|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Wed May 10, 2006 1:32 pm
Well, this is my first post in here (at least that I can remember) even though I've been a member for awihle. Partially because I became too busy with school and work, or frustraited with Gaia to get on it much, partially because I always feel really awkward going into guilds and threads where I don't know anybody and everybody seems to know one another. But I have read over various topics many a time.
Anyways, the point of my post is this:
I've enjoyed talking to an FA I met online for some time now. I feel bad sometimes because I have been known to start questioning his attraction to bigger girls many a time, just out of curiousity. The same way I ask myself why I tend to like jerks sweatdrop He's one of the few people I think would manage to not get irritated with all the random or personal questions I ask him about it.
Long after we started talking he asked me a question that really surprised me, "Does me being an FA bother you?" I honestly don't know what I said to possibly give him the impression that it did, but I really didn't mind. I had to pause for a second and think because the way he phrased the question at first made me think he was asking about FAs in general, which I do have some issues with but he's always been very nice to me, and actually gave me the sweatest compliment I've ever recieved in my life. He's actually one of the few people I feel comfortable showing photos of myself that I think are bad, or silly photos, more so than I am with my own boyfriend.
All this to ask, I'm curious how many of the FAs here have been worried about people finding out they're FAs, or how the girls they like feel about it? I'm hoping there wasn't a thread like this before and that I just missed it sweatdrop . But as this guild is fat-positive, I haven't really seen anybody be too nervous to admit being one. But when you're talking to a girl or guy you like, or one you just want to be friends with, and they know you're an FA but never really make any comments like "That's awesome!" or "Eww gross!" do you worry about how they think about you?
And sorry that I rambled so much to get to my point, I have a tendency to do that sweatdrop
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed May 10, 2006 2:48 pm
yes, i worry about how they would think of me after they know i am an FA, because of the way society has made girls having to be skinny and me being a rebel about it and liking the bigger girls. Where i live i don't know of anyone else that likes bigger girls, and i had a hard time even admitting it to my closest friends, because they're all talking like "You see that girl over there? She looks hot!" and the girl turning out to be skinny...so all i can say is "yeah..." I have, though, told some of my close friends, and am becoming more open about it, and they replied with, "So you like bigger girls? That's cool." I'm also afraid of girls knowing that i'm a FA because they might think of me as being wierd or such stare . But i have some bigger friends that are girls, and i let them know that i am a FA so they'd feel more comfortable with themselves, and I complement them for their beauty, cuz bigger girls are VERY pretty exclaim
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed May 10, 2006 5:02 pm
That's great that the people you told were cool about it.
I know I've told my roomate and friends some of what I understood about FAs, and they all think it's odd... but my friends are no more normal, honestly sweatdrop I don't get some of the things my friends like. I know for sure they'd say the same for me.
Since I understand it a bit more than others I know, I'd be more likely to wait and pass judgment if a guy told me he was an FA. But I'd also kinda wonder if the guy only liked me for my size, and my big thing isn't liking me for my appearance as much as who I am, and I don't consider my size who I am. My current boyfriend isn't an FA, so I don't have to worry about him only liking me for my appearance.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed May 10, 2006 5:47 pm
I'm an FA and I'm happy to tell people whenever something close to the subject pops up. Usually I get a laugh and occasional jibe along with the feeling that people don't really believe me.
I don't see shallowness as being a bigger issue with FAs than any other person. =/
I must say that I feel a little nervous about your feelings. Generally when anybody questions the... I dunno, "legitimacy" of FAs it makes me feel torn between defensiveness and squirrely shame. I suppose it makes sense given the guys who see fat girls as low-self-esteem E-Z-prey who will put out easily, give them oral, and settle for a one-sided relationship with an unpleasant person.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed May 10, 2006 6:27 pm
Oh, I wasn't saying that FAs are more likely to be shallow than others. Or questioning their legitimacy as far as I was concerened. I don't believe most people can control what they find attractive. It's just I'm not skinny, so if they like me I have to wonder if it's that they like me for my personality, or my appearance. It's just a personal thing for me, I will always wonder it even if I really shouldn't, I don't think I'm attractive and I'd question anybody who said otherwise.
I honestly don't trust hardly anybody when they like me, or compliment me on my appearance because I have hardly any self-esteem. I can't even accept a compliment from my boyfriend without starting to cry and feeling like he's lying to me because he knows I want him to think I'm pretty. I don't even believe him when he says he finds me attractive... so it's really more that I'm neurotic, and I realize this.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed May 10, 2006 6:29 pm
Oh.
That's terrible. =( I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be insensitive. Does this mean that people should avoid complementing you in the picture thread?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed May 10, 2006 6:37 pm
Nah, it was fine. I can see how it might've come across that I was judging them. I don't think I'm doing very well at expressing myself properly tonight sweatdrop
I've gotten better about accepting compliments thanks to my co-workers and a few friends, so I can handle most compliments even if I don't believe them. I cry with my boyfriend because he didn't think to compliment me the first few months we started dating because he's always been big on not worrying about appearances and I'm his first girlfriend. He didn't realize girls like getting complimented. Even after he promised to compliment me, he ended up forgetting and now I've just got it in my head that he doesn't find me attractive at all because of things he said and things he does sweatdrop
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed May 10, 2006 7:23 pm
If you look at him directly when he compliments you, and you feel that he is telling the truth, then you should KNOW that he's telling the truth. I'm sure the reason why he's not complimenting you that often is because just like you said, you are his first girlfriend, and he hasn't quite caught on to that girls like to be called attractive and such, but what should really matter is if you know that he's telling the truth on those times he does call you attractive. You are an attractive girl, and people compliment you because you ARE attractive, not just to be nice, but because you are. I'm sure over time things will get better for you. 3nodding
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed May 10, 2006 7:44 pm
Thanks, I'm trying to work on getting better about accepting his compliments, and I actually have, there are just still a lot of times I back track and start to cry when he tries. sweatdrop
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu May 11, 2006 3:12 am
The Dread Pirate Ghosty Thanks, I'm trying to work on getting better about accepting his compliments, and I actually have, there are just still a lot of times I back track and start to cry when he tries. sweatdrop Perhaps he doesn't complement you often because you have a tendency to break into tears when he does so? <.<
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu May 11, 2006 9:18 am
Fuzzy Necromancer Perhaps he doesn't complement you often because you have a tendency to break into tears when he does so? <.<
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu May 11, 2006 6:33 pm
The Dread Pirate Ghosty Fuzzy Necromancer Perhaps he doesn't complement you often because you have a tendency to break into tears when he does so? <.< Ah,, I see. =/ damn.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri May 12, 2006 6:59 am
The Dread Pirate Ghosty Well, this is my first post in here (at least that I can remember) even though I've been a member for awihle. Partially because I became too busy with school and work, or frustraited with Gaia to get on it much, partially because I always feel really awkward going into guilds and threads where I don't know anybody and everybody seems to know one another. But I have read over various topics many a time.
