Welcome to Gaia! ::

What?

...

Oh, I see, never mind that post then.

(Link searches the burnt plumber to find the very rare Mushroom Arrows.)

Navi: Hey! Listen! What the hell do these arrows do?

Link: They turn anything they touch into shrooms. I always knew those plumbers were on drugs!

(Link continues up Really Really Evil Hill until he gets to a very large building. Link enters it)

Link: Uh, hello? Where am I?

Samus: Hey Link! This is the Hylian Strip Club.

Joanna Dark: Almost all video game women work here. Everyone from Zelda to Lara Croft, even Donkey Kong works here.

DK: ...Wha!? It's good money!

Impa: Yeah, but everyone is mad because Zelda isn't working today. I wonder where she is?

Daisy: Havn't you heard? The rumor is that Ganon has kidnapped her again! Link, you must save her!

Lara: Yeah, save her! Ya know Link, even though you should be arrested for breaking and entering, we'll let you off the hook and even give you an item!

(Lara gives Link the upgraded cell phone, which floats above his head while old video game music plays)

Impa: How do you do that anyway?

Link: .......Uh-

Impa: Never mind. This upgraded cell phone has our number on the speed dial, so you can call us whenever you need help. Also on the speed dial is Gerudo's Pizza Shack. You can order pizza there when your quest has made you weary.

Link: Thanks. Any idea where the Sacred Cheese Realm is?

Everyone: ....no.

Link: Okay, thanks anyway. (leaves)

(meanwhile...)

Ganon: My friends! We have successfully kidnapped Princess Zelda, and our quest to find the object more powerful than the Triforce is underway.

Majora: Uh, sir? She's escaping (points to Zelda running off in the distance)

Ganon: WHA!? How could this happen??

Onox: Well, if ya would've trapped her in crystal like i said this wouldn't have happened!

Ganon: SILENCE!! Just for that, YOU must find Zelda, Onox!

Onox: a**! (grumbles to himself as he walks away)

Meanwhile, back with Link.

Link: Hey Navi. I just realized something.

Navi: Hey! What?

Link: Weren't there rumors that Impa was a man.

Navi vomits.

Link: Yeah, I know what you mean. But if she works at a strip club, doesn't that mean there are some very sick people out there?

Navi: Oh, I thought she was the Bouncer.

Link: Hey! If those strip gals really wanted to help me, why didn't Samus give me her suit?

Navi: Do you have breasts?

Link: Actually. . . .

Navi vomits.

Link: It was a joke!

Navi: Anyway, her suit makes you 7 feet tall. You're 2 and a half feet.

Link: Navi, only that freak Zoruel thinks that.

Navi: Oh yeah. That freak Zoruel should die.

Zoruel comes in and smacks them both on the head.

Zoruel: Remember, I'm writing you this time!

Zoruel leaves.

Navi: That was odd.

Link: Yeah-oomph!

Navi: Hey! Where'd you go?

Link: Down here! I tripped on this mushroom.

The mushroom gets up, and has arms, and legs and a face.

Navi: Aah! An evil monster! Navi Hyper Super Special Pretty-

Mushroom: Wait! Please young travelers. I am Kinopio, leader of the Mushroom kingdoms Toads. We were exiled after the Darth Toadstool came to power. Alas, Luigi is dead already. We have his head on a stick right here.

Kinopio holds up Luigi's decapitated head.

Link and Navi vomit.

Kinopio: Daisy and Zelda are the only two people standing in her way. Larbrynnu and Holodrum are under her rule now. Oh what are we going to do?

Link: Well, if you put that head away e might be able to hep you.

Kinopio: Oh. Sorry.

Kinopio throws the head into the brush where it is consumed by rabid Yoshis.

Navi: Watch Out! It's those Baby Yoshi Ninja's again!

Yoshi #1: We are not Baby Yoshi Ninjas. We are the Baby Yoshi KGB!

Baby Yoshi KGB#2: Kill them in the name of Comrade Peach!

Baby Yoshi KGB #3: Stupid! They aren't supposed to know she's Darth Toadstool. Oops.

