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A while back, I found a joke thread created by one of our members in the musician's forum. I asked her if I could make one here, and she consented, so here it is. Unfortunately I cannot remember the creator, nor do I have the link to the original... sorry! (If you could tell me who your are, that would be great; I want to give you credit)

Anyway, this is a thread for music jokes. Perhaps it will even be a contest with a suitable prize.

(Because I want to make it a contest, I'm not going to participate)

Q. How many violinists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. What do you think we are, violists?

Q. What do you have with three conductors up to their necks in cement?
A. Not enough cement.

Q. How do you put a sparkle in a cellists eye?
A. Shine a flashlight in her ear.

A violist and a cellist were on a ship when it began to sink. As the water reached their knees, the cellist cried, "But I can't swim!"
"It's ok," the violist yelled," Just fake it!"

Q. What do you do with a violinist who can't play in tune?
A. Stick him in the back, and call him a violist.
Q. What do you do if he still can't play in tune?
A. Stick him up front and call him a conductor.

Q. What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead violist in the road?
A. There's skid marks in front of the skunk.

Two violinists walk into a bar; the bassist ducked.



I've got a bunch more of these... it's really sad. We have a bunch of band and orchestra majors sitting together during my history class and occasionally we have been known to spend an entire period telling music jokes. The one band joke I will post here:
Q. How many euphoniums does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. What's a euphonium?

The members of a string quartet are each standing at a different corner of a football field. In the middle of the field there is a $100 bill. If the first person to reach the middle wins, who gets the $100 bill?
The second violinist.
Why? The violist runs in the wrong direction at a different pace than everyone else, and then gets lost somewhere. The first violinist isn't going anywhere for only $100, and the bassist can't pay attention to save his life so when he finally realizes that something is going on everyone else will have gone home.

The orchestra decieded that they needed a new concert hall and it was too expensive to hire people to build it so, they decieded to build it themselves. The orchestra members did different work depending on how they were viewed... The violists found themselves digging in a pit while the cellist was overseeing them. Violist #1 says to violist #2: "Why is he up there while we're down here?" Violist number 2 says: "I don't know, I'll go ask." So violist #2 goes up to the cellist and asks: "Why are you up here, when we're digging down in the pit?" The cellist says: "I'll show you" He walks over to a tree and puts his hand in front of it. "Punch my hand," the cellist says. The violist walks up to the cellist and goes to punch his hand, but a second before the violist hits the cellist's hand, the cellist pulls his hand away and the violist punches the tree. "Now I get it," the violist says. He goes back down to violist #1. So violist #1 says: "Why is he up there while we're down here?" Violist #2 says: "here, let me show you." Violist #2 put his hand in front of his face and says: "Hit my hand with your shovel." ...

What is the definition of a string quartet?
One violinist
One wannabe violinist
One guy who likes violins
and One guy who hates violins