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How to Write a College Paper

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
2. Check your email.
3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.
4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate.
5. Check your email.
6. Stop off at another floor, on the way back and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can both walk to McDonald's and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you her paper, typed, double-spaced and bound in one of those irritating see-thru plastic folders, drop her.
7. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
8. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.
9. Check your email.
10. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.
11. Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.
12. Listen to one side of your favorite tape and that's it, seriously, as soon as it's over you are going to start that paper.
13. Listen to the other side.
14. Check your email.
15. Rearrange all of your CDs into alphabetical order.
16. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if she's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your teacher, the course, the college, the world at large.
17. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
18. Read over the assignment again; roll the words across your tongue; savor their special flavor.
19. Check your email.
20. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV. NOTE: When you have a paper due in less than 12 hours, anything on TV from Masterpiece Theater to “Sgt. Preston of the Yukon” is truly worthwhile, with these exceptions:
a) Pro Bowlers Tour
b) any movie starring Don Ameche
21. Catch the last hour of “Soul Brother of Kung Fu” on Channel 26.
22. Phone your friend on the third floor to see if he was watching. Discuss the finer points of the plot.
23. Check your email.
24. Look at your tongue in the bathroom miror.
25. Look through your roommate's book of pictures from home. Ask whoeveryone is.
26. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.
27. Open your door and check to see if there are any mysterious, trenchcoated strangers lurking in the hall.
28. Check your email.
29. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
30. Read over the assignment one more time, just for heck of it.
31. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.
32. Lie face down on the floor and moan.
33. Check your email.
34. Leap up and write the paper.
35. Type the paper, and while you're at it, check your email.
36. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to write that darn paper.

Rover the Brick

A policeman is walking down the road when he sees a man with a brick tied to a dog leash. He decides to go and humor him. He walks up to the man and says, ''Hello, sir, I like your dog!''
The man looks at the brick, then the policeman, and says, ''It's not a dog, it's a brick.''

The policeman replies, ''Oh, sorry, I thought you were a bit mad,'' and walks off rather puzzled.

As the policeman goes out of sight, the man turns to the brick and says, ''That fooled him, didn't it Rover?''


xd I dunno why I found this funny, I just did xp whee

30 Ways To Have Fun in a Hospital

1. Hijack wheelchairs and speed around the hallways.
2. Get a running start, then tackle people.

3. Wax the floors really well in a wing where there are many old people, and sit yourself down and watch the walkers fly!

4. Get the rolling beds and race them, while the patients are in them.

5. Go to the labor and delivery department, and into a room with a patient, and say "Breathe, breathe, breathe, DON'T BREATHE!"

6. Feed the diabetics lots and lots of sugar.

7. Go to ICU and go up to one of the patients and have a conversation along these lines:
"Does this hurt?"
"How about now?"
"What if I did this?"
"What if I hit you with this?"
"Would it be bad if I pressed this button?"


8. Go into an operating room and say, "I can take it from here...." (30 seconds later), scream, "EVERYONE DOWN! HE'S GONNA BLOW!"

9. Start a food fight in the cafeteria.

10. Run around yelling, "YOU'RE ALL GONNA DIE! YOU'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"

11. Go "Christmas caroling," only with Adam Sandler songs, or other very disturbing, violent songs.

12. Stand in a doorway with an IV filled with water and spray passing people.

13. Go to the Psychiatric Unit and find something really annoying, (like a buzzer) and buzz it over and over and over again.

14. Turn off the main power switch.

15. Announce over the loudspeakers: "Everyone down! It's an air raid!"

16. That works for bomb scares, too.

17. Start a war between all the patients and the nurses, and chase the nurses with syringes.

18. Play football with the babies.

19. Flick the lights on and off in sleeping patients' rooms.

20. Go into another patient's room and page the nurse. Run away. Do it again, and again, and again.

21. Tell people there's a recreation center on the roof. When they get up there, look around and say, "Oh, it must be in the basement. Sorry."

22. Put a stink bomb in someone's artificial lung.

23. Jump on the beds while people are in them.

24. Find a patient with a remote control bed, steal the remote and wonder aloud, "What would happen if I pressed this button?"

25. Why not try all of the buttons?

26. Stand outside the door of the hospital and tell people it's closed but that it will open tomorrow at 8 am.

27. Steal old peoples' walkers.

28. This also works for anyone on crutches.

29. Take three pigs, and label them 1, 2, and 4. Then let them loose around the hospital. When they find these pigs they will wonder where #3 is, and will continue looking.

30. Hijack an ambulance!!

okay this is a joke that has to be in Korean
How much does a blanket cost?
이불 (하하하하하하하하하!)
okay 이불 can mean two things in Korea 1.blanket and 2. two dollars so if you understand its a corny joke but i thought it was funny

oh i have another one
what kind of sound does bread make when you hit it on the wall?
빵! 하하하하하하하하하하~
okay once again 빵 in Korean means bread or a sound like bang but in Korean its BBang! so yeah... ^^

lol! xd i luv them puns! i got a joke in korean, but i cant type korean....... crying

well this is another korean joke wee

Which bible character has 3 hands?

삼손 ^^;;

삼손 is Samson from the bible but then it can literally be translated into 3 hands