Baby Yoshi KGB#1: Well, it was pretty obvious already.

Baby Yoshi KGB #3: But it was her orders not to make it blatently obvious! Nobody knew it was her before her ascention. . . .

During their mindless chatter, our three Travelers escape - along with the Church Organ of Time. (The Bagpipes were lost during the Dark Peach Thunder that killed Mario.)

::Meanwhile...::

Onox: Get back here you little twerp!

::He runs as fast a large man in full armor can after the fleet-footed Zelda.::

Zelda: Nah nah, can't catch me! razz

Onox: Just you wait! I'm about to use me super special Crash Boom Gang-Bang-Flying-Buttslam attack!

Zelda: You have that move in Oracle of Seasons?

Onox: I don't know, I haven't gotten that far yet.

Zelda: Oh.

Onox: HERE I COME!!!

::Onox starts flashing rainbow-hippie colors as bright explosions erupt around him and the camera pans around cinematicly. When the camera stops in front of him, he charges his a** forward.

CRASH!::

Cameraman: OW! Dude, that really hurt! Seriously!

Onox: Oh, sorry. I didn't realize that SquareSoft was in charge of the special effects in this story.

::Zelda is on the ground laughing her spleen off. Onox rushes up to her and grabs her arm::

Onox: Alright, sweetie, you're coming with me!

Zelda: ! My contact! I can't see!

Onox: Oh my, let me find it for you. ::he begins to search the ground:: Hey, I didn't know you had brown eyes.

Zelda: Well tell the world, why don't you!?

Onox: Here it is. ::He hands the contact to Zelda, who then spit-shines it and puts it back in her eye.::

Zelda: Thank you. Now where were we?

::A few seconds of silence pass. Then the Princess breaks into a wild sprint again::

Onox: HEY! WHY YOU LITTLE--

::In the meantime...::

Link: Say, Kinopio, you wouldn't happen to know anything about the Sacred Realm of Cheese, would you?

Kinopio: Me? No, I'm just a lowly shroom, I'm afraid. But she might know something.

Link: Who?

Kinopio: That girl standing over there with the sign that says "I know about the Sacred Realm of Cheese" over her head.

Link: Ah! What Luck!

::The travelers approach the girl. Standing next to her is a cow::

Link: Hi!

Girl: What the F*** do you want?

Link: Uh, we're looking for the Sacred Realm of Cheese.

Girl: How would I know about that?

Link: There's a sign over your head.

Girl: There is? ::looks up:: Why, there is! I guess the programmers put it there.

Link: So...can you help us?

Girl: Well that all depends...

Girl: Well, that all depends on if you can do something for me.

Link: Hey, just name it. I'm the Hero of Time! I can kill dragons, I can travel though time-

Girl: I want you to get my cat out of that tree!

(Link looks up at the tree that is the size of the Great Deku Tree. Somewhere above it, he hears a meowing)

Link: Ugh. I'm afraid of heights. I'm not climbing that!

Girl: Well, then I won't help you!

Link: Wait! What if i burn the tree down? Then, when it's burned down, i can just pick the cat up from the rubble.

Girl: That sounds dangerous, but since you are the Hero of Time, I'll assume that nothing goes wrong. (Girl walks away)

(Link pulls out his trusty flamethrower, and lights the tree on fire. Everything seems to be going fine, until a flame hits the girl's house and burns it down. Then another flame hits Kinopio)

Kinopio: Nice going loser! (burns to the ground)

(Finally, the entire tree is burned down, and Link pulls out half of a burnt up cat)

Link: Uh...here ya go!

Girl: WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY CAT!?

Link: I said i'd get the cat out of the tree, i never said ANYTHING about getting it out alive!

Girl: I suppose you're right. Even though you killed my cat and burned down my house, I'll tell you about the Sacred Realm of Cheese. Inside that Realm is an object more powerful than even the Triforce! It's called the Quadforce of DOOM, and it's made out of CHEESE! It has the power to destroy anybody you want it to.

