Ruca Light
>.< Fluff nazi's don't like my story because how I said Peter was the greatest primarch in the world...
Also because you called him a Primarch when that directly contradicts fluff.
wink A Primarch is the leader of a Legion and literal son of the Emperor, of which there were only 20, all of which are documented except the two that were "Deleted from Imperial records" (try and claim to be one of those and see how well that turns out).
Just from non-fluff-Nazi storyline perspective, the background story is a little grandiose. You have a Chapter which, of course, no one's heard of because it's your own, but just so happens to be the greatest fall to Chaos story in WH40k.
The name is perfectly fine (and even reasonable in its origin), it's the background that needs a little work. If I were you, I'd change your 'Primarch' to Chapter Master and make them a founding from one of the really religious Legions, like the Imperial Fists. Perhaps describe how Peter
fought with the Primarch of that Legion long ago.
Also, I'd probably take out the whole "Chaos Gods" taunting him at once. Pick one and stick to it and you'd be much better off. Even if they go with Mark of Chaos Undivided, it would inevitably be one specific god that set off their corruption. Given the nature of the disease, I'd say Nurgle, but given the way Peter was maddened over the course of his death, I'd say Tzeentch. That's ultimately your call though.
Don't mind me, just your friendly neighborhood fluff nazi.
3nodding
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