GoldDiggingWhore
You would have done pretty well as one of the cheese writers. Though I do like your first chapter best so far out of all of them due to its length and the character interaction between Jez and Relo. One character playing off another is one of my favorite things to read
and write.
I give it a brovo in the area of redability, though of course the overall mechanics of capitalization and punctuation and such could still improve. Biggest request now from me would be: increase length and plot. Do you know where you want the story to go at the moment? Or is it kind of leading its own path? If it doesn't have any direction now, oftentimes it'll create its own without you even realizing it.
shhesh ur editor for me now tommorrow ill pm it to yu K but jez is gone for now
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