Link: Yeah, so where is it?

Girl: I don't know. I just said i knew about it. I said nothing about where it is...DID I!?

Link: Any idea where i can find someone that does know?

Girl: Why don't you check Hella Hot Desert? Only Poes live there, but they know lots of stuff!

Link: Hey, thanks! (Link gets on his new elephant, Willis, and rides off into the sunset)

Girl: (to herself) Except he'll be killed by those Midget Dodongos before he gets there. HAHAHAHAHAHAAA (coughs)!!

(Meanwhile)

Zelda: Oh man, Onox is catching up on me! I gotta find some place to hide! But where? There's nothing but plains around here. Why do I keep on talking to myself? I've gotta quit talking to myself. (Sees an outhouse in the distance) I know! I'll hide in that outhouse over there! Dammit, I'm doing it again! Man, i need to smoke!

(Zelda finally reaches the outhouse and goes in, only to realize...)

Ganon: Hey! Zelda came back on her own! I told ya she's got the hots for me, Majora. You owe me $20 now!

Majora: WHA!? Maybe she has allergies and had to come back in!

Ganon: No way! I've kidnapped her so many times she's got to be in love with me!

Majora: Who would be in love with a pig like you!?

Twinrova: Uh, guys? She just ran off again!

::Link rides along on Willis with Navi floating behind him trying to catch-up::

Navi: Hey! Link, where'd this elephant come from?

Link: What are you talking about? I've known Willis for years.

Navi: Ooooooooooooooooooook...

Link: Let's see, Hella Hot Desert...I think it's this way.

Navi: How can you tell? We've passed this same tree about 50 times now.

Link: Gee, that burnt tree does look a little familiar...

Navi: Moron, can't you tell where we are?

Link: boards.ign.com?

Navi: Yes!...I mean No! NO! We're in the Lost and Found Woods.

Link: Aw, fiddlesticks, how are we supposed to get out?

Navi: How should I know? And why the Hell can't you swear like normal people!?

Link: Uh...'cause it'd be in breech of my contract.

Navi: I DON'T CARE!

Link: Navi! This is so unlike you!

Navi: Maybe that's because...::A bright flash of light fills the area and when Link looks again, a pale man with funky hair and pointy shoes is standing where Navi was, holding his crotch::...I'm really Michael Jackson!

Link: ! Oh no! They say that you're more powerful than even Ganon!

::Ganon pokes his head out for a second::

Ganon: NOT TRUE!

Michael Jackson: I thought you could lead me to the Quadforce of DOOM, but now I see that you are too stupid to find it! Prepare to die! I'll get rid of you, then become Zelda's pimp!

Link: That's what you think! Let's go! ::Link runs forward holding his cell phone, trips and falls on his face:: Drat, that's not a good start.

Michael Jackson: Now BEAT IT! ::Jackson Jumps into the air and attacks...::

::Elsewhere...A man with a head full of holes is standing in a vast room filled with torches. Golden light pours from the celing upon him. In front of him is a mirrior::

Man: Mirror, mirror in this room, give me the master of the Quadforce of DOOM...

::A solid cheddar triangle appears in the mirror's relection, a deep booming voice fills the room::

VOICE: WHY HAVE YOU SUMMONED THE MASTER OF THE QUADFORCE OF DOOM?

Man: My Lord, there are many forces that are now seeking your precious relic.

VOICE: WHO DARES?

Man: There is an evil mushroom lady, as well as a fairy boy, an obease pig, One of the Jackson Five, Bill Gates, and many others I'm sure.

VIOCE: DO NOT WORRY...NONE OF THEM SHALL EVER DISCOVER THE LOCATION TO MY REALM...BUT IF THEY DO...

Man: Yes?

VOICE: IT'S UP TO YOU TO STOP THEM.

::The voice vanishes and the mirror grows dark::

Director: Aaaaaand, CUT! Alright, good shoot, but let's try it again, more booming this time.

VOICE: Awwww, it really hurts when I do that.

Director: Well, do it anyway!