Anyways, the point of my post is this:
I've enjoyed talking to an FA I met online for some time now. I feel bad sometimes because I have been known to start questioning his attraction to bigger girls many a time, just out of curiousity. The same way I ask myself why I tend to like jerks sweatdrop He's one of the few people I think would manage to not get irritated with all the random or personal questions I ask him about it.
Long after we started talking he asked me a question that really surprised me, "Does me being an FA bother you?" I honestly don't know what I said to possibly give him the impression that it did, but I really didn't mind. I had to pause for a second and think because the way he phrased the question at first made me think he was asking about FAs in general, which I do have some issues with but he's always been very nice to me, and actually gave me the sweatest compliment I've ever recieved in my life. He's actually one of the few people I feel comfortable showing photos of myself that I think are bad, or silly photos, more so than I am with my own boyfriend.
All this to ask, I'm curious how many of the FAs here have been worried about people finding out they're FAs, or how the girls they like feel about it? I'm hoping there wasn't a thread like this before and that I just missed it sweatdrop . But as this guild is fat-positive, I haven't really seen anybody be too nervous to admit being one. But when you're talking to a girl or guy you like, or one you just want to be friends with, and they know you're an FA but never really make any comments like "That's awesome!" or "Eww gross!" do you worry about how they think about you?
And sorry that I rambled so much to get to my point, I have a tendency to do that sweatdrop Well, I'd first like to point out that I am not an FA. I am an overweight man who has found fat girls attractive, and skinny girls as well.... Body size is not the only thing that attracts me, is what I am trying to say. I've come off this crush on this woman who was, shall I say, Huge? Everybody knew I had this thing for her. Anyway, they also sort of mocked me, and also kept telling me I can do better, as if I was "settling for what I could get" and didn't genuinely have a thing for her. And I do feel sort of unease with FAs (sorry guys) simply because of the whole body type beauty thing that was brought up. I'm nervous about anyone who specifically enjoys a particular body type, simply because the way I think, I automatically assume shallowness. And though I am overweight, and damn proud of it, I do worry about FAs pressuring girls into not being fat but also losing their health.... You be large and healthy. It's not impossible. Actually, if you are large and healthy, you live longer.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri May 12, 2006 8:06 am
I actually agree with you on a lot of that, Kamen 3nodding I personally prefer either chubby guys, or guys that have builds like track runners, and I have always wanted a tall boyfriend (over 6 feet, preferably) but I like any person, and can find anybody attractive as long as their healthy, I mostly go off personality. Which is lucky for my boyfriend, who was actually shorter than me by a centimeter when we started dating and neither chubby or track runner skinny sweatdrop He's still adorable, though 3nodding
I was actually in shock when my friend told me he thought I'd still be attractive whether I lost or gained weight, and that he thought I was the perfect weight even though he seems to find women bigger than me more to his liking. I was really impressed with him for that. I imagine I was obviously confused because I had assumed he only liked bigger girls, and he told that he didn't only like fat girls, but he preferred them. I like to think my friend is an example of the majority, since I don't know the majority too well. He's really fantastic about explaining stuff like that to me, like about how he would love to see a woman get as big as she can get while still being healthy.
But I've seen some FAs that I got the impression saying "She's beautiful now, keep going as long as you're both happy with it, Just be careful that their health isn't affected" isn't a positive comment or constructive critisim, but negative feedback confused And I often get the defense that being too skinny isn't healthy either, to which I usually give up because I have a tendency to lecture if I think somebody's being childish, and I don't think they'd appreciate me bursting their bubble by pointing out that their loved one obviously isn't going to have to worry about being unhealthily skinny anymore. Which is probably another reason I'm curious to hear other FAs sides of it, because I like to know as much as I can and I'm interested to see which of my experiences the majority is more like sweatdrop
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri May 12, 2006 1:10 pm
I get a bit miffed when people equate having preferences in appearance with shallowness. =/
A component in most boyfriend/girlfriend relationships is physical attraction. There's nothing wrong with being attracted to certain body types because that's just what piques your interest. Wouldn't you be more attracted a beautiful woman? Everybody has some degree of taste based on appearance, and you can't control how something makes you feel. If girls with big potbellies, smooth skin, and a cute face make me feel attracted, I can't choose to change or control that any more than I could influence a lack of food making me hungry.
I'm not saying that appearance is the only thing that matters, but it does matter. If you don't have any physical attraction, then why be in anything other than a platonic relationship? Shallow is seeking physical attractiveness to the exclusion of all else, not the mere presence of physical attraction and weighing that in your choice of a significant other.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
