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Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 10:22 am
I can't believe it. My son just turned three months old today and I'm already pregnant. I don't know how this happened. I mean I know but, god, isn't pregnancy supposed to be a happy thing? I haven't a clue what I'm going to do about it. I told my fiance and he said it was my decision but then made it clear he wanted me to have an abortion.He won't talk about it he just tells me to do what I want. Thats how it was with my son. I just cant comprehend killling my little girl or boy, but if I have this child he/she will be almost exactly a year apart. By that I mean like within weeks of each others birthdates. I started taking the left over prenatal from my son just in case.
Is a year too close? My sister and I are 15 months apart and we fought our whole lives. Still do actually. I don't want that for my child. Not to mention the financial problems.We don't even have the money for an abortion. My credit cards are maxed and unless we want to stop eating...400 dollars is a lot of money to us. But in the long run one child we can aford but two? I stay at home b/c if I worked I'd be working to pay for daycare. I need to finnish school and I'm only 20. What if it the clossness complicates the pregnancy? I don't know if I could handle another child in diapers. Is it really hard?
But then on the plus side my son will always have someone to play with. And if it's another boy they can share clothes and toys. I don't know I'm so confused. And no adoption isn't an option so please don't mention it. I could never give my child away. What would he/she think. You kept my brother but not me? God.
Has anyone else had a child within a year of their first? If so were there any complications with the pregnancy? Do your children get along? I know everyone is different, but were you able to cope with it? Is a little extra freedom worth the life of my child? I really have no idea what to do. And I know I have to decide soon so I can either have an abortion or get prenatal checkups. i know it's my decion but....
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Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 2:01 pm
Well, I'm going to leave your first question alone because you've made it clear you meant it to be rhetorical. ;] But since you didn't mention birth control failure and I can only assume, I would like to gently suggest that in the future you remember that you can get pregnant at any time after birth because you really don't know when you'll ovulate until it's too late. Breastfeeding if done often enough *can* suppress ovulation, but it's still a gamble.
I'm pregnant with my first child, but my friend down here manged to get pregnant again in under 6 weeks because their method of birth control failed. So when #1 was 10 months old, #2 was born. I can tell you what little I do know about her pregnancy the second time around versus the first. She did have health issues the second time and started off with high blood pressure right from the get-go from not having a chance to fully recover from the first pregnancy: it's very stressful on the body. Her second was also born a bit premature. A number of things can cause that, but I've suspected the closeness of the pregnancies had something to do with it.
It's really up to you how close in age is 'too close.' That's not really up for debate, I don't feel, because no matter how you space children, you can find pros and cons to any method people choose. Some prefer them closer, others, much farther apart. Age spacing will affect your childrens' relationship, but no matter what, there will be sibling rivalry in some form. My sister and I are 26 months apart and fought like cats and dogs for years before we finally stopped. Our brother came eight years later and he and my sister had an intense rivalry because she hated not being the baby anymore and even at 21, she STILL fights with him.
For as close as your two will be and observing my friend, I can say that, yes, two in diapers will be hard. One year old children are still very much dependent on you and it's going to be tough to give them both your full attention. They can't both have your lap at the same time. They'll both need you to feed them. It's not impossible to do, but it may drive you batty and be overwhelming. My friend is currently very frazzled with a 6 month old and a 16 month old all day by herself. It's your call about what you can handle though.
And your last questions, also can't give you the answer. It's up to you what your 'freedom' is worth. I can tell by how you're speaking about it that you really aren't keen on the abortion idea though. I would try not to think about it in that way and think more about your financial situation [it seems to be a very big issue as you've mentioned it throughout]: is it fair to you and your current child to stretch your resources more thinly then they already are? Is it fair to your fiance? Can you really support more then one right now? If you can't, then you might want to consider the abortion, as hard as it will be. And I'm not going to lie to you: no matter what you choose to do, this is going to be rough and will leave you regretting something and unhappy in one way or another. There's never an 'easy and painless' solution to situations like this.
So I guess I'm saying you need to think about this more and consider what all it really means. I can tell you want me to tell you to keep the baby and everything will be just fine, but I can't do that and tend to be more realistic. I have a feeling this is going to be rough no matter what you do.
If you consider the abortion route, I see you put down a price, is that from your clinic or from Planned Parenthood? PP doesn't do them for free, but they do base the rate on income so if you don't make much, they may be able to do it for less.
Good luck.
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Posted: Wed May 10, 2006 1:03 am
I'm afraid i'd have to agree, that no matter the decision it will be a hard one that may weigh heavy on you. It's not easy either way you choose.
Currently I am having my second boy, and my son right now will be 16 months on the 13th. By the time I give birth he will be about 18 months old and 6 months shy of being two. I got pregnant with him when he 9 and a half months old round about. I had a bit more time to heal from the pregnancy but still it seemed a bit soon to me also. I know everyone's a bit different, and so far at almost 30 weeks pregnant I haven't had any complications. I know i feel more worn for wear, but that's going to happen when i've already got another one to look after and am not able to just sleep or nap or be lazy whenever I want to.
As far as sibling rivalry, every child deals with it differently. My brother and I were 3 years apart and we fought like cats and dogs. It wasn't until we both moved on as adults that we seem to have more patience and can tolerate each other. Again it really all depends on the children and how they allow their relationship to develop, at least that's how I feel. There's a lot of people with siblings close in age that are the best of friends, and a lot of people with siblings close in age that just loathe each other, so really it all comes down to them and what they bring out of their relationship as siblings.