VOICE: (ahem) IT IS UP TO YOU TO STOP THEM! NOW GO MY DISCIPLE, FIND THESE PEOPLE AND DO MANY UNPLEASANT THINGS TO THEM!

Man: You want me to sing for them?

VOICE: WHATEVER IT TAKES! NOW GO!!

::The man runs off, running into Zelda followed by Onox on the way::

Man: Excuse me.

Zelda: Pardon me.

Onox: Get out of my way!

Okay, first of all, if I had a Rupee for every plothole in this story...

The Skull Kid stole it from him, okay? But he still has a lot of bosses right in front of him.

Ganon: Why does Link always beat me? Why? Why why why?
What does he have that I don't? Let's see, Organ of Time, I've got that big dissappearing one. Goddess's Spells, my own spells. Sword, metal cape. Dinky little pony, mighty black clidesdale (SP). Fairy,...! I need an annoying sidekick!

Luigi pops out of pipe, decapitated

Ganon: EEK!

Kills Luigi further

Suddenly, Tatl and Tael float in.

Ganon: Who're you?

Tatl: Tatl

Tael: Tael

Ganon: Why would I want a snotch for a side kick? I'm evil remember.

Tatl & Tael: No, I'm tatl and he's Tael.

Ganon: Huzzah! Now I have sidekicks! Twice as many as Link too! Now I can rule the world!

Veran: you already do, remember? You took over when Link got eaten by Twin Mold.

Ganon: What's a Twin Mold?

*Back in the Hella Hot Desert*

Link is preparing to fight the many monsters that have suddenly appeared.

Link: Man, the one time I need navi...

Navi (telepathically): Link, I'm stuck in Lantern, stuck in a Poe, stuck in Twin Mold!

Link (also telepathecally): Oh, I'll be right there.

Link pulls out the Organ of Time from behind his back, and all of the enemies are paralyzed. He plays a song, and he is suddenly teleported to Volvagia's stomach.

Link: Oops, wrong mettalic subterranean bug-eyed worm creature.

The Organ melts, but Link changes into a red shirt, and he's okay.

Link: Too bad I can't use my sword because it'll melt, or my bow and arrows, because they'll burn, looks like all I can use is my Hookshot.

*I'l let other people write for a while*

(Ganon and his posse all hang out in the Outhouse, wondering what to do though unaware of the strange events that have occured)

Ganon: Let's order some takeout, all this plotting is making me hungry.

Tael: I'm famished as well.

Ganon: Quiet! No one asked you.

Twinrova sad In unision) Italian please!!

Biggoron: Now that I'm here, how about some rocks.

Aghanim: Is anyone paying attention to me?

Ganon: No. Now Let's figure out ways to get the "ultimate power". I really don't think that bimbo Zelda knows.

Biggoron: You do know that the "ultimate power" is the Quadforce of DOOM, and that it's made out of cheese.

Ganon: NO I DIDN'T!!! WHERE WERE YOU ALL THIS TIME ANYWAY!!

Biggoron shrugged

Majora: How about we go over to the corner store and buy some mentos. That solves everything!

Veran: OOH! OOH! I know! Since it's made out of cheese let's make a cheese magnet made by cows at Lon Lon Ranch and build a huge teleporter powered by candy to make it work nice and..Quadruple A batteries...and.....wooden shoes.........milk.............

Everyone stared at Veran in disapproval.

Ganon: Why do I bother?

Tatl: I've never known anyone to be this thick in the head.

Moblin shaked his head in sympathy.

Shadow Zelda gave Veran the finger.

Even the Old Lady who died in the second post
came back to life to point and laugh at Veran. Afterwards she died again.

Moblin: (sigh) Whatever happened to Onox? And Zelda? Oh wait, she's in the outhouse basement.

::Meanwhile in the basement, Iron Knuckles and Armos Soldier guard Zelda.::

Iron knuckles: Why are we stuck with princess duty? Why? Why Why? Why?

Armos: Stop whining you big baby!

Iron Knucles: I'm not a baby(defensively) I'm just sensitive, that's all.

