing to his badge] I got a coupon.
Captain Jim Brass: Hey, look what I found: a knife with blood on it.
Gil Grissom: Hey, look what I found: dead guy.
[a suspect is at a convention for people who dress as animals]
Captain Jim Brass: What do we do... put out an A.P.B. on Tom and Jerry?
Captain Jim Brass: There's no smoking in here.
[a Magician makes the cigarette disappear]
Captain Jim Brass: When you find that, put it out.
Gil Grissom: [reading an obese victim's shirt] "735"?
Captain Jim Brass: His goal weight?
Those are a few of his remarks that I like. He is really funny at times.
whee