I really can't say about how hard it will be with two kids in diapers, I have yet to meet my new little boy.
I wish you all the luck in your decision.
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Posted: Thu May 11, 2006 10:59 am
Really, this comes down to your decision and with all those questions and concerns, that's something that it varies by person and decision and there's no way to tell you a 100% right answer. The previous posters touched on it best.
The only thing that struck out odd at me about your post is your fiance being very adamant not just this once, but even when you were pregnant before about you have an abortion and not wanting to talk to you. It's like a mixed message that "whatever you want" but making it clear he wants you to have an abortion? It would raise red flags in my relationship and I would advise counseling.
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Posted: Fri May 12, 2006 4:10 pm
*nods* It's gonna be rough, but it's doable. My husband and his brother are 11 months apart- January 22 and December... somerthing. >>
And if your man is being... cranky, lets say... I'd say counseling is really important. It will make all the difference in your kids lives, regardless of when they're born.
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Posted: Fri May 26, 2006 12:15 am
My first wo were 17 months apart. They are typical and loyal brothers. The cries of "NOBODY Beats up MY brother but ME!" rang out across the playground. They love one another and support one another but they are individual people too and apreciate the diversity.
Physically it was not much more difficult on my body than my first pregnancy, but a friend of mine is on number 3 and it has sucked very much as her muscles are all srreeached out and such, she has had one every 2 years and this is baby #3.
Having 2 in diapers was a bit of a pain, but then suddenly it was over... the natural competidiveness kicked in and once one was on the potty the other wanted to check it out! Soon both wanted to stand side by side and pee on the cheerioes! (LOL aiming device for boys toss floating fruit loops or cheerio's into the bowl)
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Posted: Fri May 26, 2006 11:39 am
I can only tell you from what I saw my sister go through. She has five children now. Her eldest is now 8 (or maybe 9) and she had him when she was eighteen. A couple of years later, she had her first daughter. She fell pregnant about two or three months after having Shannon. So she had a three year old and a three month old (roughly) on her hands already. James, herr third, was born a month before Shannon's first birthday, he was a month premature. Now, although he had gone near enough full term, he did have breathing troubles and was suceptible to illnesses such as colds and chest infections very easily. The pregnancy was easy, and as far as I know, my sister was fine. But because she had Shannon and Michael (the eldest) to look after as well as this newborn, it was rough. Especially because he got ill easily. Let me assure you, he is now a healthy 6 year old.
Back to the time, my sister was finding it hard to cope, even with her husband there to help her. My mum and nan offered to take Shannon (I think Michael went to his nans) for a week, and she said yes. We had Shannon for a week which gave my sister time to get used to this new baby and be able to bond properly. As I said at the beginning, she now has five children, (and she can now no longer have children, she had the op and even if she hadn't, her last pregnancy was rough and wouldn't be in her best interests). From eldest to youngest, the ages are 8(or 9), 7, 6, 1 1/2 and five months. She loves her children dearly, it has been hard for her, but she got through.
Of course, it varies from person to person, preganany to pregnancy. However, you do need both finances and a good mental health (children are draining on that for many women, hence post-natal depression). However, as you have said, you would need to pay for the abortion and you can't afford to do that. It's a shame you don't get it free, or at least cheaper. Is there a way you could get it cheaper? If not, you have two options. Adoption, or keeping the child. Both are emotional decisions. And you gotta decide which is right for you.It might be hard, but it can be done. Many women have, and you gotta remember the ones who have had twins, triplets and quadruplets!
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Posted: Fri May 26, 2006 11:49 am
My boyfriend and his twin brother are exactly a year younger than their brother. They were 3 months premie, so their mom got pregnant when their brother was 6 months old.
To quote their father about the situation, "It was as stressful as s**t."
As for the sibling rivalry thing... My boyfriend really isn't a good example. He's very introverted (all three of them are, though the eldest is both the most and the least, due to Asperger's syndrome) and so... he tends to redirect rivalry towards himself, but, near as I can tell, there's very little sibling rivalry. There's less than I have with my brother who's 5 years younger!
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Posted: Sun Jun 04, 2006 8:42 am
A little late, sorry.
I'm pregnant with my first child so I've not got too much to say other than what I know from my sister-in-law, who got pregnant exactly 3 months after my first nephew. She had no complications whatsoever in health and she delivered a full term healthy baby boy. The body recovers at different rates depending on the person so I imagine if you haven't had enough time to recover, there could be some serious health risks.
My nephews are a year and 6 days apart and, thought they do fight regularly, they're able to go to school together and share alot of the same friends. My nephews always seem to have a blast when they're together and my oldest nephew is always there to look after his little brother.
In the end, as said by all the others, it's your decision. The situation is doable, you're not the first and you won't be the last to find yourself in that position. Counseling could help with your guy. Maybe once your child gets a little older and your pregnancy progresses, he'll watm up to the idea a little more.
Best of luck.
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Posted: Fri Jun 09, 2006 12:17 am
My Aunt Lynn and Aunt Jule are 11 months apart.
They fought like hell when they were growing up and they still do sometimes.
I know my grandmother some how made ends meet by doing things like hunting and gardening...alot. She also did her own canning.
I'm not sure if this is possible for you, but if it is it's a good thing to look into.
Most of their fighting actually came from the fact that my Aunt Jule is a bully though. confused
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