Armos: Sensitive, right.

Iron Knuckles: Shut up! (getting riled up)It's not fair y'know, Ganon always played football with you when we were younger.

Armos: There's a reason, chump.

Iron Knuckles sad running away) Leave me alone!

Armos sad chasing after him) PANSY! PANSY!

::Zelda makes sure the coast is clear, and even though it may be locked she tries the door anyway. It opens.::

Zelda: It's either Ganon or the dungeon designers, one of them are just not trying anymore.

::She sneaks down the hallway, sneaks past Armos who is giving Iron Knuckles a wedgie, and enters into the sewer entrance. It actually smells like pleasant lemon toilet cleaner, but there are some oddly deformed choclate bars in the sewer water.::

Zelda: What is that. Oh man, I'm gonna barf.

::She uses every inch of life, hope, strength and muscle not to vomit. She picks her head up and starts to walk, vomits anyway, and then continues on her way.::

Okay, now that Darth Toadstool is in the Dark Realm, Zoruel needs another ongoing villian to twist way out of proportion. Now I think you can all guess who that's going to be by looking at my signature. Hee Hee Hee! I'm going to go plot some more first.

(the big sunddenly changes into a giant poe and then)....

Oni_Link, of course there are plot holes. The entire Zelda series is a plot hole! Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah....

Link: I'll just use my trusty hookshot to hit Volvagia's brain, then leave! Wait, who am i talking to? (Link aims the hookshot at Volvagia's brain and fires, only to miss) Oh crap! It didn't work! Someone PLEASE let me outta here!!!

(Suddenly, Volvagia sticks a claw in it's mouth, and pulls Link out of its stomach)

Volvagia: (sounding like an old woman) There there, dearie, no need to be frightened.

Link: Wha- what happened?

Volvagia: Well, you asked very nicely to leave my digestive system that i let you out myself. (pulls out milk and cookies from behind it's back) Care for some milk and cookies, sonny?

Link: Sure! (looks towards the bosses) Uh, maybe after i kill all those guys, okay?

Volvagia: Okay, play nicely!

(Link destroys all the Keese at once, but still has to face Phantom Ganon, Morphe, Bongo Bongo, Odowla, Goht, Gyorg and free Navi from Twin Mold all at once!)

Link: Wuh-oh!

(Meanwhile)

Zelda: Hoo, man, this place reeks! Hello? Anyone here?

(A deku scrub pops out of the ground)

Deku: Sell something to you I will!

Zelda: Okay, what kind of stuff do ya have?

Deku: Stuff I have many for buy to you!

Zelda: Would you quit talking like that? I can't understand you!

Deku: Understand you I don't. Something you buy now, or leave I will!

Zelda: Okay, but what do you sell?

Deku: Drugs. Drug-dealer am I.

Zelda: Sorry. I only drink. Well, could you at least help me get out of here? And what's your name?

Deku: Donnie the drug-dealin' Deku name is mine.

Zelda: Okay Donnie, let's go!

(Zelda follows Donnie the drug-dealin' Duku out of the sewer.)

(Meanwhile...)

Onox: (Stuck in the middle of Hella Hot Desert) Hello?? .....Anyone there? Uhm, I seem to be stuck in some quick sand, if anyone cares, and i am sinking very rapidly! ...................Hello? ...Anyone? Grrr, stupid iron suit. Why didn't I go with the traditional tights? And- (Onox completely sinks under the sand and is never seen again.)

(alright the spider, since you said that we can create characters, does that mean the man with the holes in his head can stay? If not, then just ignore those parts)

::Back in the room filled with torches and a mirror in the center, the disciple of the master of the Quadforce of DOOM (the man with holes in his head) gazes out at the havoc occuring in our story. He walks to the mirror and begins to chant::

Disciple: Mirror mirror over there, I have something I'd like to share.

::A cheddar triangle appears in the mirrors reflection::

VOICE: WHY HAVE YOU SUMMONED THE MASTER OF THE QUADFORCE OF DOOM???

Disciple: Could you stop yelling? It really hurts my ears.

