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 Posted: Thu Mar 17, 2005 1:39 pm
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2005 4:37 am
The one thing that's really leaping out of me on my first reading is that all of the dialogue sounds very much the same.
There's no sense of three different characters talking with three different voices. It's just a suggestion, but try letting Eggman sound a little more adult and scientific, and Gizoid actually sound as though language doesn't come naturally.
Try varying the speech patterns a little.
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Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 2:50 am
Nuala The one thing that's really leaping out of me on my first reading is that all of the dialogue sounds very much the same. There's no sense of three different characters talking with three different voices. It's just a suggestion, but try letting Eggman sound a little more adult and scientific, and Gizoid actually sound as though language doesn't come naturally. Try varying the speech patterns a little. But apart from the bad points... sweatdrop
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Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 7:21 am
Slizergiy But apart from the bad points... sweatdrop Otherwise, it's a good first draft. You just need to define your characters a little more.
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Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 12:38 pm
Sorry to break off topic here, just for a quick question on my behalf.
We can post non Sonic fanfics in here too for review?
(Sorry, newbie squestion, which can be edited out in favour of a review of this fanfic ASAP)
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