VOICE: Oh, sorry.

Disciple: Remember the pig and the fairy child I told you about earlier?

VOICE: Yes.

Disciple: Don't worry. After observing them, I've decided that they are far too stupid to ever reach you in time.

VOICE: Really?

Disciple: Yes, the pig and his minions are doing nothing but coming up with corny schemes to enter your realm, and the boy...I don't even want to know what the hell he's doing.

VOICE: Good. But even still, keep an eye on them.

::The man pulls out his eyes, creating two more holes in his head, and trows them at Link and Ganon's general direction::

Disciple: There, now I shall know EXACTLY what is going on.

VOICE: ...If I had arms right now, I'd beat you.

---------------------------------------------

::back at the outhouse...Ganon takes a big gulp of milk, part of his plan to "cheesify" himself to be able to enter the Sacred Realm of Cheese. As he finishes, he belches and an eyeball flies into his mouth and down his throat::

Ganon: Belch! Ack! What was that?!

Onox: Beats me.

Ganon: YOU! When did you get back here??

Onox: Well, I, uh, I was about to give a Link a reall beating, uh, when he gave me the slip. Yeah! That's it! I looked for him everywhere, but he's nowhere to be found.

Twinrova: Then why are covered with sand?

Onox: Uh...I don't know what you're talking about.

Ganon: Well, I guess I believe you. Hey Majora?

Majora: Yeah?

Ganon: Throw him in the dungeon with the slut.

Majora: Yes sir!

Onox: GANON, NO!

::Onox is drug to the basement. Soon after, Majora returns with a frightened look on his face::

Majora: Uh Ganon? You're not gonna like this...

We'll just say that Onox went from the Dungeon of the outhouse to the drug-dealing Deku Scrub's hole that led to the center of the earth, as opposed to quicksand.

Can my monkey be an orangutang? They're funny.

Majora: Uh, the princess escaped.

Ganon: WHAT?

Majora: And Onox runs the world.

Ganon: WHAT?

Majora: And you're locked in the mega-super-dark-holy-mystic-realm-of-eturnal-shuffleboard.

Ganon: WHAT? How do I get out?

Majora: You need a shield and sword, and you need to get the Tree of creation from the Spirituaal Stone of the Forest.

Ganon: Shouldn't that be the other way around?

Majora: That woulda made a lot more sense.

*Back at the outhouse*

Tatl and Tael (Tattle-Tale) are searching for the cause of all the trouble that really (REALLY) suddenly took place. They found a Deku Hole., and flew down to the center of the Earth.

Tatl: Onox, you've got to go rule the world.

Onox: You're right!

*Onox goes to the Outhouse and assumes dictatorship*

Tael and Tatl fly into the hat and make it looked possesed.

Possesed Yellow Hat: Monkeys! I command you to rewrite the story!

monkeys: But this is getting really redundant...

PYH: Well, as long as Link is fighting Ganondorf, it will be a fine addition to the Legend of Zelda.

Cheif Monkey (Spider): You heard the hat people...as long as Link and Ganon are fighting.

*The monkeys rewrite the story to have Link and Ganon die, and then be reincarnated as eachother. Onox dies, and is reincarnated as the Drug Dealing Deku, and vice-versa. They all have their old personalities, but new bodies*

Man, this doesn't even make sense anymore! I'm so confused with all these new happenings, loose ends, plot holes, and monkeys. I'll let you guys figure out how to straighten the story out.

"All right children, let's recap," said the man in the yellow hat.

"Link set off on another adventure when he discovered that Ganon was on the loose, and Ganon kidnapped Zelda again. Soon after Link first encounters Darth Toadstool, both of them hear of an object more powerful than the Triforce hidden in the Sacred Realm of Cheese. Link goes off to the Hellahot Desert to find a way into the realm, while Ganon sends Onox after the escaped Zelda. Link reaches the Desert along with Kinopio and Navi, and are attacked by Toadstool again. In a strange turn of events, Onox ends up telling Link how to get into the Realm of Cheese (which may or may not be the truth), and once again Link sets out. And so...

"Link ends up in Twinmold's stomache, along with the Poe he needs to save to get the Mozzerella Sword, but of course he can't get it yet since that'd be far to easy. So Link ends up inside Volvagia, while Onox goes down a pool of sand. Onox was obviously split in two; one half was teleported to Ganon's place, and the other was taken here, to the center of the earth."

"WTF???" Onox exclaims.

"Quiet. This Onox tried to rewrite history, but (ahem) failed, and is now stuck in our little cell. Sayt hi Onox!...Yeah, anyway, Ganon and his minions were right about Zelda being gone, but the rest was a mistaken production of one of my monkeys on too much coffee."

"Oh," Ganon says.

"So in short, Toadstool, Kinopio, Mario, Ryu, Michael Jackson, and Bowser are dead (sniff sniff), Onox is now two different people in two different places, Ganon is no closer to his goal than when he started, Zelda is wandering in the sewers (oh yeah, that, and Link is off to get Navi and that Poe back.

"As an interesting side note, a mysterious figure is comunnicating with someone who claims to be the current owner of the Quadforce of DOOM. We'll see more of this figure as the story progresses."

"Is that all?" asks Link.

"Pretty much. Now who'd like to go next?"

"I do!" said one monkey. He began to key vigerously on his keyboard...

EDIT: Oh yeah, Zelda is out of the sewer now, my bad ^.^

Now it all makes sense! On to Link's big boss fight!

Link: Well, it took a few days, but i finally killed one of the bosses! (Hold's Morphe's remains in his hands)

(But Phantom Ganon, Bongo Bongo, Odolwa, Goht and Gyorg all gang up on Link and start punching him, as Twin Mold watches on)

Twin Mold #1: Eh, this fight's getting boring. Wanna go do something else?

Twin Mold #2: Sure, why not? I hear Half Baked is on HBO tonite, let's go watch that.

(Twin Mold crawl away, when suddenly...)

Volvagia: Not so fast, sonny! (pulls out milk and cookies from behind her back) Care for some milk and cookies dearies?

Twin Mold: (together) Sure! (Start eating) Ya know, you're not such a bad dungeon boss after all. Wait, don't cookies have salt on them? And aren't we part slug?

Other Twin Mold: Uh, I think so...(together) oh, crap! (Twin Mold shrivel up until they're the size of normal worms, and Navi and Big Poe escape)

Navi: Hoo, thanks Volvagia!

Volvagia: Anytime. (Volvagia sneezes on Twin Mold, completely destroying them)

Volvagia: Whoops, oh dear, i simply must do something about this cold!

Big Poe: Yes, good job Volvagia. as a reward-

Navi: Hey! Listen! Big Poe has the Mozzerela Sword! (Grabs it from Big Poe) Yoink! Come on Willis, Volvagia, let's go get that Quadforce of DOOM!

(Navi, Willis and Volvagia go off into the sunset with the mozzerela sword, with Big Poe on the ground, crying. Meanwhile, Link is still getting beaten up by Phantom Ganon, Bongo Bongo, Odolwa, Goht and Gyorg.)

Link: Uh, Someone HELP! Navi? Willis? ...Anybody!? Ah, crap.

(Link continues to be beaten up, when suddenly...)

Ignore the last line of my last post, they never died and were reincarnated. Silly Orangutang (slaps the monkey that is me for writing that).

Link continues to get beat up, when suddenly...

The leader of the midget Dodongos rolls onto the scene, right in front of Link. Link picks up a big boulder, and drops it on LotMD, hoping it will make him spit out a whole bunch of fire. He then puts on the golden gauntlets so that he doesn't have to worry about picking up heavy things anymore. Unfortunately, it kills the Dodongo instantly.

Link: Well that worked well.

Phantom Ganon: Shut up, now you shall die!

Phantom Ganon raises his sword high, and is about to strike...when the real Phantom Ganon pops out from behind him, on his horse, charging straight for Link.

Link: Wait! Which one of you is the real fake?

Phantom ganon: I am!

Phantom ganon: No, I am. You're just under my spell to make you think you're the real fake!

Phantom ganon: No! You are the fake fake, while I am the real fake. You are just under a spell to make you think I am under a spell to make me think I am the real fake!

*They kill eachother*

Then Bongo Bongo starts pounding the ground, causong an earthquake. But before Link is swallowed into the earth, a flying eyeball flies into his hat, and carries him into the air. Link flies far away, and finds himself right over Deah Mountain, where Volvagia is about to land with all of Link's friends.

Link hops on Willis, and throws the eyeball into the air, hoping to follow it wherever it leads.

*Meanwhile, in the sewers of the outhouse*

Zelda: So, if we keep going up, we'll reach the "exit", right?

Drug-Dealing Deku: Makes sense.

Zelda: Okay, well, I see a light. Maybe that's the way out.

*High above them is a circle of light, but it is suddenly gone*

DDD: I wonder where the light went?

Zelda: I don't know...do you smell that?

DDD: No.

Zelda: But you have a huge snout!

DDD: It's rubber. What does it smell like?

Zelda: Oh right! I guess I shouldn't have expected a drug dealer to be able to smell anything. It smells like...you don't wanna know.

Zelda: Do you hear that?

DDD: I don't have any ears. What's it sound like?

Zelda: You don't wanna know.

*plop plop plop*

DDD: Ewww, do you see that?

Zelda: I can't see in the dark. What is it.

DDD: you don't wanna know.

*The pair continue to search for the light, when there is a sudden flush. The two are washed far into the cavernous waterworks of the plumbing system, and they have to find a way out.
DDD: I can't hear anything.

Zelda: I can.

Zelda: I can't see anything.

DDD: I can

DDD: I can't smell anyhting.

Zelda: I sure as hell can.

Zelda: I can't touch anything.

DDD: Don't even go there.

Zelda: We'll have to act as eachother's eyes, ears, and nose, and not touch anything.

DDD: Because we're in a sewer.

Zelda: Right.

DDD: Hey, I bet we can find something to help us do something, and use that something to defeat something.

Zelda: I can't believe I started out minding my own business about to whack the Triforce with a hammer, and ended up crawling around the sewer's of Hyrule with a weed on weed.

DDD: Betcha didn't see that coming.

*a giant skull on fire flies by*

DDD: WHAT THE **Q* WAS THAT???

Zelda: What was what?

DDD: Oh, sorry, I'm just high.

(Meanwhile, back at Ganon's lair...)

Ganon: FOOLS! LOSERS! INCOMPETENT FREAKS! You let Link escape!? But there were so many of you and only one of him! What do you have to say for yourself!?

Odolwa: BAH! Ooga booga doo!!!

Goht: MMMMMOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Bongo Bongo: Oooooooooh, and other ghostly noises!

Gyorg: Glub glub, gulp gasp glub!

Ganon: I've had enough of this. GREAT MOBLIN!

Great Moblin: Yea?

Ganon: Take these four Dungeon Boss Pals to Link so they can kill him in an unsanitary matter! Maybe they'll lead us to the Quadforce of DOOM!

Great Moblin: Right-o boss! According to my high-tech radar, they are on Death Mountain. Let's go, guys! (Bongo Bongo, Odolwa, Goht and Gyorg reluctantly follow Great Moblin out the door)

(Meanwhile...)

Disciple: Mirror mirror on the wall, uh...damn, i can't think of a rhyme. Just come out!

Voice: Erm, yea? What'd ya want?

Disciple: Uh, about the elf and his buddies: They're on Death Mountain as we speak!

Voice: They're not after my Quadforce, are they?

Disciple: Uh, yeah!

VoicE: Mwahahahahahahahaaaa! They'll never get it! Mwahahahahaa!! I, Doom, will have the Quadforce FOREVER!!

Disciple: Oh, so that's why they call it the Quadforce of DOOM.

Doom: Exactly! (The two of them laugh for about half an hour, until they realize it's not really all that funny.)

To be continued...